qavei

Oh man... thank God I'm not in high school anymore =) Sorry, but I feel terrible for the situation you're in. It really shouldn't be that hard, but it's how you learn to deal with tough emotional issues that will occur later in life and to make them less painful. My best advice is to just be nice and to tell them that you care about all of them and you want to keep your friends and you also want this guy as a boyfriend and it doesn't make sense that you can't have both. If you go out with this guy and your friends shun you, then tell them how immature they are and laugh at them. If you think you could have something special with this guy, don't throw it away. I highly doubt he'll be your future husband, as you are still in high school (I assume) but the relationship experience is VERY important. If your friends are true friends, they'll be there for you no matter what, even if they're a bit cold for awhile, especially if they see that it's working out with you and him.

She obviously has deeper issues about insecurity than she tells you. It's definitely not because she thinks she's bad at sex... If she wanted to be good at sex, she wouldn't stop and cry during the middle =) Just tell her gently that it isn't attractive of her to be so self-loathing. It's simply honesty. People sugar coat things too much and they don't get what they want out of life. When you're older and more experienced you'll cut right through all the silly stuff and it'll be a LOT easier. But for now just tell her what you want from her, and if you're such a catch, she'll cool out and trust that you're enjoying what's happening. But like I said, the main issue is the fact that she has deeper issues that you don't know about and only she can control those. You can't change her or force her to be happy and confident. It's her choice.

One message is okay... ten would be bad =) But if you leave a message for her every night, it will feel smothering to her. Basically just do what feels right and don't overthink things like you seem to be doing. Be casual and don't worry. I was a lot like this when I was younger, worrying about every little action I take and every word I say to a girl, but trust me, they pick up on this and it is not attractive to them. Just gotta be casual, man.

You say it's hard to read her... that indicates that you two don't have very open and honest communication. thereforeeee you probabaly shouldn't be together =( It's hard to let go of someone you cared for for so long and it doesn't mean that you don't love her anymore, but your time together has simply come to an end and you both need to move on. Plus you've been with her for 5 years and you're only 20? Man, that's a LOOOONG time. For variety's sake if nothing else, move on. Everyone needs to be with different types of people at different times of their life.

This is going to sound harsh, but I think you already know the answer. It isn't going to work. I was in just about the exact same position as you and I fooled myself for a long time that I could make it work, but it just didn't. You deserve to have a good healthy, happy relationship, as does everyone. Life is too short to waste in a bad relationship. You've made it very clear that her personality isn't the type you'd like, and naturally not many people want to be in a relationship with someone who's that mentally unstable and has such low self esteem. She has LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of work to do on herself before she can even think about being in a commited relationship much less a MARRIAGE! Like I said, I think you know the answer and you just have to admit it to yourself. It sounds like it'd be the best thing for both of you. It'd be proof positive that she has issues that she has to work on and it'd make her confront those issues. I apologize if this sounds cold at all, but like I said, I was in the same situation. Just because your relationship isn't working doesn't mean you don't love her... you two just weren't the right fit. She probabaly feels inferior to you based on her instability and education and that's something that will probabaly never end. Plus you know that she doesn't have many qualities that you want in someone. She's nice and caring... well, people should be! =) She makes you cookies... that's very good. But it's not enough.

Usually when people get in arguments about eachother's activities, it's a control issue and really has nothing to do with the actual activity, in this case drinking, especially at such a young age. First, you both shouldn't be drinking at all but you know that. Second, you need to have an honest talk about your relationship and what you need from eachother. If everything's totally rosy outside of drinking, then, well... just stop drinking =) I know it's a tough habit to break when you're young. The novelty of having an altered state of mind is very alluring, but you need to be careful. Find an enjoyable activity that you both enjoy and have a passion for. Do you like art? Exercising? Basketball? video games? anything... just find more things you have in common and enjoy those without worrying about the negatives. Also it's not possible to control other people, you can only control yourself and you shouldn't put the stress of worrying about other people on your shoulders when you can't do anything about it.

First thing, trust me, you are overanalyzing the crap out of the situation. I've been in your shoes many times before and I know how you're feeling, I empathize completely... it sucks, it really does =( Basically, the impression she has of you is that of an unexperienced regular 'nice guy' that has developed an obsession over her. She's probabaly had lots of people like you in her life. The only chance you have of attracting her is for you to HONESTLY, TRULY to STOP having these feelings for her and to go out and just live your life, see other girls. If you aren't seeing other girls, she won't be interested in you. If you don't have much ambition in life, she won't be interested. You have to give her something to be interested in. Get involved with more activities, tell her about your passions in life, if you don't have any passions, find some or make some up. Act confident around her and be funny and make her want to be around you. Don't act like everybody else! Even if you "put on an act" it's okay, because it's still you and that's the nature of the mating ritual. We all put on our masks. But of course don't do a complete 180 right away because she will know you're playing games =) It's a tough situation, but basically the only true way to make any headway with her is to forget about her and focus on other things. Let her just be an aquaintance.

Melatonin gives most people more intense dreams and could probabaly help you to remember more of them. Dreaming is one of my favorite things in the world, it's a true communication between you and your unconscious without all the confusing clutter that we inject into our waking lives. If you're a philosophical guy, like me, you should probabaly want to remember your dreams and see what your unconscious has to tell you. Melatonin's not a drug, it's a natural chemical in your brain that helps with remembering dreams and memory in general, so it's a very useful supplement. You can find it in most vitamin sections. -Joe