Big Jim

Also today she told me when she was upset/mad, that i make her feel bad all the time. Now i know i have been good to her, and i never have intentionally tried to bring her down, quite the oppostie. My buddy says he thinks she is saying that because she feels incredibily guilty over how she has been treating me, and cant handle it. Any input on any of this??

i feel like * * * * today. Saw her at school and she kept looking over at me during class, but quickly looked away when i caught her eye. Finally we ran into eachother later and started talking a bit, she was pretty upset and so was i. How does someone change so quickly? monday she loved me and was completely into me, today she seemed to feel none of that. Is this NC the best thing? cause right now it seems like the worst idea...

Starion, Quick question for you, could you please try to elaborate what this "confusion" is like? My ex has been feeling lost for 6 months now, and is comletely not acting herself, i just want to try to understand..

Well a hell of a lot of stuff has happened some good, a lot bad. Hadnt talked to her for a few days, then she got the email. She tried calling me a bunch of times, i didnt answer, she ended up waiting lreally late at night at school in hte parking lot because she knew i was there studying. This was last monday. She was a horrible wreck. Had been waiting 2 hours in her car crying hard (i saw her before she saw me and she was not doign well), i was kinda touched. We talked a long time and she was trying to explain herself and tell me hows shes feeling about everything. I know i caved a bit, but i was touched be her compassion and really feel for her situation, shes having such a hard time. Anyway things were pretty good because a lot of air was cleared. We stuided together the next few days and had an amazing time. Then the weekend came, and long story, she thought i was avoiding her calls, got mad at me, but i really just missed them all. But by this time i was tired of the hot/cold, so when i talked to her sat afternoon i made no meniton of wanting to see her, or ill call her later etc, and i was really cold to her for once. Joked around with her, but she got the message i was not interested. Didnt talk to her for the rest of the weekend, then monday morning i got a text saying "im having a horrible day, u going to school?". She then called and started to talk to me. Well i met up with her and we talked 3 hours in her car. I was in a really good mood that day so i was completely calm. Which was good, i kept pushing her to talk more, aobut school, her friends, family, then finally us. She told me it isnt right, she is missing me way too much, im the only thing that makes her happy, she now realizes that i wasnt the problem, she told me how everyhting is messed, how the situation wiht the family friend is out of hand, cause she just wanted to hang out cause she was bored, but now its all messed, cause if she tells him to back off, hes always over and it will be awkward. Summed up she admitted its been one bad desicion after another etc and she did it all. When i told her i still care about her, but not so much about "us" she was crushed (but its true). Anyway the day went on , her being so close to me, hung out all night, talked again later for another 2 hours, her actually saying to me "im beginning to think im so mixed up all the time because im trying to do the opposite (be independent and single) of what i really deep down want (us)". Was a great day. BUT next day was crabby to me again, she admitted it "i hate being this way, i hate teh fact that yesterday i loved you and was happy, adn today im depressed and resent you" but i cant help it. well it got worse and worse and she got madder and looked at me like she hated me. So i brought it all up again, said i/we cant do this, has to stop, its not fair etc... she got really mad, was completely diff from the day before, was defending things she admitted the day before, got defenisve , said it was all my fault. I said "i cant even reconize the girl yesterday here" I just walked away, she sped off. Had class today, when she walked by me, i just looked the other way.. i think its done for good now, ive never ignored her before story about the length, no where else to vent

Just a quick question for everyone out there, both sides of the situatuion. My ex is completely lost in life, doesnt know who she is, is acting completely outta character, i barely can see the person i knew for 4 years anyone. If anyone has been "lost" what is that like? and the other side how do you deal with someone like that????

You seem ridicously mature about all of this, that is great. Maybe space for a bit is what you guys need. You will realize your faults and him his. I really hope this works out for you , you sound very rational which is something i would kill for in my ex

Personnaly, if i was emailing a girl i broke up with with the intention of starting something up, and not just "to touch base" (which you wouldnt want anyway), i would definitely persue more. Trust me. Even when i was dating my ex, her ex from way back, pulled the same thing, she didnt respond (was with me) and he kept going till he laid all his cards on the table. Just one example, but believe me, as a guy, if i want it bad enough, id sallow my pride and send another email, a little more direct this time.

