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Oh, also, with changing my attitude into a positive one...in my current environment and circumstances, which are actually quite dire, I could only hope that you all understand that having this change is so much easier for one person to say than another person like me to do

Teacup (nice name), well to be honest it does sound like kicking me when I'm down. I do know what you're saying but - one female friend of mine on net told me that even when I appear happy, women can intuitively see that I have issues. I suppose the two biggest issues I have to deal with are: 1. It appears all right for everyone (even those who are supposed to be MY own family) to blame me when I make even the slightest mistake, but when everyone else makes a much bigger stuff up...they ALL get away with it lightly! I try my hardest to support myself and my family, but I keep feeling that my efforts aren't being appropriately rewarded in return. 2. My family (both my father's and mother's side) made all sorts of huge mistakes from marrying wrong people and having disgusting cousins etc, b/c of God knows what sort of circumstances, to constantly having coworkers ripping them off...and I'm afraid that just because I'm with them NO MATTER WHAT, I'll make the same mistakes and go through the same disasters unless I make very drastic things happen - including rebelling against my Aussie (mother's) side and anyone on my father's side who sees him/herself as just...Aussie I honestly do want to be happy and not insecure, but I also want to be let go of the past eating into my present and have peace of mind both for my present and my future. By the way, the woman on the Net actually suggested that I should move out and go with circles of people who wouldn't make me feel worthless.

I know what you're saying...being multiracial is a good thing, only in theory. Some people don't mind being multiracial and I don't mind having friends being multiracial. I'm just frankly so fed up about Australia (no offence to good Aussies of course) trying to control Italians living there so that they can become like British Aussies. It appears perfectly ok for Aussies to adopt Italian culture, but the same people are also appearing to tell the Italians "adopt our culture and drop your own...or else, mate!" I also had a lot of members from both sides of my family treating my immediate family like trash because we're doing better than they are. Remember my dad's family's assimilated...not "really" Italian as such, and I feel so much worse off for it!

