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Tronix, I thought that if they did find me good enough to go out with a friend of theirs, they would have done so already....like I happen to have chatted with friends of my elder sister and they knew that I'm single. Liked 1 friend in particular but what happened? She's going out with an older man who is the brother of a soccer buddy of hers who's actually GONE TO JAIL! And did my sister or her friends do anything even though they KNEW I was single?....NO! Ghost, was thinking about doing that for a long time...but wouldn't be lonely at a bar make me appear unattractive and even look like a hermit. Tried that a couple of times when I was invited out and it felt damn uncomfortable...

Tronix, that's the problem....they don't appear to show some slight interest, and even if they do this gets mixed up with just being friendly. I had several lady friends who acted quite sweet towards me and yet stayed with their own bfs who they obviously like more - otherwise what's the point in being with THEM? And btw, thanks for compliment (lol)! Ghost, been trying to socialise in person, but had quite a few complicatons to deal with too...such as not having too many other friends (need to have friends to make friends, right?), feeling that family is always watching you, coming accross so many stuck up men and women etc. Eg went to quiz night last Nov just for that purpose and yet got into table with two couples and one guy suggested for me to go out with a girl he knows - but he was drunk and didn't bother calling me after (aaargh!)

Good saying, Shiva Daywalker, um....you can't exactly have fun if you hear too many no's. I'm trying to figure out if what I'm feeling inside about some parts of my life can be easily sniffed by women...and why they in general appear 10 times more likely to go out with fakers! I understand the importance of asking a girl out myself, but I have to do it properly. I don't even know if I should ask her the first time I meet her? 10th time I meet her? When she knows me well enough 2 years down the track? etc. Know what I mean? I might ask a girl out straight away, but I could at least know if she's already taken And tronix, I have been quite aware of non verbal communication. Even if I put on my best non verbal behaviour - even acting 100% natural and confident, I still feel that they are giving me the cold shoulder. I can at least tell that when I walk past some of them they give slight signs of being reprehensive!

Don't worry Shiva, I'm not offended at all I do believe that it will not happen to me because I'd be making sure to the best of my ability that it won't happen. But I will not know every woman I meet better than herself and that I'd need to consider one big enemy that can be as bad as evil in dictating one person's life - circumstance. I'm trying to figure out what's really going on to make sure that circumstance can work more in my favour and less against me. Oh, perhaps there is a bit of a rush at my age....I'm starting to get a feeling that more women are being snapped up like bullets from a machine gun. I've found some great woman friends whom I love to go out with but it never happened either because they found someone else at the same time, have friends who hate my guts or who move to another part of the world Talk about unlucky...

Well, Shiva...lot of things but without making a life story obvious they include: - feeling that at age 25 and studying at uni, I feel unsuitable just because I'm not earning a DECENT wage; - enduring many bad things at high school and uni, where despite my hard work, I only managed to get into a good course - only JUST, and was nearly made to go out with fat and/or ugly ladies against my will; - feeling that just because of where I live and of my mixed heritage (Italian/Australian), I would not be ethnically acceptable to them; - feeling that I have to have the body of Justin Timberlake or David Hasselhoff just for them to even see me as attractive, and; - being afraid that me going out with particular girls will make me miss the best lady for marriage and lead to a stuffed up marriage with stuffed up kids, just like most couples in my dad's and mum's families It's handful, I know, but I feel that they are just not valid. It's just that my body and mind can't 'accept' this FACT!

I might like to ask the women out there something. I have been having trouble trying to chat with different ladies...and even if I do, I never ever have the chance of even asking them for a coffee in person...always because of some stupid reason. Whatever reason, I'm always held back. Maybe it's myself because I fear that everyone would always say no - just because I'm me. I'm considered to be quite attractive, not really overweight (stocky), not fidgety and quite likeable. But, deep down, I always felt bitter about a lot of things related and NOT related to women in my life to the point where if something stuffs up, I lose my self-control. I never lost it in front of women, but I wonder if women can by intuition sense that a man like me is just too bitter or too odd or too socially unacceptable etc for them to even bother liking him. I keep feeling that whenever I talk to women they act as if I've a massive wart on my nose! Thanks P.S. If anyone suggests for me to seek professional help (just curious), would it necessarily mean that I will have to forget about love until I'm 'cured'?

With Croatia now a part of the EU (where Italy has been since 1958), that can only be a GOOD THING! What did you think of it?

