Jump to content

Big Jim

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    166

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Big Jim

  1. Big Jim
    any thoughts?
  2. Big Jim
    Well the last week has been a great time with my ex. We hung out a lot and no fights of anysort. But i dont see any end to things being like this. I love seeing her and talking to her, but she never resovles anything at all, she always is saying lets just drop it and see what happens, ony im left in the dark and have no idea where i stand. It has been almost three months of this. If you have read the previous posts you know some of the story, i just dont know what to do anymore. Ive been doing the LC thing, but i seem to be getting no where. I realized today, that even if she said "lets get back together right now" there is so much stuff hangin around that it would not work. What do i do??? Im tempted to tell her NC, but afraid i will lose her. If the situation was normal i would have in a heartbeat, however she is having so many issues (depression) that i think NC would make her feel like i abandoned her completely. She has been my best friend for 2.5 years, i dont think it is right to walk away from her. But on the other hand, she treats me amazing half the time and like crap the other half, and seems to feel nothing for it. I do not get her, we were out on the weekend, and she talks like we are still together, everything is "us" when refrerring to the future , "wouldnt it be nice for us to have an apartment?.." etc, but she dumped me. She really opened up to me on friday, and said she had made a lot of mistakes and was starting to realize things (like she has to look at herself for happiness and not someone else) and that there was other things she wanted to talk to me about, only not yet. Half the time i feel like she coming around, the other half like she is just trying to make moving on easier for herself. I am so lost. If you have a chance to read some of this thread, please give me some input, im going crazy thinking about all this all the time.
  3. Big Jim
    Man, just venting here. My ex is nuts i think. I went to class, everyhting was good. Her and I were walking to the cafe, when i asked why her friend acts so werid to me these days. She said she didnt know, and kinda as a joke maybe she likes you. Well i guess she started thinking and was all asking me, "you wouldnt ever, would you?" etc. This has happened before, so i was finally like, (kind of lightly and jokingly) "you care more about me dating other people then what is going on between us". Well she got all mad and snappy towards me, until i was like "whatever im not apoligizing for that, it was a dumb remark im sorry if it hurt you somehow, but it is how i feel, im going home". So i left. Talk about double standards. She has hung out with another guy (nothing like that), and expected me to be cool with it, but hte mere metion of me and someone else drives her up the wall... i dont get her
  4. Big Jim
    Alpericone If you read some of my other threads , under the IS THERE A CHANCE? started by texas man, you will quickly realize that your girlfriend was cheating on you and must have been the girl i was dating. lol. No seriously, everything you have said i have said, i too could not do NC, because i see her 5 out of 7 days in class, i am a limited friend. She tells me repeatedly she thinks im too good for her, she needs space, her life is a mess (it is). I too am hurt, because, i know exactly how you feel, about reducing expectations of the relationship. The girl i was dating gets hurt if there is any mention of another girl etc, it is just one mixed message after another. She acts like we are still together, gets mad if i imply we arent, but when push comes to shove we are broken up. In my case, i honestly feel she is depressed and just mixed up about life in general. Im still talking to her, but not holding my breath. It sounds like your girl may legitimately be too stressed right now for a relationship however, i would believe she really misses you. My experince with girls, is sometimes when they get over whelmed by life, and are stressed, they get rid of the easy things before looking at themselves. My girl, quit her job, changed a lot of stuff in school, then broke up with me, only now she is realizing that she is still unhappy, and perhaps none of those things were the problem. It is easier to blame something else, then yourself. If you really love this girl, i would do limited contact, assume that it is over, but stay in touch. Be there for her in her rough spot. I know a lot of people disagree, but even if someone is "using" someone, down the road they will realize, " * * * *, he was always there for me and i was horrible to him". Not saying be her doormat, but be there limitedly. Now that may be 100x harder then no contact, but at least you will never say "should have, would have, could have"
  5. Big Jim