Dear people This is probably a long post, so read this only if you are able to. I honestly don't know if me venting here is just human and acceptable or just embarrassing in front of everyone on eNotAlone. I have some good things going in my life, but also SO MANY MORE bad things happening. And, mainly, because of my father and my mistakes – and his, I can't run away from those bad things for a long time yet! But, I can't really take any more of this – not after Dad told me to stop screaming, never argue and just do anything anyone throws at me, no matter how inconvenient it is to me and my other jobs. Just because it's part of LIFE! I was told to just act like a 25 year old MAN (not a boy, not a wimp, but a strong, almighty, brutish, indifferent and crudely woman-using-and-abusing MAN!) If I wanted to – without fearing a punch on the face – I'd tell him there have been men older than me who committed suicide or massacred everywhere over things MUCH LESS than what I've been through. And I AM only 25! People may think that struggling on such a huge scale is a part of life, but I'd say my past life was anything but normal and was just an embarrassment I wanted to run away from. I got reminded about some of the things Bill Gates said in the local paper that my mother wanted to force-feed into me. I do agree with the majority of what he said, but some things that I don't agree with Mum just put on the fridge anyway for me to be reminded of, since, well, Bill Gates is America's and the world's wealthiest man, she and a lot of you Americans think that every last word he says MUST be right if you want to have a good life. It's as if Mum already found the new God! The "rules" I don't agree with are Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it! Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. Now, I feel so embarrassed about myself and feel so betrayed by a lot of people I don't know if talking to even a counselor or doctor is a good idea since one of them might relay the message to someone else and then have me in trouble for it. I wanted to sob but I can't because it doesn't exactly make me feel better or do anything. I wanted to kill every idiot in my city but I can't because people will want me executed in jail or people will never let me have a career or something else terrible. Here are some of the very important things I feel embarrassed about 1. I'm an Australian citizen with an Italian father (a small part Irish – all because everyone thought only Italians run brothels in Australia, a BIG LIE) and an Australian mother. I consider myself Italian because I take my father's surname and live with him and my mum. But, not a single Italian married into my father's family in 50 years. To put it bluntly, HIS family was full of Australianised lower class losers and drunks, while HER family comprised of mostly freaks and bible-basher Protestants – that's right the same types who hate Catholics with a hellish passion because we're their biggest Christian rivals (call me Satanic if you dare!) 2. I have never lived in an Italian neighbourhood in Australia. In fact, my cousins, uncles, aunts etc have all married non Italians – and most of them ended up in dire straits &/or divorced. I've never been heavily involved in any Italian social events, family gatherings etc. And my father says that Italians are worse than Australians. In fact, the only Italians he listens to are so-called "friends" who hate being Italian anyway! 3. I have been living over the past 20 years in a lower class suburb surrounded by factories, railyards, grasslands and lots of wondering, drunken and drugged thugs – and my father happens to love it because the area's cheap and the people there are "down-to earth". But, really, I think it reminded him of his childhood growing up in one of the poorest and most anti-Italian cities in Australia. My mum grew up in a somewhat poor country town. I just hate my suburb and desperately want to move away from it because I don't like the people I live near, but can't because I'm not wealthy enough and I'm not married 4. I have always excelled at high school, but struggled a little bit before graduation because of me being scared of ending up like the poor people and the bad parts of my family if I didn't get all As. I'm so upset about me graduating with a degree with Honours, but never getting into medical school. So, now – despite all my hard work – I'm another four years away from earning $60,000 per year, when people 4 years younger than me are already graduating and earning $1,000 per week and more! They're already enjoying yearly holidays, helping their parents out, getting married and buying houses for themselves etc while I'm stuck on only a fraction of that amount per week, working part-time 5. I've never had the right to stand up for myself, because I've always tried to do the right thing by everyone and felt that if I do, people will argue or get into fights with me and I'll end up getting in trouble with my family or with uni 6. I keep feeling that the only purpose for my family is to keep helping out and working and even help them in making money because everyone always try to leech money that we're always trying to pay bills with but never want to work and do their fair bit at all – and never accept as a son as part of a normal Italian family 7. I've never had a girlfriend AT ALL and kept on watching all the girls getting taken up by all sorts of jerks, getting screwed by them and have them falling in love and pretending that they're already engaged. All sorts of women keep telling me how handsome I am and how much of a man women would love to marry, but I keep getting funny signals from the same women, like not sitting next to me half the time when they're about to, giving me funny looks and not telling me anything about their true love lives until they say "hey, guess what, I've got a new bf!" And (please forgive me for sounding racist…I know it's wrong but I'm so scared because of me being half Aussie and my Italian dad being part Irish) I wanted to have an Italian gf so that I can "fix my family up". But, circumstances kept on stopping me from having one like my family's advice (like Italian women are among the biggest skanks around), their Italian friends not having their daughters knowing me, fear of rejection, never being allowed to see my sisters' friends and me never socialising with them enough due to work etc. In fact, I'm still reeling from an Italian lady friend of mine at Uni who is very likeable, friendly, has so many qualities I'm looking for in an ideal woman and appeared genuinely interested in me suddenly ending up with an Aussie jerk who looks nowhere near her style. I sometimes feel she never wanted to be with me because she hates being Italian. And I keep wondering if she'd suddenly marry him tomorrow if he asked her to and would have him "going into her" at any moment! And it was 13 months since she told me…I just felt like screaming at her, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING AN ITALIAN AND WITH FALLING IN LOVE WITH AN ITALIAN?" I know that it sounds like too many layers for you to even think about. But, I just hate it when people try to tell me, as Bill Gates would say, "Hey, get with it! It's just life!" But, I honestly believe that God must have made me for reasons far better than this! And while I'm not thinking about suicide, I'm not feeling any better about myself than someone who is! If only I had a job in Italy – and some money, I'd take the first plane to Italy tomorrow…and never come back! I know I may have offended some people reading this (maybe some Australians), but I hope that whoever responds please consider my drastic life circumstances first. To be honest, I probably have some form of depression going on for years, but no-one wants me to have myself checked as, as they say, "only wusses and spoiled brats who love to make doctors and psychologists extra bucks" would suffer depression from a so-called normal life! To close off, I just might like to ask – even if you can answer only one Q - what do you make of this? - is all of the above really supposed to be a part of life – or life gone SOOO MAD? - might there be anything I can do to help myself? I'd thank you so much, even just for reading this.