Hi everyone Just been thinking about a girl I liked (ok...probably loved - and still do) for more than 2 years. I have actually thought up of a song...but it's written in Italian. Good news is it's translated into English (will sound corny - but was meant to originally be in Italian - rhymes in Italian etc). Hope u enjoy it. Like to see what u think. Thanks... Perchè Io? Why Me? Italiano (Italian) C’erano molte mattine quando sentivo il sole, trovavo un foto di te fra le donne altre Ti guardavo negli occhi – quei luminosi e castagni, dell’anima più pura di tutte Era sempre una vergogna che la scena tua non anche sembrava la belezza interna Ma era sempre gioia per averti conosciuta un bell’esempio di una donna d’Italia La tua esistenza rilasciava intorno io un’appreciazione dell’amore che, prima mai, non credevo Nel mondo di brutalità e di ogni sogno falso, sono di fortuna di chiedermi: perchè io? CORO (CHORUS) La mente mia è di fulmine L’anima mia vuole balzare Il cuore mio deve scegliere di palpitare or spezzare Ogni singola parte di io vuole fare un ruggito quando di chiedere: perchè io? C’erano sempre momenti quando mi alludevi a volere qualcosa più di rimangere amici Ma erai sempre con uno dei bastardi - non capisco il bisogno di tutti dei guai Tutto non mai ha merito o senso - mi dicevi che erai contenta con LUI, tutto Ma perchè, quando hai letto che ti ho scritto, hai fatto, secondo te, un pianto furioso?! CORO (CHORUS) Che c’era ragione mai per rifiutarmi? Era qualcosa intorno io che ti fa spaventi? Qualcosa che l’altro sembrava sempre migliorarmi? O qualcosa intorno te che sentivi disgustarti? Non hai paura mai, carissima donna! L’ozione che scegli sarà accettata Ma io spero per domani, per l’unione nostra, del futuro di luce per noi, cara! CORO (CHORUS) Ogni singola parte di io vuole fare un ruggito quando di chiedere: perchè io? Traduzione all’Inglese (Translation into English) There were many mornings when I felt the Sun, I find a photo of you among the other ladies I look into the eyes - those bright hazel eyes Of the purest soul of them all It was always a shame that your looks don’t also show your beauty within It’s always joy per knowing you A beautiful example of a woman of Italy Your existence releases within me an appreciation of a love I never believed before In the world of brutality and every false dream, I’m lucky to ask myself: why me? CHORUS My mind goes like lightning My soul wants to explode My heart must choose to beat or break Every single part of me wants to roar when asking: why me? There were moments when you hinted of wanting to be more than friends But you always were with one of those bastards – I don’t understand the need for all this trouble It all doesn’t have merit or sense – you say you’re all happy with HIM But why, when you read what I wrote to you, you said to have made a wild cry! CHORUS Was there ever a reason to turn me down? Was it something within me that scares you? Something within him that’s always better than within me? Or something within you that you feel disgusts yourself? Never be afraid, dearest lady! Whatever you choose will be accepted But I hope for tomorrow, of our own union, of a future for us bright as light, my dear! CHORUS Every single part of me wants to roar when asking: why me?

Actually, I don't go to bars and clubs very often at all (I do get dismayed at the constant mention of women always being picked up in droves in those two places - even though it might not really be the case). I have come accross women in many places - and yet not had any girl giving off good vibes after I gave them some nice, and sometimes polite vibes - such as smiling, saying you wear some nice earrings etc. I also am doing dancing classes - and meeting a nice Polish lady. I go to uni, and sometimes chat with some chics there. And I have just joined up an Italian youth group (as I've Italian background), with a friend of a member saying that he works with a girl he might arrange for me to meet. In this case, just gotta be careful with how I cope with demand. And I'm afraid of other things such as asking the girl out in the wrong way, whether I should ask her out two minutes after I first meet her and whether going out with the girl would risk me losing the true love of my life!

One little problem...I've tried acting completely comfortable but I kept thinking that, judging by the way women kept acting (if they were that interested, they'd make it at least a bit obvious, right?) like I'm no big deal, I always think that no matter how confident I appeared, how well dressed I was or how approachable and clean I've made myself...it's like I've a huge damn wart on my nose. Women just wouldn't give me a sign that says "I find you interesting/cute, can you at least make a first move or something!". I felt like that despite me being me I've always had a cold shoulder brought on.

Scout, I might like to ask: what happens if the opportunity to move in does not occur in the time you're there without looking like a stalker? I'mThatGirl, I'm trying to figure out exactly how other guys actually "butt in" in their own way and then take over - that happens not only in pubs and nightclubs, but everywhere else too. I'm hoping it's not true that girls just go out with guys they've met only just the third time or earlier - unless it's a blind date Batya33, if it's part to do with my own vibes, then would it be better to be myself (and appear even a bit shy, hesitant etc) or just pretend to be totally comfortable - even though I might look over the top?