If i really wanted someone, i would try more than once for sure. If he is unwilling to put a little more effort in, then he doesnt really want you. He will try again, dont worry.

whats going on with your situation solo?

Yeah i think so. NC will give me peace of mind, i move on and/or she hits rock bottom and reaches out to me after realizing im not the problem in her life. She obviously is not sure what she wants, you cant go from a bombardment of phone/text/email on tuesday to not caring a few days later. I dont care who you are, its hard to fake that kind of stuff. We will see what happens. Thanks solo for your support, and srcuffism for the sample email lol

So are you going to start NC with her??

Thanks man, much appreciated. Sounds odd, but as a guy its hard to talk to your mates about this kinda thing. They get it, but at the same time its like "shes just a chick". Thanks again. The only reason i emailed her today was there was a lot of stuff i wanted to get off my chest, and i wanted to hit the point home with her that it is not that im abandoning her because she is moody and messed, but it is the way she is treating me that is unacceptable. When i talked to her yesterday on the phone, it was really brief, but i got the impression she was really confused about what i was doing. Since i still have a heart and know how much it sucks to be in the dark, I took scruffism advice and wrote an email, since i got all my thoughts down with no interruptions or fights (no this was not an excuse to break the fresh NC, i dont want a reply, i even said that). I must have read it over 10 times, it was just right, not mad , spiteful, but not loving and caring. Summed up: hey i really cared and tried to be there, but what you were doing was not cool, i know a lot is going on but that stuff was unaccpetable, so this is for the best for both of us, take care etc.

Well didnt talk to her since last afternoon, but found out from her bro she was hanging out with that guy today. Honestly i feel so used i cant take it anymore. I wrote her a long email, explaining why i dont want to talk to her anymore, it says everything im feeling. Its not spiteful or harsh, just the truth as it is. I wish her well and say my goodbyes. I am forcing myself not to care anymore, because that gets me notwhere except hurt. NC is the way to go from now on. She is either going to srcew around when im in hte picture, or when im not. So might as well not be a doormat. I am happy with my decision, yet also happy to have waited a bit. I have no regrets at all, i did everything i could, she did not meet me halfway, so im leaving. She is mixed up and down, but not fair to me anymore, and now i see that clearly.

Little bit of an update, She texted me last night, was very formal (school project related), asking if i had done what i told her i would. I responded (its alll taken care of". She came back with a bunch of questions about it, obvisiously trying to get me to call, i just turned my phone off. Well this afternoon she calls me in tears on the house line , asking why im doing this, i told her i cant go on like this, she was really upset, and completely lost. She was making no sense. Well who knows what will happen, but she is obvisously not sure of her descicions now, becuase for the first time since the break up, she experinces life without me.

Thanks again man Yeah shes going through stuff, and i was willing to be tehre all she needed, but this other issue of this other guy is too much. Yeah shes lost confused and i can kinda see why she would "experiment" with this idea of a new guy (kinda like anyhting to make her feel happy). But i know she will never be happy till she looks at herself. I never gave up on her, she did on me a while back. I will love her for a long time, but no more of this stuff

Believe me, its sometimes better to be out of their life. Last 3 months have been hell, trust me, you are always reminded of waht you dont have anymore. One day they are fliritng and close, next a * * * * * to you. yesterday i told her to leave me alone, yeah i'll see her at school and all, but im looking forward to no drama for a while. Either way ill always hear/see her etc, because im good friends with her bro. But i want time apart right now... im living by "they dont know what they got till its gone" take it easy solo, relax, improve yourself

haha i would kill for that to happen, but would perfer more time apart. I want a good while of NC, for both of us to think of things. I know how i feel, ive got my stuff together, but i wnat her to hit rock bottem, so she actively starts to help herself, as opposed to just wanting me to make her feel better. I want her to want to change