From my last post, I think as I read through it, I think it sounds like "no more replies please". But, I actually meant that people are still welcome to reply after reading this thread. Just wanted to add some extra things about my situation that's all.

Quick message of thanks to those who replied so far, appreciate it. Just couple of pointers about myself and why I set up the post above: 1. I'm mixed blood myself and living in my mother's country 2. I happen to be in a family who last married someone from Dad's country 50 years ago and married lots of those from Mum's country (only to end up divorcing most of the time) 3. I feel that Mum's country welcomes their own people to take up culture from Dad's country yet doesn't allow people from Dad's country to maintain their culture and insist they follow the "mother culture" Thanks again

Some quick Qs on people in relationships/marriages with those from different backgrounds. Guys/girls with foreign partners can answer them so can those with partners from the same country: 1. Does loving/marrying someone from another country show that you don't respect potential partners from your country as much? 2. Should a person who's mixed blood be forbidden from ever going out with/marrying a person from a country (s)he wants to belong to? 3. Does the boyfriend's/husband's culture always dominate over that of the female, especially if SHE lives in HIS country? (Considering that HE is still seen as the stronger half, the breadwinner, the wage earner, the physical fighter and the "giving end" in lovemaking)

Momene, damn straight I suppose. I feel shallowness is rampant among women - but unfortunately for me and for women, it's even more rampant among men. Couldn't understand why the heck good decent women go out with AND MARRY very shallow men who appear decent! Wouldn't call them men, I would call them monsters!

I also like the post from eleanorrigby1. I may not be a woman but maybe it could be true about them. Sad thing is the post also states that women may not actually be truthful within themselves about what they really want out of a man. And being a man yet to have a gf, it also enraged me a bit because I get all those suggestions like - you have to be a tanned, tall muscular model or sports star to make women love you and want to be with you - or you have to be wealthy to make them see you as a worthy partner - or you'll be seen as a man only if you can "fund them, fight over them and (make love to) them with the best um equipment" better than any other male I know deep down in my own heart that women would be horrified for me to suggest that falling for such men are locked within their own DNA, but it just keeps happening among people I know and in the media. And I'm also considered quite attractive, stocky/muscular, on my way to a very well paid profession, tough (if necessary) and kind hearted. Feminism has happened in many places but I feel many women still fall for those stereotypes of men. Feminism also made me confused about whether it is revenge against literally every man over the mistakes of other men made against women. I would say that women not being truthful within themselves - whether or not part of their DNA - is the biggest reason why I still feel bitter about women in general and the setbacks I'd need to go through in life just to have them see me in a good light!

I'd agree with NewPhillyGuy...she backstabbed ya through at least two ways...just try to find someone who won't backstab ya ONCE!

Latina07, I appreciate your comments...just 2 things: 1. I'm male Just so angry about how many women appear to skip guys like me from my own culture and marry someone from a different culture to "marry up" 2. I may be weird - but can't help it...I'm sometimes complicated guy With second Q, the phrase was meant to have been: "fund her, fight over her, (make love with) her". That F word was automatically edited.

I've been thinking about how I'm trying to go about starting off a relationship, but haven't really had anyone to talk that much with. Over past month, I've had burning Qs I'd want to ask as I came accross different situations. So, I've the following Qs for this poll - best for ladies to answer but guys can chip in something too: 1. When a woman from your nationality marries a man from a different country, is this considered assimilation into the man's nationality (or taking over the woman's)? If not, how could you be sure it'd stay as "equal" marriage? 2. Despite feminism, is it REALLY part of a woman's instinct to expect her man to "fund her, fight over her"? If so, what's point of feminism in first place? - got me more confused than ever about what women want out of themselves and out of us men! 3. If a man's not perfect with anyone of those three in Q2, would his partner/wife consider him any less of a man?