Girls, ladies, women...aaarrrgh! I was never intending to be stereotypical...but I don't understand why women never intended to lift their heads up when they see a guy, especially in larger groups of women. I know both men and women are people, but we obviously are still different. I was only stating the obvious...but I appreciate comments anyway

1. What if a break is not possible and or cannot be predicted? 2. Men do talk a lot too, but I can't help but think that maybe when women start talking, they go on through solid dialogue for a reasonable time (unlike us men, who usually have shorter responses and have less dense conversations). It's not really to do with the topics women discuss - I can talk about anything. It's just harder if a girl doesn't flow well with dialogue too much

You know, I wish I could agree with you on this one. I still think about a lady who appeared to like me even though she had two bfs at separate times. I know that she probably still likes me now, but is still hanging out with the other guy (and that's what counts, right? - if there was nothing wrong with me, she'd dump him in 2 secs, huh?). I just can't help but think sometimes that once a woman stays with a particular guy, you'd tend to think that she would be so deeply in love with him, she'd say yes if he popped the big question tomorrow.

Hey all I might like to ask about a guy trying to initiate a conversation with a girl but couldn't because of some friend (usually female) talking with her and keeping her occupied like a wild chicken on steroids. So what is the best way to join into a conversation when a girl you want to talk to is busily chatting with someone else...without appearing impolite? And also, when the girl is in a group of girls madly chatting away, is "girl's chatter" that sacred, it must never be interferred with by a guy? This is because one of the biggest reasons why I keep missing "opportunities" is because of me not being able to talk to them enough before another guy hooks her up out of nowhere. I'd appreciate any suggestions, thanks.

The reasons for a guy not having you as a friend after having a crush or deep feelings revealed can be just as elusive as the reasons why women don't keep friendships with guys after men have their feelings exposed. I'm in similar situation myself - I've told a woman my feelings in a letter one year ago. She appeared to understand even though she had a bf. Now, she said to me she felt very uncomfortable being near me and wanted to limit our interactions. I don't know if it's to maintain a friendship, to kindly tell me to go away forever or to try to live with the reality of those feelings without losing face! I'm aware that being "friendzoned" doesn't necessarily mean that you're doomed to not being "loved" by your crush in that way. I think friends who are genuine in their own heart and are always there for them might - only might - be able to have a 2nd chance. Those who resond negatively or try to force things upon their crushes would probably have no chance at all. Maybe it's because a woman may feel that she doesn't want to fall for some friend who would see her as a "trophy gf or wife or partner". Know what I mean?

Wow! That's a nice refreshing topic. I actually thought this topic was dead and buried a LONG time ago. I'm glad that people would say that it's not the skin that counts, but the heart! I suppose maybe there are many different reasons why some want partners only in their own race, some don't want them from their own race and others just don't care! But I can give you a good example: I'm mixed Italian (father)/Australian (mother) but I feel I prefer to stay with an Italian. I'm not racist at all. I'd go out with women of whatever nationality, depends on what woman has to offer on inside and how nice she is (looks, attitude, manners etc). Maybe, people make their decisions because of how things went in their own lives with people from different backgrounds. My example: I feel my family's more Australian than Italian and resent most of my dad's family, who all act Aussie. 1 aunt even became a Pentecostal instead of a Catholic...and ended up I feel worse off for it! And not a single Italian married into my father's family in 50 years - and a lot of them with Aussie spouses ended up divorcing. Most of my mum's family is equally awful, with her own mother acting more like a dictator than a grandma and a couple of Methodists snubbing us off because we're Catholic! And mum's mother divorced from mum's father...and her brother divorced from his wife - affecting 2 children in the process! But, I still feel Italian and I love it! So, what I've just said is probably the biggest reason why I feel having a partner from one race is the best way and that having someone from somewhere else may bring about marriage disaster - just like nearly everyone else in our families. However, having someone good and compatible inside is always better than someone who isn't! Meaning of story: People may have ethnic preferences for partners based on their experiences in life, as well as their families and society. And that, what's in the heart, not on the skin, might hopefully help in men and women making the best decisions for choosing who they want to share their lives with

StolenShadow, I guess what you're saying to me is that once the letter was sent, the genie came out of the bottle so to speak. I knew I didn't want to contact her too much after I did that...but I feel it's such a horrible way to end a friendship. It just gives me a feeling that the woman would be forever apprehensive and even p***d off at me for telling her. I still feel violently angry because she feels angry at me, all because of some guy getting to her before I even had the chance to! I can't understand how even the busiest women always get preyed upon by guys who appear hedonistic and yet guys who are just as busy (like me) never even have a chance! I understand totally what you're saying...I just hope and pray to God that any slob won't pop the big Q to her anytime soon! BTW, would her wanting to stay away from me be because of me being undesirable to her or because of her not wanting to worry about more than one guy at once?

