Oh Life

i had a setback today as i looked at my ex's facebook page (first time) and I dont think I will do it again. it was painful to see even though what is in the pictures is nothing that wasn't happening while we were together. i guess i must go through so much pain before ill finally realize that NC it what i must do. but she always has said if we stopped talking that we probably wouldnt get back together. i have to stop thinking of the good times and realize what the last 10 months actually have been - a slow weaning off of her feelings for me-even though she has told me recently that she will always have feelings for me. Probably why its hard for her to contact me.

Kile Original has put it nicely. An extension of my original comments are what he has written above.

the woman chooses the man. it will never last if the woman does not have her heart set on the guy she picks to be with long term.

Well when she has done it she usually looks at me and then smiles and then does it. Then we laugh. What about the other stuff I wrote above? Was it wrong to send the flowers to the family. Hopefully they wont take it the wrong way like I am a creep or something.

I tried giving her an ultimatum but it didnt work. She says, 'you can't deal in absolutes, i.e. we either get back together or nothing-there are grey areas here' and then when I tried to kiss her she pulled away. I said if you dont feel anything for me then prove it by kissing me and not let it affect you. She then said she will 'always have feelings for me' so she couldnt unless we were getting back together. after i apparently 'disappointed her knight on white horse' and 'abandoned' her she is trying to be really independent like she doesnt need a guy. but women , even successful are programmed to want to be taken care of. i know whats going to happen ill eventually move on and then ill be so pissed at her because we wasted so many possible good times because she is afraid to commit. *her parents split for 1 year when she was 1, and then her mom came back after 1 year. then they were together for 12 years before they got married. I think because of this and other abandonment issues from childhood (parents working a lot and not seeing them), she is afraid to commit and seeks male attention. She knows if she is around me she is weak. She purposely limits contact with me because she knows if we are around each other she will fall for me again and I guess she is afraid to trust me with her feelings again.

i was out for halloween on saturday and while i was there my ex was there and she got the impression that I was ignoring her the whole night. i wasn't trying to ignore her i was just busy talking and dancing with another girl. she then came up later in the night and said "you know she has wrinkles". basically the girl i was with was older. my ex has said putdowns of sorts in the past like "i can't get a girl as attractive as her or if I did they would be lacking in other qualities." this is partly my fault though because I compared her to my old ex in the beginning and she still holds that to me somewhat. Then after the bar closed she comes up and tells me that her grandma died and she didnt know whether to call me about it or not. i said i was sorry and wished she would have called. After we broke up she said she wanted to know I could be there for her. Well here was a chance and SHE DIDNT call me. she is trying to be super independent and not rely on anyone, even me who she knows she could trust her life with. I called her sunday and we talked for 20 minutes, about her family and the funeral. I asked if she wanted me to go with her to the funeral and she said thanks but no. ( she is kinda embarrassed of her family somewhat, they are a little crazy one of the uncles in the military said he would kill me if i broke her heart and he didnt laugh afterwards, but then we smoothed it all out- just to give you an idea. I suggested a movie then later in the week that she liked and she didnt give a 100% yes but seemed interested to go. I sent her family flowers because I was sorry for the loss. Fast forward to last night, went out again for halloween and she was there again. we didnt talk at all while there but we both knew we were both there and I talked with her friends that i know. I met another girl that night who is really cute but she is brunette and bustier. (my ex is blonde and more slender). I think my ex may think Im trying to make her jealous but Im not. I am worried that things I do will be taken out of context by her if i dont clarify, but then again id like her to actaully see she WILL LOSE me because the whole time we have broken up she has said "WE WILL PROBABLY BE TOGETHER". its exhausting really.

well i am a contrarian of sorts and I have done some acts in public that she has told me 'embarrassed' her so I could see that she might have tried to embarrass me back. this is really a minor issue though. i guess im trying to use it to read into my ex's barometer on how she feels about me.

well i understand its considered rude somewhat but we both laughed about it and we were kind of secluded both of the times. the thing is I would probably not pass gas loudly in front of her because I try not to do anything perceived as 'negative' around her (even though its human). this isnt like a big thing ive focused on but just a curiosity but if I feel like she doesnt respect me then why stay in painful contact.

I have been 6 months out of a 1.5 yr relationship with my ex. we have had LC since the breakup and lately the last few times we have gotten together and talked she has passed gas out loud while with me in public (it was away from other people though so no one else heard). My question is do you think she does that because she is so comfortable around me or is more that she doesnt respect me anymore so she can do that and not care what I think? I don't care that she does it really but didnt know if I should read into it or not.

Hello Everyone, I have been on the various boards at Enotalone since my relationship with my ex ended about 6 months ago. I've went through a lot of stages and cycles, and I am hoping that by posting my feelings about the situation I can help relieve some of the pain and anxiety this loss causes me. I have thought of my ex every single day since the breakup, no matter what I try it seems I can't get thoughts of her out of my head. In the beginning I would think of our past but now those memories are not as painful. It seems that thinking about and analyzing our recent interactions and uncertain future is the most draining. In fact as I write this now it is hard to put down what I am exactly trying to say. I guess I have thought about it too much today and I'm too exhausted. I will post more as it comes but this is enough for today. The thing that hangs me up the most is that she says she will "probably be with me" but every day that doesn't happen is painful when I stay in contact with her. I think its possible we are both weaning off from each other during this LC.