Shysoul, What you've said was a nice idea, except for one problem: I have been doing it quite often over the past few years with quite a few women. Did I befriend them: yes, did they genuinely appreciate me: yes, did they put me in a position where they would like me to go out with them: NO! A lot of them already had bfs and all of the others ended up being with someone else anyway. In fact, just recently, there's this Italian girl who is great in every aspect and appears to enjoy my company a lot and even appeared to like me a lot, but at a ball (in which she invited me to come over), she had me meeting her bf! I later on asked her to go out for coffee, she said yes - but later she asked if we were friends. On our 3rd coffee, she asked if I had a gf (very curious Q, but didn't want to alarm her by immediately asking her out properly). 3 months later, we had another coffee, but this time she was with her new bf! Us three all chatted for nearly an hour - but I felt crushed every second after she first spoke about HIM! And I think they've been out for more than a year, even though she and I still see each other through coffee, at uni etc and she even invited me out to her 21st. The thing is, Shysoul, although I can follow that approach and not have some limit attached to it, there are ALWAYS guys who try to get a lady before I do. And in the past, this kept happening with guys asking girls out behind my back - AND STAYING WITH THEM...not giving me a chance! I understand what you're saying but I feel that if I don't start taking more proactive and aggressive action rather than just keep being friends with them, I will always befriend "someone else's lady". And considering most of even those "good, decent" men are in fact jerks, I find every occupation of a girl by another guy just another stab in my own heart (OUCH!). Now explain that lol?

Serve the People, that's gd response and I thank you for that. I know asking women out is just something SIMPLE. But, it's made harder because of things like: - women looking at me in slightly funny way when I'm leading myself into asking them out (even when I'm acting normal) - not being sure about how long I should know each lady before making them comfortable enough for me not to intimidate them - fearing that if I do ask one out, then better (ie more likeable and compatible) ladies would see me being occupied and would never consider me later on - not being sure on whether a woman flirting or being nicer than normal means she is actually interested and not just being friendly or setting me up - fearing that 1 no would lead to 100 noes straight after that because of thought, "if girl A doesn't accept me despite who I am, how would others be more accepting of who I am" Thanks again for comment.

Hi everyone I'd appreciate some comments on the following matter I'm 24 years old and just one guy (hopefully not only guy in my neighbourhood) without a gf. Having a gf was something I wanted to do even before high school, but so many bad things have stopped me from actually asking a lady out, everything from worrying about whether a gf would kill my chances of graduation and employment to having women pretending to like me when they're actually performing feminist stunts. It's been 7 yrs since I started uni and despite me being told how handsome I am, how much of an ideal husband I'd be etc, I never went out with a woman and never had something to back up all those good comments with! I feel incredibly frustrated now because I find all these girls who I thought would like me and/or would be OK to go out with now being taken up by guys (most look like no hopers) who just asked them out first like bullets coming out of a machine gun. To make matters worse, I had chance after chance to ask them out – something always held me back and I just hate myself for that! I also feel that if I don't break the ice with women and start asking them out – AND FAST, I will end up being either PERMANENTLY single, going out with women not even born yet or having a marriage by proxy – which are all very insulting to me! So I have some Qs people (both single and attached) can look and try to answer on checking ladies out and asking them out because I know that if I start asking, someone will say 'yes' (although I don't feel it'd happen right now) and the rest will be easier. So… 1. How did your past/current partner know you before asking/being asked out? And how long did it take? 2. Did you meet each other often before asking/being asked out? 3. How did you find asking him/her out and how did the other take it? And… for the men How many times were you refused by women before asking partner out? And how did you deal with rejection? for the ladies Does saying 'yes' to a guy asking you out necessarily mean he's bf/husband material – even if you know him well? If not, why say 'yes' anyway? I'd gladly appreciate any responses. Thanks for reading this. Take care!