Oh, one more thing. That letter was sent to actually help me check whether the woman's moves were romantic or just friendly. But, the biggest reason why I sent it is because I want to tell her I find her to be such a great woman, outside and inside - and that NOONE in the whole world should have the right to tell her differently. She deserves to be respected hard and to be loved even harder. I tried to prevent misinterpretation, so I only want her not to feel scared when seeing me.

HoneyPumpkin and Momene, I know what you're saying about her being JUST as a friend. I do try to cool off - in fact we only saw each other face to face 5 times this year! I didn't want to force her to do anything she didn't want to do. I'm just upset that she couldn't choose me even though I've proven myself. Her 1st BF is only socially acceptable because of his Oxford educated neurosurgeon father. Her 2nd (and probably current) bf is somewhat an opposite of her - dopey, doesn't exactly take care of his appearance and drinks alcohol all night often! She is my friend - and won't change until she wants to "walk through the entrance door". Felix, I think maybe life can have funny way of catching up things. In fact, there's one girl I liked about 5 years or so ago who I thought I'd never see again b/c of graduation suddenly appearing on my bus a couple of times. Just wasn't sure if that was actually her! Even if both women realise that I'm the one they're better off marrying, there could be a risk that I may end up staying with a woman not as good as one or both of the others because of cheap circumstance! In fact, you might like to refer to Who do I choose? in General Advice - I bet ya that'd be hard! But, I thank all of you for giving me your thoughts. More comments are welcome!

Hey folks I’ve this woman whom I’ve known for more than 3 years. About 2 years ago, I developed feelings for her even though I acted quite friendly with her – sometimes she went to point of appearing interested in me. Also, over past 2 years, she had 2 bfs. I asked her out for coffee, she accepted but couldn’t take it further because of her having 1 bf. But we kept seeing each other at uni, over coffee etc. Then she had another bf. BUT SHE’S FROM A STRICT FAMILY – SO NO NAUGHTY IDEAS OK? I found her to be quite a nice, polite and likeable person whom I could get along with very easily – so I thought I’d tell her my feelings in a “friendly” love letter for her 21st. But, this was watered down – no “I love you”'s, no raving-ons about true happiness, marriage, eternity blah blah blah. She told me later on that, although the letter left her upset and torn up, she loves me as friend and that I’m wonderful like her bf. She also found the letter to be beautiful. I insisted that I wasn’t forcing her into anything and that she can go further with me only if she wanted to. That was one year ago. Over next few months, we got on fine until, later on, she looked tense when I saw her over coffee. She told me that it’d be hard to try to meet up because of work, uni etc. Just recently, she looked quite tense when I saw her but didn’t say anything odd. But then, something inside me snapped and I then got the courage to ask her by mobile if I upset her by the way she acted. She told me that she likes chatting with me, but that letter (yes, THAT LETTER) left her very uncomfortable and wanted to “limit our interactions” because of me confusing her kind gestures as romantic. I personally call them sweet – but not romantic (that’s higher up the scale). I then texted back saying I’m sorry for having the letter upsetting her and wished that she told me earlier. I also told her that I hope that we could stop feeling embarrassed and bitter about catching up. I honestly felt like crying when she told me the real truth – I can’t believe that she went from relaxed to scared just because I wanted to tell her my feelings for the woman who she is! I then told her she must have obviously appeared more than upset for what I did, that I must now appear 2nd rate and that we should limit communication until I'm seen as acceptable. She then said that I may need to interpret people's attitudes and that those who wouldn't be there for me socially like her don't deserve my time. I would love for things to go on further later on but I’m not holding my breath on this one. I’d be happy even to stay good friends. But I’m wondering if our friendship’s scarred because of that letter. I still have deep feelings for her, but I just wished that letter never saw the light of day! So…. Is it normal for a woman to feel scared after receiving a love letter from a guy who feels he might have a chance? Can forgiveness really be possible after it happens? Can good friends have the chance of being together…even after one person admits love for the other and then ends up making him/herself embarrassed?

What about if girl A's good, but girl B you feel is better for you?