i wouldnt live entirely thinking about that. But it is a very real possibility. Nothing is ever set in stone, if she loved you once , it is not hard to again. Sometimes timing is everything. My x and myself, we broke up before this most recent time. Way back almost three years ago. we had been dating 3 months or so and it was great, but she had a lot of baggage from a previous relationship that she never dealt with (even though they broke up 1 year and half before we dated). She ended it suddenly, then 4 months later i got a call, we talked about things, and went out 2.5 years. I know its not as long as yourself, but anything is possible, sometimes timing is everything. Work on yourself, but a man and get your stuff together, go on loving her, but dont be in love with her. Date others, they will be drawn to the new you. Perhaps something new will work out, or perhaps you and your ex will get back. But in the meantime there is no harm with 1) getting your stuff together 2) loving your ex, but dont be in love with her anymore

Sorry i misread your post a little. What im trying to say is if she found you attractive once, that never goes away, and if you pick yourself up and become a MAN again, if she sees this, it will remind her of how it was. She will miss you, you guys were together a long time.

thanks for the advice solo, much appreciated Monday will be rough, i have class with her, but im not going to even acknowlegde her. I know she believes deep down that i will always love her (she always joked when we were together that i was the kind of guy that if a broke up with a girl because of issues unrelated to the relationshp, i would go on loving them, long story, converstation started because of some stupid song). And all she has been doing is drilling the idea into me that she is just messed and cant do this right now, that it has nothnig to do with me etc... So when i dont cave she will freak out, i know this for sure. Since the breakup , everytime i pull back she goes nuts. Its almost as if she broke up with me knowing id stick around. Summed up= she takes me for granted

I wouldnt come down on yourself too much that you weren't a MAN when you were with her, peopel go through * * * * in life, sometimes your good sometimes your not. In my situation, my x hasnt been a GIRL for 5 or 6 months, she has been no fun, moody, no sex drive etc, just depressed and miserable. But look at it this way, i truly love her, and see her for what she is, so hte fact that she has been so messed doesnt phase me at all. If i didnt really love her i wouldnt have given her the time of day. Your girl will know exactly how you really are, and if she loves you it wont matter if your * * * * was falling apart for a while. If she doesnt really love you, then this would really bother her and shes not worth it

haha yeah i like that too, its in your face. How i used to be, before she broke me down into such a doormat. Man i got taken for a ride. She used her being down, depressed, etc, as a tool to get to me. No more of that

In my sit, she doesnt have a new man per say, but there is this guy she always talks to, and i have no doubt he was a reason for our breakup. But look at it this way,we have been broken up three months, numerous times i called the "friendship" quits and she fought to keep me around. Now if she was head over heels about this guy she would have cut me loose when we were fighting (since we were already broken up), but she never did. Instead even the tiems she hung out with him, she always called me after and before, whenever she was upset shed call me, shed call me outa nowhere just to talk, and i was still always her last call when she was in bed. If thats not missing me i dont know what is. I cant say for your situation, but in mine, this new guy was causing problems, but he obvisously isnt all she thinks he is because she still was holding on to me for dear life. Now ive gone NC, im sure she will hang out with him, maybe they will start to date, i dont know, but i do know she will miss me like crazy, especially now since i told her she cant have me. People want it all, they want what they cant have. This NC will either be a kick in the head to wake her up, or move on. Either way is better then how its been.... So in answer to your question, i feel if she ever loved you, and you were great to her, she will definitely miss you..

haha well now i got to stick to my word, or live the rest of my life in fear haha I even have a plan on what to do if she pulls her usual wait outside my class crying thing. Ill start talking to her, she'll tell me how down she is, ill ask to borrow her phone, find that guys number, hit send and pass it back, "saying her you go" and leave haha i dont know if ill be mean enough to do that, but either way im not her "rock" anymore

i wish i had read your stuff way earlier majord I was a friend for 3 months, only now i cut it off. After a two and a half year relationship, do you think ive blown the opportunity for her to miss me as more then a friend through these last 3 months??? I want her to miss me, this is the first time ive cut out of her life. I just hope she hasnt been weaned off me in the meantime. I want her to feel what i felt, sounds spiteful but she mistreated me this last while