    My whole story is under another thread, the IS THERE A CHANCE? one. However i am very very confused as of late. I had decided to play it cool with my ex and see how things would pan out. She has been having a lot of problems and blames a lot on me. However last week was a good sign, because when i saw her she was in a good mood, and things were left on good terms, then she missed a bunch of school because she was so miserable, this was a good sign becuase i obviously did not influence this at all, which was reassuring. Well, firday i got to school and she was standing in the hall waiting for me, very upset. Had said she had a horrible morning and wanted to talk. We skipped class and hung out all day, had an amazing time. She called me a bunch friday night, and then saturday we hung out and had a great time again. We talked sunday and now have again today. Im so confused because i dont know what to do, she talks to me like we are still together, hinting at things and implying im the best thing to ever happen to her. Yet we clearly are not and i still do not know why. She obviously misses me, it is more then just the idea of me, that much i am sure. Yet everytime the topic of "us" comes up , she gets very frustrated and i get no answers. She tells me that if i didnt bring us up everytime things were going good again, things would go a lot smoother (i dont intentionally bring it up, but when she says the stuff she does about us, it is hard to avoid); but from my side of the situation, i have no answers and do not know where i stand. Should i just continue to be cool about it and see what happens, should i NC her? Should i push for answers? I dont know what to believe anymore, weather she is just fed up with talking, or if talking stresses her because it makes her feel guiltly. It is very frustrtaing for me, and would not mind some peoples opinions on this, if you have time read some of the otehr thread for background. Thanks
  6. Big Jim
    Man i dont know what to say. You are either completely absolutely crazy in love with this girl, or just completely absolutley crazy. lol. The fact that you still feel this way is very noble, you definitely unconditionally care about her, but you need to think of yourself once in a while. I do see where you are coming from, myself being with people that my friends cant understand how i take their actions, i know how oyu feel when you say you know the person, and with that all their faults and only you understand that. I also know how hard it is to be with someone who says stuff just to get to you, but does not mean a word of it. However, she is walking all over you and you have to make a choice. Either go on being her second choice and getting crushed every now and then, or pick up the pieces, give yourself time to work on yourself, and you will find some girl that would go to the extent to ask complete strangers on the internet for advice, because she is that much into you. You deserve to have someone as in to you as you obvisously are to her.
  7. Big Jim
    Twice...with same girl First time back for only 2 months Second time 2 and a half years Now may be starting it all over again, will have to see...
  8. Big Jim
    Thanks for the reply, thats what im trying to do is be her friend etc, but at the same time start to move on myself. However, even as a "friend" i find these phone calls odd. She calls me, even though its been established we dont have to everyday or even every two days anymore, and says she wants to talk. However , she is so unresposive that a converstation is impossible. Yet, she continues to call... very odd.
  9. Big Jim
    Im trying as hard as i can lol. I didnt talk to her at all last night, then today she didnt show up for shcool. She called me on my spare telling me she just couldnt get the will to go, and was in a horrible mood. As sorry as i felt for her i was kinda happy, since i hadnt talked to her at all the night before, maybe she will connect the dots and see i dont cause her misery. (When i last saw her during the day i had her laughing). Anyway i worked tonight and surprise a message on my phone when i got off. She sounded so miserable and bummed, asked me to call, so i did, but she was so bithcy again, and clearly did not want to talk. I told her i was getting off, adn she apoligized for being like that. My question is if she really didnt want to talk to me, why would she call and leave me messages asking me to call, then when i do seem so uninterested??? Should i assume she is just bummed out, or is she only this way wiht me any input would be apprecitated
  10. Big Jim
    Also the only way i see this other guy fitting in is because she is finding it easier to ignore her problems and write it off as all her problems are because of "us". I dont know if that makes sense, but my buddy said that. He feels she is somewhat scapegoating on me sometimes, out of pure reluctance to look at herself which is much harder. I feel she needs some help and is out of sorts, and i am the easiest thing to blame it on. That is the real reason i have hope. After all she quit her ideal part time job, a sweet one for girls, cause she said she hated it. Then a month and a half later, that was all she wanted back and tried hard to get it. I think i was the next expendible thing in her life, (cant get rid of family and long term friends so easily). I dont know if that makes sense, but that is why i have hope. This much i know, weather we work out right now or not, down the road she will regret it bad because we had an amazing thing (everyone says that, but me and her are identical). I just hope its sooner then later! But sorry about that, how is your situation going texasman?
