Jibralta

I'm glad you said this 🙂 Frustration and anger sometimes overshadow the human side of people who struggle with mental illness. But it's important to remember their intentions, even if it is (understandably) challenging. It's important for our own sake.

I love this song, but it's really the video that I connect with. Running around with boy 'friends,' falling in love, falling out of love (unwilling to stop myself from doing so--not unable, unwilling), deliberately walking away from love and security to see what else is out there (I felt like I absolutely had to; it was required (by who? by me?)), dealing with the reality of my decisions (mistakes? maybe, maybe not), understanding and indulging in nostalgia a little but not turning back, not needing to turn back.... nostalgia is like a power source, it gives me catharsis. And I think this video captures that so well.

I ended my first serious relationship when I realized I was starting to stray emotionally. I was 17, and my relationship had only lasted 18 months at that point, but I understood that it wasn't fair to my partner. I loved him and respected him enough to let him go.

You both have a right to feel comfortable in any relationship. You don't have to compromise if you don't want to, and neither does he. You are both free to walk away and end the relationship at any time. You are both adults and fully capable of dealing with the consequences of your choices.

It's unrealistic and naïve of you to expect a child to exercise adult discretion, even if she's been homeschooled by you personally. Children are inexperienced and untried. Even more so when they've been homeschooled. You disclosed business information to her in an attempt to teach her, which is great. But it blurred the lines of her role vs your role. Also, I suspect that while talking to her about the business you also expressed your disappointment with its poor performance. I am sure your daughter was only trying to help you when she reached out to others for help. Given her degree of involvement in the business, she probably felt that this was as much her company as it was yours, and that it was her responsibility to help. You really sound like a sore loser, criticizing her when your own plans have backfired on you. I'm sure this unfairness is not lost on your children. I think it would be best for you to swallow your hurt pride, learn from these mistakes, and do better next time. Don't be a sore loser. Set a good example for your kids.

Merrilsilverste, this is a dead end. You are wasting your time.

These people saw you as an easy target. They are bullies. A lot of people will tell you to turn the other cheek, and sometimes that is the wisest move (for example, at work). But I have found that the best thing to do is stand up for yourself, no matter how ugly it gets. Even if it comes to blows, even if you get beat up. Make it hard for them. All bullies are lazy cowards at heart and they give up really fast.

If I were in your shoes, I would break up with him and declare myself free from feeling guilt or responsibility for any of his choices.

Well, I have changed jobs again. I am working for Bill now! It's funny how things work out sometimes. Meeting Bill started my journey of the last five years. I had inadvertently put my resume out on zip-recruiter, and he reached out to me: If you have followed this journal, you may recall that my career path had shifted from architecture to more of a planning and engineering track. That wasn't completely intentional, and I wanted to steer it back to architecture. So, I tried to embrace the opportunity. At that time, Bill wanted hire me part time and eventually make me full time. So, I worked for Bill a few nights per week, in the evenings after I put in my hours at my full time job. However, it only lasted a couple of weeks. Through that same zip-recruiter fluke, I ended up with a really nice job offer from a third company. I ended up leaving my full time job and also leaving leaving my moonlighting gig with Bill. But I did keep in touch with Bill, and he kept in touch with me. In 2020, when I finally reached the limits of my patience with my job, I reached out to him: I ended up getting laid off about a month later. Bill threw some work my way, which was pretty cool. But since he hadn't made me a solid offer, I ended up taking a job with another company. Bill knew that I had been looking and seemed to take it in stride: .... yesterday he reached out to arrange payment, and the end of the conversation went like this: That job lasted for a year. It was an awesome experience even though it turned out to be a huge dumpster fire. At the end of that year, I was freaking DESPERATE to find a new job. Bill actually reached out to me just as the dumpster fire really started to get going. But he didn't move fast enough. I ended up with multiple really good offers and accepted a position with another company: My experience at my last job was largely positive. But I did have frustrations. In May, I finally decided that it was time to move on again. I had this feeling that I've felt before: I knew it was time. I hopped on to LinkedIn and lo and behold: Bill was hiring! As it turns out, the fourth time is the charm. (I hope, lol)

Yes, but you'd be (again) re-stating these relatively minor benefits: Makes food Cleans his own home Gives you massages Writes poems Buys you fancy things/ gets you what you want (this seems to count a lot for you). Demonstrates chivalry (opens doors, squires you around, does romantic things) Cares for you when you are sick It is nice that he cares for you when you are sick, I'll give you that. But even so, I don't think that all of these things combined make up for minimizing your concerns or making you feel crazy when you talk to him about a problem that you are having.

How do they 'show' that they really want something?

I think it's a genuine, benign apology.

It's unconventional, but I don't think it's wrong. People can succeed in all sorts of circumstances. And let's face it--school sucks! I missed the part about peer isolation. I do think that could be a problem. However, not necessarily. I think it comes down to the individuals. You have to pay attention and be honest about whether one or both kids are being adversely affected by this isolation.

It's unconventional, but I don't think it's wrong. People can succeed in all sorts of circumstances. And let's face it--school sucks!

I agree. Where your mom is concerned, you'll just have to limit your contact. Develop a coping strategy to help you through the times when you can't avoid her. She won't change and you won't ever be able to rationally explain or justify her behavior.

Good luck!