Notmyself24, I know you were only trying to help. I knew that you hated that opinion on women being dogs, but sadly I've had at least 90% of them being so - and I was being on my best or normal behaviour too! I never really believed that ALL women are dogs - but there are lots of chics who are just pushing their luck! I did want to seek advice from women anyway - for 2 reasons: 1. women are much more reliable at giving advice about women than men (obviously), 2. I just wanted a general opinion on why when a woman flirts with a man, it doesn't necessarily mean she's THAT into him. Me and B have, of course, decided not to worry about romance - but I don't know if she'd be with BF2 for 2 days or 2 years or (God forbid) even marry him! In response to your Q about men being dogs, it's because I just hate the way a lot of women get "owned" by cheapshot men, instead of at least standing up for themselves and trying to get "genuine" guys to ask them out and go with them - even the shy ones. It's also because...well, I have a Q for you: Can a woman violate a man in the same way a man can violate a woman? I think the answer would be obvious. Thanks very much for your replies and I hope you would find a guy who is great deep down.

Dear chimeraz and notmyself24 I would like to say thanks for your replies. I do know what u mean about how insecure or stuffed up she might be. I don't think she is this sort of woman who is after the icing on the cake or an ego boost – although they're strong possibilities in general. Notmyself24, you don't need to be THAT bitter about me coming up with tricky questions about how women work – my post was for venting out as well as for asking. After all, when a man (me) has been lonely since puberty – I'm still w/family (and loving it), never had a real gf, kept on getting told how beautiful and wonderful he is, still finds men half as wonderful or attractive as him luring, and taking advantage of, women (in one way or another) full bore and still finds women continuing to never really show interest in him as if he's a weirdo, how crazy would u think he might feel? Notmyself24, in response to your answer for Q3, I've actually met BF2 a couple of times – appears OK, but so do some of the world's biggest predators. For your answer to Q4, I do have self-respect, but I'm most peeved off about how men who don't deserve a great woman can take great women and have their hearts and minds controlled by them – so I'm peeved off about man's stupidity as well as woman's craziness. Anyway, just as an update – I had coffee with B. Chat went well, but she got quiet towards end. Then she spoke about "friendly" love letter I sent to her. She said she got upset and 'torn up' by it, she was crying and feeling stuffed up all morning after reading it – because, at least, she said of not knowing what to do. Maybe, that letter woke her up, I don't know. But she said that letter was actually beautiful. She told me that she found me to be a wonderful person and actually wanted to show this fact in front of her friends – this she did by talking to me at uni with them. B then said that she couldn't go with me because: - she also found BF2 to be also wonderful (I just don't know if it's THAT objective) - she always found herself to be a "one man" woman – fair enough, and; - if she was to go with me now (probably while seeing BF2), it'd 'trigger off some sort of chain reaction' So, I think she would've wanted to go out with me, but couldn't because of, really, circumstance. But, she did want us to keep our friendship going but rather as more like "brother and sister" and was happy to get us meeting up later on. I don't know what will happen to B and BF2 in future, but I hope she understands how obviously hard it'll be to get me if she breaks up and suddenly finds me with another woman! One more thing, that letter was sent to help clear the smoke off things and to help B in getting to the point of her being that friendly towards me. But please understand I only wanted to get some insight on Enotalone, without feeling like a donkey as I would in front of my family. It's good thing I still have faith in women, even when a relative of mine continued to insist that all women are dogs except for his wife, daughters, late mother and the Virgin Mary. Thanks again for replies, girls.

