bat_grrl

I sure wish my bf only lived a mile away instead of a 12 hour drive away! I wouldn't have to be dealing with all the stuff I am dealing with right now! I haven't seen my bf since Oct and haven't talked to him in 2 weeks (family emergencies). I was supposed to go see him in January, but due to family circumstances on his end, I may not be able to. I guess I don't consider a mile away an LDR. You are 15 and don't drive (can you take public transportation?), so I guess it can seem to be a problem. However, most relationships at your age are restricted to seeing each other on the weekends and at school (if you go to the same school). You both have family responsibilites and usually school breaks are a big time for families to get together and do things. Try to find things you like to do on your own or with your friends. Be happy that you get to see her on weeknds and such. Some of us don't get to see our boyfriends or girlfriends but once every few months!

That was a wonderful post! Thank you for that! Sometimes what we want, or what we think we want isn't actually waht we need. If we keep looking for that "perfection", sometimes we overlook the gifts right in front of us. It is so much easier to be apathetic or negative and well, that just brings about the like. I am definitely not the most positive person myself. In fact I can be downright cynical. However, I do know when I try to keep a positive outlook and visualize things I want to happen in my life coming about, I am happier. Negativity only brings about more negativity, it also repels the positive. Like anything, it takes practice. Changing habits is never easy...I should know..I am like the pot calling the kettle black here..LOL

I have been taking the pill on and off for years now. what you describe is not uncommon. Every month, I get sore breasts and swear I have to go the bathroom more frequently, swear I am tired, etc. right before my period. I get all worried that I am pregnant, take a test and I am not. If you are that worried about it, go buy a test. I don't think that you are pregnant though. The pill mimics being pregnant, so sometimes our bodies react as we are. Tri-phasic pills, those which the hormone levels fluctate through the monthc can cause even more of these symptoms. Which is why some make you feel hungry, tired, irritable, etc. I have had a alot of trouble finding a pill that works for me and doesn't make me feel ill or break out really badly. Anyway, I think you are okay, but again if you are worried, just buy a test, if you can. Also, I wanted to say kudos to you and your bf from being so careful..

Thank you so much for your replies. I seem to get kind of a split consensus between ppl heare and my family/friends. Some ppl seem to think I should just walk away, as if he really cared about me he would make a better attempt to keep in touch. I know him well enough to know if he wanted to break up, he would tell me, not just blow me off. I keep getting told he just isnt that into me to bother...I just think he is having trouble dealing with a sick parent and the possibility of losing his mother on top of his father dying a couple of years ago. I think that I just need to give him space and realize he and I operate on different levels of communication. Yes, if it was me, I probably would be on the phone to him, emailing him as much as I could, needing his support. He on the other hand, hates the phone and hates leaning on ppl for anything. He told me he wasn't good and whining and complaining about things to other ppl. I think I will just hang back for a bit and see what transpires. She is going through treatment, and will be having suregery. there is a long road ahead. If I havent heard from him in another couple of weeks, I may take the chance on calling him at work. I got his work number off the net so I am a bit apprehensive about calling him at work just yet. Anyway, I will be needing some support on this every so often...so I hope you can stand it...LOL

I aghree with the previous posts. I think he just wanted to see if and how you would react. It was to illicit a response. That is immature on his part. As for the fact of him going to the strip club, if it was for a bachelor party or something like that, I could live with it (as long as it didn't happen often). But that is me. I wouldn't be happy if it was just him deciding to go down to the strip club for a few lap dances after work. As his gf, I would wonder why I wasn't the one giving him the lap dances!! As Muneca said, I wouldn't argue with him but explain to him how it makes you feel. You especially don't want to get all emotional about it, as this seems to be what he wanted. It seems as if he has a bit of a self-esteem and insecurity issue to have to say these things to you in some immature attempt to have you prove to him that you care for him...

I left my family a long time ago to move to move accross the country and then left the US to move to Canada. I know how you feel. I have been here about 2 years now and sometimes it still doesn't feel liek home. I went through (and sometimes still do) periods of anxiety where I was uncomfortable going places because I wasn't familiar with my surroundings. It does get easier. Once you get out a bit and start doing things and such, it gets much easier. I have had a more difficult time making friends and such, but things are coming around and getting much better. I know you are sad about leaving England and especially your bf. My best advice is to try to occupy yourself as much as possible. Go out and walk around public places like bookstores, the mall, parks, etc. Perhaps take some kind of recreational class? I know it seems low now, but I bet in no time you make friends and have more to do than you can fit into your schedule!

Ron, That was wonderful advice. Very beautifully put and very helpful. We all experience pain in different ways and we all get over it in our own time. Sometimes it seems as though we can't see our way through it and having ppl that can help us find that way is a real comfort.

