Kwothe28

Why do you torture yourself like that? She is unable to take guilt for her own actions. First she did nothing, then she wanted to make you jealous, when you found out then she was raped and then it was her mental issues. You should have been gone the second you found out somebody writes her "I love you". Instead you stayed and was even accomplice in her lies. That kind of person will never take responsability for her own action. It will always be something else. After everything she did, there is trully zero reasons for you to stay. Unless you enjoy drama and her going behind your back and then blaming it on something else.

What waffle was trying to say(at least how I interpret) has nothing to do with business advice. It has to do with how you present yourself. Or shall I say how you "sell" yourself. If you say to somebody "Oh, I am a freelancer", that means nothing. But if you say "I have a thriving freelancing business with many clients" that gets a different more exciting note. So when they ask how that is going you can say "Oh, its great, it pays well plus flexible working hours allow me to have time for music festivals that I like to visit". See how I turned something bland into something more presentable for people? Now you are not just somebody who works something from home, now you are somebody with legitimate business who loves music and has time for his hobbies. And that is what you are suppose to do. It doesnt matter if you are not the most handsomest, or even most exciting person out there. In reality, rarely who is. I know many guys that dont have too much to brag about, they are not pretty, lots of them has very low paying jobs etc. But they go by because they know how they present themselves. So, again, identify your strenghts and play by them.

Well he did kissed you and does seem like a genuine guy that wants more and that will not "ghost" you as he keeps contact. However, yes, until he actually asks to see you again, dont assume anything. Dont get attached that fast, sometimes one side assumes connection while other doesnt have that strong feelings, so until some time passes dont invest that much of yourself. Also, no matter the profession, dont fall for "busy" excuse, if he wants to see you he will find time to do it. Take it easy and have fun.

If you dont think you deserve more then a married men who are eager to cheat their wives and lie to you to get that, you wont get more. And I am sorry but that is on you. Maybe you are just guilable, maybe just crave for love, but you let that guy use you. So take this experience as the lesson and dont involve with married men again. At least aim higher then that because that is trully low aim for a relationship.

Yeah, I somehow doubt the first sentence. OP, men who are capable of "crossing the line" like that are monsters. He didnt only hit you, he tried to kill you without a remorse. That is not only domestic violence, that is attempted murder. To hit anyone like that, throw down the stairs and strangle until they pass, he is a monster. It really doesnt matter that he wasnt violent before, as long as he can cross the line like that. I had a high school friend. Her ex boyfriend was very quiet guy, wasnt violent, didnt even drink alcohol. Nobody could said a bad thing about him. And yet one day after an argument they had on remote location, he killed her and then her sister who was with her. Hid the bodies, even has gone next day to a "search party" with police. They caught him at the end, and he serves a long sentence in jail now. My point is, at least from a violent one you know what to expect. From unhinged one, like that guy or your husband, when they snap, they will outright kill you. And everyone who stands on their way. You, your lover, your family, everyone. So take this very seriously. Involve the police, get protection, dont meet him for any reason, dont even talk to him if its not in court. Because that guy, he is out there on the mission to finish the job he started. Dont even doubt about that.

It doesnt have to be. Him being a "leech" is more then enough reason for a break up. He needs to pull his own weight. To work, pick up some bills, take care of the stuff around the house etc. If he doesnt you might as well live alone. Bills would be way smaller(for rent you can take a roomate to split or take a smaller place just for yourself), you would shop groceries for one etc. So you wouldnt have to take 3rd job to support his lazy ass. What I am trying to say is, him being like that is big enough problem for both of you. Even if he is great boyfriend otherwise. So, doubt it would help, but have a talk with him. And tell him that if he wants to continue to live with you that he has to get a job because you cant pay all of it alone. And that you will show him the door otherwise. You cant take a 3rd job just because of him, that is downright insane. You are in no obligation to support him and well within your right to just throw him out if he wont contribute to household.