On my way to work yesterday, I missed my exit and had to drive three miles to the next exit in order to turn around. Once back on the highway, I gunned the engine and threaded my car from the right lane into the closing gap between the car in the left lane and the one in the middle lane. Then I floored it down the left lane, passing everyone else. I had no reason for doing this; I wasn't running late. It was just a wild burst of spirit. The crazy thing is, as I was flying down the left lane, I FELT like I had pulled my little maneuver in front of a cop. I FELT it. I scanned the cars behind me and there was no cop. So, I settled into my lane and stayed the course. Not 30 seconds later, a state trooper came flying up behind me. I switched into the middle lane and he pulled up alongside me. I peeked over to the left with a guilty, contrite expression... maybe a slight grin. He was glaring at me, having slowed down his truck to keep pace with my car. Fortunately, he elected not to pull me over :D As I meekly proceeded off the highway onto more local roads, this song came up on my Spotify queue and I laughed.

Oh lord, how exhausting. Tell him to buy his own house and fix it up lol.

I don't think you're jumping the gun. If I were in your shoes, I would conclude that this relationship is over and move on with my life. It doesn't matter what spin he tries to put on it. His behavior says it all.

I think that at four months in, you shouldn't dismiss any anxiety, fear, or insecurity that you have about a relationship as "ridiculous." The fact is, you really don't know the guy (despite how it feels) and you're still dealing with a lot from your previous relationship. Try slowing down and listening to your gut feelings, even if you don't fully understand or agree with the apparent cause for them.

I've never heard of parasocial relationships, but a quick google search tells me that they are not uncommon and can actually be somewhat helpful for someone that lacks confidence in social situations. Of course, they can take a very negative turn, but I don't get the impression that you were stalking him or anything like that. It seems to me that you enjoyed having a crush while benefitting from the (seeming) safety of not being disappointed by the demise of a relationship. Alas, you were not actually safe from disappointment. Celebrity crushes have always been a thing. When I was growing up in the 80s and 90s, there were these teen magazines plastered with images of celebrities for us to worship. This insipid expectation developed before the 80s and 90s (girls screaming and fainting in front of Elvis or the Beatles), and I'm absolutely sure this expectation still exists, but the medium has changed from physical to digital. When I was a kid it was considered normal for girls to fawn over images of New Kids on the Block and Jason Priestley. Actually, I remember feeling a great deal of pressure to comply with this expectation. My mom was actually worried that I didn't go ga-ga over these images like 'normal' girls did, and my sister and friends rolled their eyes at me like I was being difficult lol. Even though I heartily resisted the Teen Crush Bandwagon, I was absolutely stunned in 1993, when I learned that River Phoenix had died. I was 16, he was 23. I grew up watching him grow up. I had a huge (secret) crush on him, like he was a friend's older brother. I never really imagined a relationship with him, but I knew that he was out there...somewhere. Well, I felt his death like a blow to the heart. He was no longer out there, anywhere. I didn't cry or complain or anything like that, but man! What a huge disappointment that was! And what a surprise to feel it so intensely! I mean, I didn't realize that I had attached any hopes to him until he died. But I obviously had. Anyway, these things happen. It sound to me like you have a healthy perspective on the whole thing, to be honest. You know that what you're doing is a little silly. No one has to tell you that. I can't explain the intense disappointment that you felt when you learned that Josh Kiszka was gay, just like I can't explain my disappointment when I learned that River Phoenix was dead. I should also tell you that I didn't learn any major life lessons from that experience, except maybe that hopes don't have to be fully formed sentences. Sometimes sht just happens.

You mentioned that he has routinely jumped to incorrect conclusions and accusations over the four years that you've been together. Knowing this about him, why would you expect him to correctly conclude that you might be busy? Wouldn't it make more sense to be prepared for him to make the same insecure mistake and nip the whole thing in the bud by saying something reassuring? You also mentioned that you share a lot in common. I think you my share more in common than you realize: You both have this hard line that you set up for each other in terms of expectations. He thinks you should think and behave a certain way, you think he should think and behave a certain way. Neither of you seems willing to take any steps to meet the other halfway. It's as if you're each standing on a steep mountaintop and there is no middle ground. Another way in which you behave similarly is by introducing a third party to take sides. He recruited his mother, you recruited this forum. All of this tug-of-war is causing you to lose sight of the most important thing, which is that you have a really good time together. Isn't that worth climbing down off of the mountaintop?

Maybe he starts it, but you both dish it back and forth pretty readily. If you don't like this dynamic, you have to stop participating in it. If he says something snarky, like, "Perhaps you’d have more fun if you plan the activities," don't play coy with, "I'll see what I can do." Be specific and direct with what you want: "Ok. I'll look into that tomorrow (or Thursday, or whenever)" Or: "Kayaking actually does sound like fun. I'll try it." Or: "You make the plans. I'll have fun with whatever you pick." Yes, it was passive aggressive of him to say "I gave up on our plan making session I thought we were gonna have this evening and started watching a movie. Go to bed if you’re tired." But your response ("Sorry, didn’t know we had to plan everything out this evening when I had been gone all weekend.") was equally so. You could have neutralized the whole conflict (instead of feeding into it) by saying, "I'm sorry. I'm just a lot more tired than I expected. Can we pick this up tomorrow?" The fact is, you're both looking for a fight.

I don't think you made a mistake. I think the experiences that you've gained are and will be beneficial to you. You should feel proud and try to rid yourself of the guilt. I don't think it's a loss at all.

Seems to me that pretending to like AI would be a lot easier than pretending to like your reverse-mail-order bride.... How much do the AI/ Computer Science gigs pay as compared to supply chain?