I think I may have to say goodbye to bf...If you read my previous posts you will have some background on my LDR. He had issues of not contacting me and not answering his phone for days and leaving me to worry. Turned out his mother is ill (they don't know the outcome of illness yet) and he had been dealing with that as she is the only family member he has there to help. Sitll no reason not to contact me. So he appologized and said that he would keep in touch with me and not just drop off the face of the earth anymore. Anyway, we talked quite a bit at the beginning of the week and things were very positive. He told me that he really hoped I knew how much he loved me and that if I could handle things being up in the air and sporadic for a while while they deal with his mother's illness and her treatments, that he wanted to continue with the relationship in light of the circumstances. I said I could handle that but I needed him to try to keep in contact with me. He said he would. Part of his personality when things liek this happen, is for him to isolate himself. he hasn't even been contacting his friends...in fact they don't even know his mother is ill. Plus his father died around this time of year last year and he is just an emotional wreck right now with a lot of responsibility thrown on his shoulders. Well anyway, it has been 10 days since I have heard from him. I have called a few times and emailed him. I don't think he has been home (probably at mothers) and I don't think he is checking his email. Which he could from work (at times) or his moms, though he says he doesnt feel comfortable getting on the computer from his mothers house. So, here we go again. I know I said I could handle things being up in the air right now but why can't he at least send a quick email? It hurts me. I feel like I am not on his mind. WHich I know he has more pressing things to deal with (like the fact that his mother could be terminal and the treatment she is undergoing), but can't I at least get a short 3 line email? I do know if he didnt want to be with me he would tell me. He has told me time and time again that he wants to continue the relationship. He also told me that if he didn't want to be with me that he would tell me, not just ignore me or not contact me. So I know that is not the case. I just don't know what to do. I don;t want to just walk away from him at this time but I need him to put in some effort. I was supposed to go see him the end of next month and when we last spoke, he said we needed to make plans for my visit soon. Part of me feels like sending him an Xmas card and telling him goodbye. Part of me feels like I should stick by him as he warned me things would be hard right now. I love him so much and we are so good together. I am so upset, crying, disappointed and I don't know what to do...

My boyfriend asked me the otherday why I analyze everything he says...and of course I take it to mean something negative. He said he has learned to just accept that it is the way I am, that I need extra reassurance. The thing is, I don't want to be that way. He will only put up with it for so long and rightly so. You are right, positive thinking works wonders. It is difficult but it can become a habit just like the negative thinking has become. I have tried to do less over-analyzing things and just let things come as they may. If something happens, I will deal with it at that time. If I constantly think bad things will happen, they certainly will. If I try to think positive, then I help set in motion positive outcomes...well that is my opinion anyway. Now, with that, if I can begin to take my own advice a little more often..LOL

I have heard that is a great book...I haven't had the chance to pick up a copy myself, but would like to read it sometime. I find myself doing the same thing - having certain expectaions of how my bf should behave or react in relation to our relationship and emotions. I think I expect that he should behave, think, act, feel and express himself in the same way that I do. When he doesn't, then I start to analyze things and worry and it just causes problems. It does help to realize that we can't expect people to be just the way we are. I think reading that book may help though. I have heard people say it did help them understand why their bf/gf behaved in certain ways...

Are you being weak?! No way! That took a lot of strength to do what you did. You had to do what was right for you. You were true to yourself and you feelings and that takes courage. It hurts, yes. Be proud of yourself though. You did what you had to do for your own emotional well being. That is a difficult thing to do, especially when you love someone. Many times we tend to put ourselves last. Good for you...

Perhaps your relationship needs to be that way. Someof us don't have that luxury. You definition of what a relationship needs or is only defines your relationship however. It doesn't define mine or anyone elses. we all need and require different things out of our relationships.

My boyfriend and I live in different countries. I am in Canada and he is in the US. We are only about an 8 hour drive from each other though. An hour plane ride... It is hard though. Any distance can be hard. With persistance, patience, love, trust and communication, it can be done. It has to be something you are both committed to equally as much though...

Hope, You know, I am happy for you that your boyfreid are able to contact each other everyday. Some of us have things going on in our lives (as do our bf or gf) and are not so lucky to be able to email, call, or IM every day. Some of us, like Tea have boyfriends overseas and they are lucky to be able to hear from them once a week if that! Does that mean the relationship is not worth it? No. You can't judge our circumstances by yours. Yes, my bf should have contacted me. He is not dealign with this well and he is shutting everyone out. He asked me to understand if he isn't online a lot right now. He kept tellign me he was so wrong for not contacting me. I accept that and will see how things continue. right now, I will support him how he needs, as long as he still puts an effort into us. I just felt that post was condescending and not very understanding to many of us here...

Thank you! You are right. I told him I am here if he needs me. He said he wished I was there to go to the hospital with him and stuff. He said he is just one that when things happen he shuts everyone out and he was going to have to work on not doing that to me. I still want him to understand that he needs to contact me. He would be the first one I would call if anything happened. He is different. he reatreats into himself. He doesnt want to talk to anyone. I just wish I was there...