Eh, who knows? Its not how somebody ready for stable relationship would act, doesnt mean she is not sane. Anyway, its not your job to find her reasoning, you just saw how she is and that should be enough. So use that knowledge and dont continue contact and move on.

And suddenly, why she invented all those silly reasons to get out makes sense, doesnt it? Again, with people like her, you have no idea what to expect. One day you will be a perfect partner. The next she will have her doubts and broke up. Then she will remember that she had a good thing and contact. But next day somebody else will contact her so she will bail out from you. Unreliable... Go "no contact" and dont look back.

I would also ask what Canadian girl asks: You spent probably a lifetime with that woman, is now really a problem just because she wont go cycling? It just seem strange that you got along for years only for her not being proactive now bothers you. You have to at least have some activities you do together as you are (assuming) hapilly married for years. Also, yes, its not unusual for old people to go to trips and do stuff separately. So if you want to do cycling go for it. Just dont cheat your wife with a friend lol

What is not clear about that? Even if she is just shy, she said "no". After that all you can do is move on from there. So, go with Zoom girl. She is at least intersted in seeing you again.

Thats really sweet Though I have a feeling you moved a bit too much on a friends scale. So you would have to be a bit "cheeky" to get an answer. For example to ask somethng that would warrant a reaction like if he thinks you are attractive.

Yes, be sure to also sleep with him and take care of this gentle and poor soul of a man... Sorry, sarcasm. But you fell for oldest trick in the book. Married men who would just about to leave their wife for you. Dont fall for that trick again or even involve with married men. As you can see its not worth investing your time into that.

Ha. Boys are easier to us men. Or at least easier to connect with. But yes, you never know. Friends kid asked for a laptop for school and to play games and they splashed and bought the expensive gaming one. He played a bit and didnt touch it anymore, has more interest in going to playground outside with other kids. That same friend pulls a lot of weight when it comes to kids. Even hired assistant and transfered a lot of work to him so friend could be more around kids and involved there. But he is very responsible person. He told me something to reflect a while ago: when you are at late age you dont have time to drag relationships like before, but you should have experience to recognize if the person is suitable for you very quickly and see where its heading. So, look at it from that side and that you did that even if it didnt end up in something more positive.

Wow, just wow. That is quite possibly most hurtful thing I have read in a while. I understand that he is hurt, but that was uncalled for. That whole message is there to bring you down. That is not something somebody nice would said. He didnt deal with break up before, but still, you dont say that to somebody you claim to care about. You did good to go away from somebody like that. Staying there or conceiving a child with that person would be a nightmare. You tried and it didnt worked out, dont feel bad for that. At least you didnt spend much time on him and you cut it off in time. Dont second guess the decision. While I am sure he has positive properties, just "being nice" often isnt enough. In life you need somebody who you can relly upon. With that guy, tomorrow when kids come, it will all fall to you. You will maybe not have that much time for friends and going out but you will have bunch of other obligations over kids. Taking them out to play, feeding them, cleaning them, putting to sleep, later taking the to school or even some sport practice etc. Somebody like him, who got used to hermit life, wouldnt be at any help there. Outside or at home. Its better that you saw that on time and broke it off. Also, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. OK, age is a factor but people have kids at 40. Having just somebody to procreate isnt a solution. Nore is just having a kid. Its your goal as it should be. But its far more important to have that kid in a healthy relationship with somebody who would make you happy and pull his weight when it comes to it. Focus on that first, marriage and kids should come as an extension of that.

To not be significantly overweight and has a job and good family background? That is not some unrealistic standards to have. Both of those issues will create a problem in the long run. You maybe accepted her(I would even say settled for her and got used to her) but in the long run you couldnt deal with that. Because it does bother you. Lots of people grow during relationship under the influence of partner. Become more healthy, more mature, stuff like that. Lots of people even "rise above" bad family background and dont become them. However in her case, that wont happen. In 4 years she is still overweight and has no job at all. You say she grow but I fail to see it there. If in 4 years she asks commitment so she could lose weight and be more healthy, its just an excuse. So, leave her alone and find somebody who will be up to that standards.