  11. Big Jim
    Thanks for the encouraging words Texasman It helps alot. I feel your right, afterall she still has feelings for me, because after our horrible fight on monday, she called me last ngiht to say hi, even though theres been many nights where things were fine and i never heard from her. I have to be what she fell in love with again, which is what i still am, just not so freaked out and down. My only question is do you feel its too messed up now after the last month and a half of me "pushing"? i really hope i havent screwed it up too badly. But i have been going on about me a while, how is your situation going??
  12. Big Jim
    Yeah it is hard to play it so cool Today was interesting. I was heading to class and ran into her in the hallway, chatted for a bit and she sat with me in class. She was in a really good mood and joked around alot. I was resposive so i wasnt boring, but not drooling over her or anything. Well after class she had to go with her frined to do something, and i took off for a bit. This was our spare were we usually ate lunch together. Well when i didnt come back in a bit, she actually called me, which i did not see. Finally i see her at a table and she was like "sit here and eat" we joked around in a group for a bit, then i took off. She is so hot and cold it is ridicous. My only problem with this whole situation is the mentioned guy before. This guy is close with the family for years, so with her too, and has a thing for her. It drives me nuts to think she could be hanging out with him, it really bothers me. But she swears nothing is going on. Dont know what to believe, but taht is the only hard part of all of this.
  13. Big Jim
    More news Well she wasnt there at school yesterday, and i assumed after our previous converstation she would back off. But surprise surprise i get a phone call at 10 pm and she left a message saying she wanted to say hi and all, sounded bummed. I called her back a while later (i have a hard time avoidng her on purpose) and we talked for about 15, light on my behalf, she was down. Thats it. I am so confuesed by this girl, many days she hasnt called me, then yestereday, right after a big fight and her saying no more talking, she calls. talk about indecisivness. My plan is to just play it cool, be emotionally unattached, be fun and cocky, (which is me normally). I figure that is who she loved, that is who i am, so why not. Me stressing about everything and being pathetic and needy and bringing that up on her is only pushing her away. Im not accepting responsibilty, because she clearly has issues to address, but for my part im not giving her a reason to be mad or resent me anymore. Ive done everything else why not. Anythoughts?
  14. Big Jim
    thank you sweet harmony I had an awkward time with her yesterday, saw it at school played it so cool and she was wanting more. However at night, i got super stressed about unrelated stuff which she always been the only one who helped me so i gave in and called, i needed her as a friend bad. Well she didnt answer and i went out for a while on a walk to clear my head but my phone died. When i got home my brother told me she called twice looking for me (hasnt callled my house in weeks). So i called her and she was hurt, thinking i had avoided her. Cleared that up but she was kinda pissed, which pissed me off cause i was totally in a bad space and had been there for her just last week, no questions asked. we started fighting a bit and she started implying everything that had happened to end "us" was my fault and i was pushing her away even more, man i got mad. I told her straight up that yes, i accept your having problems with life, but you are pushing me away with your lies, games, and being pissed at me all the time. I said i had enough, i had being trying to be there for her and all i get is bad moods and lies. Well she came back at me "fine i dont think we should talk anymore" and all i said was "that is fine with me", then she started "well what do you think?"and tried to justify herself, but it sarced her how little i seemed to care. She said she was sorry and just in a bad mood and lets leave it. Im still pissed about the whole thing. First time in a long time i needed her and she was * * * * *y about it. My patience is running out, i love this girl, and accept responsibilty for my actions, yes i push sometimes and make her be on the defensive, but it is hard not to with how many lies she told me. I want this to work , i want to be there, but i decided last night after (i actually cried) that i will take no more * * * *, im there if she needs me, but im not taking being treated like that. Funny thing is, it was left on kinda bad terms, but then i get a text message in class today, explaining why she wasnt there (sick, wtih stress i assume) and asking if id get her the notes. One mixed message after another. This is going to sound unhealthy but i prefer how i feel now, mad, as opposed to sad. Do you think i should still be there, or give up already???