I thank all who so far gave me their ideas. Problem is, when in front of girls, I do: - smile; - act sincere and friendly; - not act cocky; - dress clean and trendy; - act confident and give eye contact etc. And yet, I keep finding girls, while saying that I'm wonderful, likeable etc going out - and pretend that they're about to marry - guys who I feel are so disgusting should have their heads kicked in. I guess it's also by me not asking girls out even for a cup of coffee. But, I feel not so confident when women give me these cold shoulders or say "um I already have a boyfriend". I might call myself bad at handling rejection. I also don't know what to do if I go out with one chic and find a more compatible chic being by herself and then want to ask her out. I'd then be left with two options: 1. Stay with the first chic and fear that you'd be stuck with someone who you'd find to not be the best after all just because YOU'RE WITH HER - and watch chic B go out - and then falling for and marrying - some jerk because YOU'RE WITH CHIC A; 2. Ask the chic B out - and break the heart of chic A and find myself as a predator, stringer, playboy and scumbag by the entire female half of the world. And guys, don't worry...you won't get bullets in your head by adding something here lol

I would often try to approach women normally and, many times, I get a cold shoulder from them - I mean not verbally but just giving me a feeling that I'm like a rotten, smelly piece of meat shown by, for example, sitting away from me when they're about to sit next to me. A friend of mine on the Net told me that the biggest reason for that is that women can see that a man has issues just by looking at him - they get a sense of it. And they just react to it. I do have issues, you can refer to my past posts. But, I might like to ask the women out there: Is it true that you can spot a man with issues - and react negatively to him? And would you consider him more attractive if he pushes his issues aside or deals with them first? Thanks

Thanks for your comments from earlier. I might first need to ask how come you love Italian men, only to end up marrying an Irish fella (and then watching him divorce you)? The answer might be circumstance, right? If it is, then that is one thing I am so particularly upset about. Circumstances giving me the worst life could possibly offer, instead of what I hoped for and tried to work for in life. With what you're saying, I do consider myself as ITALIAN, but my family considers me as more Aussie than Italian...just because my Mum's Aussie and I was born in Australia. Well, would a German born in Japan be suddenly called Japanese just becuase of the place of birth? I appreciate what you are suggesting to me - especially when I've funny feeling that's what you already did. But the reality of me leaving NOW is: - it costs US$1,300 just to fly to Italy ONE WAY; - just packing up my bags and quitting my education would only turn me into a refugee - even if I'm mostly italian. Some Italian politicians actually wanted refugees to be "shot out of the water"; - I can't exactly get out and stay out if I don't have a good job and/or money - me doing so would be me risking death (seriously I think it is); - my family already put up with a lot of poverty in the Australian "lucky country"...so I don't know if living under a bridge would do any better especially when me seeing one more drunken yokko with a bottle of beer on a bus would drive me um HOMICIDAL; - my own immediate family are not lowlives but nearly everyone else we know are...let's just say right now I feel like disowning, for example, 90% of Dad's family and 80% of Mum's family But, I honestly do want to leave Australia and never come back once I become more financially secure, despite Dad and Mum telling me that after their trip to Italy 2 years ago, Italy has even more problems than Australia. Well, EXCUSE ME, hang on here...what about Australians having more problems than Italians - and that's for everyone living in Australia, me having an Italian father is better than me having an Aussie loser as a father or stepfather etc. And what about the 1 million Australians leaving the "lucky country" so that they can live in eg the US, Britain and, of course,...Italy? As for women, I'm tired of having to put up with me being lonely when I don't need to be. I'm tired of having to put up with me hanging around all the ugly skanks and watching all the good and/or beautiful women going out with and marrying total jerks. I'm mostly fed up about Italian women, in particular, not going out with me. I keep struggling to find reasons why...I keep feeling either that I'm not Italian enough for some and too Italian for others. Even if I suddenly stopped trying to find a woman, what would happen if I do it for a few years, when all of a sudden nearly every good woman gets taken up PERMANENTLY by jerks who pretend to have big wallets and/or big jewels between their legs. Every opportunity that I had was wasted because of women being able to find me having BIG ISSUES and me reacting to their reactions - like a violent cycle. I feel, however, that I can't exactly resolve all my issues until I do get out of here...but I need to get out of here properly or I'll have big issues in Italy too. Lastly, I want to go out with women because I wanted to, not because I have a desparate need for them. If I found romance to be a nice, wonderful thing and if many told me that I'd be a wonderful partner, then how'd you feel if you were found out these things and still found the opposite sex staying away from you like a rotting, smelly piece of meat? :splat: And then find them falling for all those jerks who happen to turn on one or two quick moves to have them charmed for life? Know what I'm saying? Anyway, thanks very much again. I'd like to see what you think...and others too.