You move away from that. Anytime there are a mixed signals like that and she avoids meeting from whatever reason, you just move away. Its not on you to assume the reasons. Maybe she just wants attention, some of her actions and her wanting to pull you up whenever you pull away imply that. Maybe she found somebody in meantime and wants you as a second option if that fails. None of that should concern you. Your concern was to get the date. When she says yes but its dodgy about it(mom sick, cant get out, tired etc), you move away from her and find somebody else who will actually be excited to go out with you and not just keep you in the loops for whatever reason.

Nah, you have enough proof that he is at least being innapropriate. Messages, lies, sleeping at her place, showering there. That is way too suspicious to be just friends hanging out. If you were not married and had kids I would tell you to just leave. Like this, you need to at least confront him first. Though he, as all cheaters, would probably lie so be careful with that. If you really want proof there is probably some agency who would provide that service. By the sound of things they wouldnt have hard time to get it for you. But again, once the lies starts, that is it, sorry.

What? Your partner is not entitled to that stuff. If they need laptop, or bike, or anything else they can buy it. People in relationship do that kind of stuff, for anniversaries, birthdays, heck even just because. But they do it because they want to and because other side does the same for them. If he/she expects you to just buy them all that, that is just entitlement.

He wanted to be "the man" and do it himself. Which doesnt justify his reaction at the end. It is a minor issue so really there is no need for him to be that mad at you.

I am sorry, what? If that happened while you were together both are trash. He would have never told you if it wasnt for confrontation and she would have never told you if she wasnt rejected. After you broke up its a fair game but still you dont do that before you check with friend if its OK. So, take your steps and remove yourself from those people. Trust me, you would be happier.

Meant about "hope you are as happy as I am" and all from previous thread. Even if you are happy, you dont really shub it to other person nose like that after break up. I dont mean as "she wants you back" games. Good. Move away. Again, 10 months is a lot, you should be at least close to acceptance and moving on and you are nowhere close to it.

The real question is why after 10 months you arent anywhere near close to acceptance? Even if he is a rebound, real deal, even if she cheated on you with him duriong relationship, you should be on your own journey by now. I know its not easy but you need to move on and focus on yourself. I skimmed through previous thread so i assume its the same girl. From what you said, she was no prize to begin with. So, I suggest to focus on that. And that you are much better without her and that you will find somebody better. Dont play her games, dont hear from her and look at her posts or whatever, block and try to heal and move on.

So you want to tell her that you lied to her by telling her its basically her fault that you lied. Yes, I can see how well that conversation is going to be already lol

Did she actually said something like that that or is that you are telling yourself to justify your lie? She was hurt because you were not listening to her. As I said, ridiculous but doubt she will end friendship because your FWB. Even if she does, again, your choice is who you see even if its a creeper. You lying is also solely your choice to not tell her that you like the guy and want to see him further. Because that probably take much deeper conversation you arent really ready to hear from her. Like this you just told her its over so she wouldnt bother you further. So, again, dont shift that blame on her. And dont lie to your friends because you know they wont be supportive of your dating decisions.

Think there is also this. Though I dunno how much is it into account with her not liking him because of it Anyway, all 3 sides are ridiculous 50 year old creeper who goes to swinger parties and hangs around younger girls who could be his daughters Your friend who pouts out because you didnt listen to her. Even if she is right, it is your life. I would just say "Fine, bang your head against the wall if you want" if I were her, but her reaction is way over the top You who actively lie to your friend about some guy you just have sex My point is that you created a ridiculous situation. Where you sleep with some guy that can be your father and lie to your friend about it. That is not something normal and you also know that. And whole thing is on you. But as I said, we(or even your friend) are not here to police who or who you cant sleep with. However, dont lie about it. Have a "heart to heart" talk to friend and talk it through.