  15. Big Jim
    that is very true. The friendship between me and my ex was rocky to say the least. We would have an amazing time , get closer and closer, then she would pull back, and i would get upset. She is the master of mixed messages, probably due to the fact that she is ridicusously mixed up right now. Last week i pulled back and gave her space, she called me 2 in the mourning on saturday night, then again on sun, then on monday she was wanting to see me. Last night however, she was pissed at me for no reason and now i want to end this cause im tired of moods being taken out on me. just so confused
  16. Big Jim
    How was the friendship for those three months. mine has been going from amazing and she is head over heels about me to being mad at me and taking her frustrations with life out on me. Also do you think he will miss you now and want to make things work, or is it done for good?
  17. Big Jim
    But have i messed things permentaly by going this far then going NC? She is so hot and cold that i am going crazy. How long was it after breaking up that you went no contact?
  18. Big Jim
    Do you think i should as well. Just had a horrilbe nighttime converstion with her. She is kinda depressed and unhappy in general and seems to sometimes want to blame all of this on me, which i know is not the case. any thoughts??
  19. Big Jim
    Is NC always the best answer, or is sometimes LC better? My ex and i same many classes so i dont know what to do
  20. Big Jim
    What are you doing with your situation then? No contact? limited contact?
  21. Big Jim
    Do i continue to play it cool with her and talk to her at school, or should i just cut her off. Every day my mind changes and its killing me.
  22. Big Jim
    Hi everyone, Some of you have been reading my story on other threads, so you prob know the situation. However yesterday was a messed up day. Friday night she went to the bar with the girls and called me before to say hi, she was in a bad mood so i kept it short. I went out drinking and left my cell at home, well when i got home there was 7 missed calls, all her, with messages accusing me of not answering my phone. I called her in the morning but she was sleeping, finally she called me in hte afternoon. Once again she was in a horrible mood, but i played it light hearted, joking around etc. She was saying she was tired and going to stay in a watch a movie, i was planning on the same so said lets hang out. I dont play the power games of who does what here, i was bored, she was bored, was not a big deal to me. She got all * * * * *y and was like i dont know, i might be seeing hte girls, making excuses. At this point i hit the roof, i was like "your constantly telling me you want to hang out, but i get the impression you dont ever want to see me, if this is the case tell me and im gone, ive been tryin to be there for you cause your having so many problems but i dont need if stuff if your stringing me along", she was like can we talk about this later, i said yes call me after, but the fight persisted to the point of 20 minutes of her saying everything i do wrong, how bad i am, etc, and then we are completely done, not friends, end of the line, i dont want to talk to you again etc, she yelled at me LEAVE ME ALONE, so i said fine goodbye and hung up. Now this is the messed up part, four hours later my phone is ringing, i thought it was her bro (my friend) calling from their house. No, it was her. She was talking like normal, until i finailly said, well you must want something, you called me back, and she replied, "you asked me to!". Now did the harshest 20 minutes of our relationship just not happen?? i am so confused, i thought it was done, i was sure it was! She even asked me to come over, i said no, but then persisted to call me three times more that night. what the hell is going on????? I feel for this girl cause she is having so many problems with life, and i accept that sometimes im not all that understanding, but what am i to do???
  23. Big Jim
    That does make sense, i really appreciate the input, thanks alot
  24. Big Jim
    Thanks for the reply, it seems to make sense. It is such a confusing situation, my best frined who is usually rational is even at a loss. She is having so many problems, is depressed and afraid of the relationship. Yet she insists she does not consider herself single, and tells me she isnt moving on. Im at a loss, because i believe her, and things go good, then she lies and hangs out with that guy friend of hers. It kills me, because i feel im being kept in the dark sometimes, but then other times i know she is being honest. She gets so mad at me when i insinuate something is going on and she is being deicietful, and tells me i know her better then that , which i do. But part of me is doubting her now... im so mixed up by all of this. Just today i suggested we not talk as much etc, and that she is being dishonest with me, and she got so sad saying i of all people should know she isnt well and not herself, and it crushed me... what do i believe????
  25. Big Jim
    What will walking away accomplish? will she not resent me because i was unalbe to see the rocky patch through with her?
×
×
  • Create New...