Hi all. This is a bit of a long post, so bear with me. I'd appreciate particularly girls' opinions! But, guys can reply too - don't worry... I am in a sticky situation in trying to go with a girl, named B. Without being emotional, I'd say she is very attractive, intelligent, likeable, friendly and has many opinions and interests similar to mine. I've known her for nearly 3 years, but I've started to feel attracted to her 14 mths ago. Now, this is where it gets very sticky (and I'd love women to comment on this): The girl, B (who just turned 21 – I'm 24), chatted with me sometimes in first yr and a half or so, then she "invited" me to go over to a Uni ball. So I went over, and I saw her. We talked a bit and did some club dancing, but one major problem – on that night, she HAD A BF! I obviously felt a bit upset, because I started to like her and thought she would like me more than friends. But, even though she had a bf, she'd still chat w/me in classes sometimes and, at one time, invited me to sit next to her in a class. Late last year, I overheard a conversation of hers with a few other women (sorry for being sneaky ladies, but…) saying that she was looking for other guys and that she was actually still, in fact, a virgin. So, I got the courage to ask her out for a coffee by Email (I didn't look at the reply until 8 days later, she only took 4 hours to reply saying yes). A few days after I sent her that Email, she walked into class – looking into my direction, giving one of the biggest, warmest, most seductive smiles you could imagine. I assume she was probably looking at me – but I can only assume that she did. During exam time last year, she sat next to me in both of the exams we had together. At the end of year party, we chatted for a couple of hours. At that night, she invited me to have some drinks and spoke on lots of different things. She asked me who my no 1 chic was at Uni and I told her that it was her – she said she was flattered. Then, I told her that she is one of the reasons why her nationality's women (same as mine – but I won't mention which one) are the most beautiful breed of woman in human history. She nearly jumped off her chair and gave me a long hug. But, she was still with her BF. When we had our first coffee by ourselves, she said at the end if we were "friends", but didn't mean to embarrass me. She said too that we can always go out for coffee again. So, we did have coffee several more times – couldn't see her much at Uni because of major stuffup making me stay back a year behind (not because of me slackening off, but really because of "communication and confidence problems"). I told her about it, she felt a bit angry about the situation – so that didn't stop us from seeing each other again. I couldn't see her for weeks because of 1. Me being busy in sorting out my own life and 2. Me not believing that I should talk to a woman occupied by another man too much! But, in March this year, when we had another coffee – she told me that she broke up with her BF…AND THEN IS GOING OUT WITH ANOTHER ONE! What's worse – her new BF was over at the table! I tried to tell her (while he was away) that I'd be happy with whichever guy she wants, but she said "I'd rather not talk about it". Ladies, common sense would tell you this if a girl's interested in guy A: girl shows interest in guy A more than BF, guy A shows interest in girl, girl quickly dumps BF and tells guy A she's available, guy A then asks girl out and then later on becomes new BF, RIGHT? I again felt upset by this! But, I thought we could still hang out just as friends, even though I still like her so much! I kept on thinking about her because of me liking her and because of her acting funny over the past few months. In another meeting, I told her that I went out for a night on the town with my sisters and a few of their friends. She began to ask curious questions like "oh, does she look attractive with her blond hair?" and giving a big, nervous smile and holding it for one minute. She also madly fidgeted her mobile with a finger and asked at the end if we can see each other in a fortnight – of which we did. She also did other things like playfully blowing cigarette smoke around me, asking what I'd want in a woman and even inviting me to her 21st. When I went to her 21st, her new BF was still there, but I also spoke with half her family – they seem to get on well with me. In fact, as I was letting her mother pass me, she gently squeezed my forearm for a second. And I heard that she spoke to her mother about my uni stuffup and, actually, had her asking her friend for education legal advice! The 21st was also when I sent her (obviously without anyone else knowing) a bracelet and a "friendly" love letter. That letter only said something like "I'm gently falling in love with you and would love to go out with you, but I'll be happy if we just remain friends". How did she take it? Well, just a week after the party, she texted me, saying: "The letter…um, I really don't know what to say and until the right words come to mind, I'm afraid I can't discuss. I hope that's OK!" That was 5 wks ago. And I rang her up after on when we can meet up next, she sounded happy to hear me – she immediately recognised my voice after not hearing me on the phone for 4 mths and made a suggestion of meeting up the day after during lunch. But, I came here because just yesterday, my sister told me that she spotted B and her 2nd BF and, I think her best friend, sitting around a table on a major shopping strip. I got, well, a bit furious by it - when normally I wouldn't – because I thought that the letter I sent to her was useless. I wasn't trying to force her to go with me, but wanted to tell her how I felt before she gets a chance to dump BF2 and goes onto BF3 without considering me. I was on Enotalone a couple of mths back, explaining my situation to expert Deborah Fielding and she told me that this girl was playing "parlour games" – I take it that, in Australia, it's also called "prostitute games" (showing interest when not actually meaning it)! I'll probably be meeting up with her 2moro, but I think something is telling me, "JUST MOVE ON, MOVE ON, MOVE ON!" I can stay friends with the girl, but I find it hard to do so for 3 reasons: 1.) She is really a very nice and likeable woman with no intentions of being a dog (she told me that she had troubles with trusting men for 5 years before she met BF2!), 2.) I, as a lonely man, would feel stupid having to talk with "someone else's chic" and 3.) I thought BF2 is a complete and utter loser and bigot – in fact, I found him talking close up with another chic on the girl's 21st! So, I want to ask the following Qs about this crazy, stupid situation that I think needs to be resolved – and FAST (as I said, I'd appreciate any female comments a lot): 1. Would a woman who appears happy with her bf be genuinely interested in another man? 2. Would it make her look like a dog if she does, even without any sex? 3. If she is really interested in another man, would she drop her bf right away? 4. If a "decent" woman likes two guys at the same time, would it be realistic to choose one or the other quickly – and then stop flirting with the one not chosen? 5. Why is it that some women are comfortable with being single for a while before having a new BF and others aren't? Thanks for reading – I'm again sorry for long post, but I hope you find this fascinating!

Dear Rhonda This is a bit of a long post - so I hope you won't feel intimidated. I have come accross a girl at Uni who I liked as a friend at first, but began to get deep feelings for over the past year because I found her greatly attractive - on the outside and as a person on the inside. Not only do I like her, but she gets on very well with me. Now here's the problem: She had one bf sometime ago. But, she showed many signs of her liking me back (like sitting next to me in class, 'inviting' me to come over to a Ball - even though she'd be in HIS company, accepting an invitation to have a coffee with me then giving a big smile in my direction at next class). Other big examples include asking me who's my fav lady at Uni - and I said it was her (she said she was flattered), and giving me a big cuddle (about 10 seconds) after telling her how beautiful she is. We had our 1st coffee late last yr, everything went great but asked if we're friends. But, she told me that we could have coffee again. Everytime we met after that, she'd do different things like attentive listening, telling me more about herself, her family and her feelings on different things, smiling often, playing with her earring at one point, leaning forward towards me at another meeting, asking me more about myself and often kissing me goodbye on the cheek. At one time, she even asked if I had a gf. Then, at another meeting, she told me she dumped her bf - and is going out with another guy! She did things at him like slightly brushing his hair and sitting next to him. But, she said she and I could meet up again. She also kissed me twice on the cheek - one for saying goodbye and another for getting her some Easter chocolates (both in front of him). Sometime after that, at another coffee, I told her I was hanging out with my sister - and chatted with her friends (deep down inside, it was really to help me get over the girl's sudden change of heart and her not choosing me back then). The girl then put on a big, nervous grin and giggled for one minute and fidgetted with her mobile and then asked if we could meet up again in 2 weeks. We met up for coffee 2 more times - with both times her acting friendly and/or fond - on one occasion, she told her bf "I love u", but also after that blew cigarette smoke around me and blew the final small puff at me, gently touched my shoulder and later on walked with me to my car's parking building. She just invited me to her 21st, so I am thinking of telling her how I feel about her as a friend then, probably, through a letter. Only with her knowing about it, of course, because I know THAT OTHER GUY would be there too WITH HER. So, now. I might like to ask some simple Qs: 1. Considering how the girl acted above, does she probably like me back? 2. Is it normal for a woman (even one who is not b*!&hy) to show feelings for two guys at the same time - and why? And is that considered s*!#ty? 3. Would she like me or the second bf more, even though she isn't going out with me? 4. Is what I'm about to do a good thing to clear up on how she really feels about me? 5. If she doesn't want to go out with me now, does this necessarily mean that I'm not attractive enough for her!?