Jibralta

I also thought that was a possibility. She may have had a couple irons in the fire--she sort of alluded to it, actually. One of them made his intentions clear and scooped her up. Now she is shutting down the others, as she should do if she is serious about a relationship and respectful of her partner.

I was thinking the same thing. I don't know why she is now shutting this down, but is it worth getting upset over when you never actually told her how you were feeling?

🤞

Business partner? Romantic partner? Perhaps the guy from last year? One thing that always sort of strikes me about you is that you tend to minimize and avoid possible ugly truths by posting something that is obliquely related to the real issue. There's nothing 'impossible' about your computer disappearing. One of three things probably happened: Your partner and/or his friends stole your computer Your partner and/or his friends lost your computer The computer is actually not lost, but hidden among your other belongings, and will reveal itself once you're fully unpacked and organized. Two out of three of these possible scenarios involve betrayal, which is pretty ugly. It's good to keep a positive outlook, but are you really just avoiding an ugly truth? Have you seriously (and responsibly!) considered that your 'partner and friends' may be not-so-great people?

I agree. Pay your share financially, but give him freedom emotionally.

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You did the right thing.

I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds very hurtful. It sounds like she is rebounding. However, I suggest that you don't dwell too long on the "whys" of what happened. She herself may not know why or understand why she behaved the way that she did. Learn what you can from this experience, dust yourself off, and try again.

I think you're doing it again: It is a problem. For you. And your brushing it under the rug with excuses.

What specifically makes you think this could ruin or endanger your future relationships?

Don't believe that old 'ADHD' excuse. I have ADHD and I'm a great relationship partner. And yet he doesn't forget to play video games or work on his 'business.' And he didn't forget to pay attention to you when he was getting you on the hook. This is an issue of personality and values. His personality is one that prioritizes himself exclusively in his relationships with other people. You are not the only one to take second fiddle to him in his life. He also lets himself off the hook for forgetting "his best friend's birthday and such." It is clearly something that he has no desire to change. Yes, he's probably upset that you called him poor in bed. I assume you were teasing him, and he could have taken it as a joke. But frankly, it's not surprising to me that he isn't able to let it roll off his back. This is, after all, someone who sees himself as Numero Uno in his own life. Vanity goes with the territory. I'm afraid no amount of apologizing (or pretending to be cool with everything) is going to coax Numero Uno down from his pedestal. Trust me when I say that you are better off leaving him there. Trust me when I say that there are plenty of other awesome guys out there who are unique and interesting in their own right. Choose someone who prioritizes you as much as you prioritize him. Don't limit yourself to this very limited person.

Tone deaf--that's the word! At the time I went to that dude ranch I had mainly rode Western, but was making my first forays into English. It wasn't long after the dude ranch that I switched completely over to English. That choice had nothing to do with my dude ranch experience--that was largely awesome. I just prefer English.

I found this image of a B-17G that had been shot down off the coast of Vis Island, Croatia during World War II. The pilot perished but the crew survived, and it reminded me of the article I found about my biological grandfather--my mother, Ellen's, father. He was in a plane crash in the Gulf of Mexico, in 1942. The pilot, a survivor of the Battle of Java, was killed. My grandfather was wounded, but managed to swim almost all the way back to shore. When I flew out to Texas for Ellen's memorial service last October, I learned more about Howard. He was a tall, powerful man. He was an aircraft mechanic stationed on aircraft carriers. He could identify a plane flying overhead by the sound of its engine. When his friend was trapped in a munitions fire on the ship, it took six men to hold Howard down and keep him from running in after his friend. The memory of his friend dying in that fire haunted Howard for the rest of his life. This article talks about "deep cuts" on Howard's back. My uncle told me what those were. When Howard's plane crashed in the Gulf, he got impaled through the flesh of his back on the parachute racks. Howard had to pull himself up off the racks as the plane was sinking. Then he swam through salt water with those wounds. My uncle said that the scars on Howard's back were terrible, and he winced at the memory as he told me. His sisters winced, too. This is a photo of Howard holding my uncle. I think it was taken in the 50s, possibly in Guam. It makes me smile. My new-found cousins shared this one and many others with me.

Aw. It's good that she understood. I had a similar situation many years ago, at a dude ranch, where nobody understood lol. We were 'learning' how to throw a lasso. I put "learning" in quotes because how well can you really learn a skill like that in an hour? Probably not very well at all, but I at least wanted to get the hang of it. WELL. Every time it was my turn to throw the lasso, this other guest started hooting and hollering and cheering me on. He really was trying to be supportive and positive, but it was messing with my concentration and pissing me off. Maybe this is a function of my ADHD, but when I focus on something, I really, really FOCUS. When I'm in that zone, and someone inserts themselves into my path, I'm like a linebacker. I'll just mow them down. It's like someone standing between me and a meal. I don't have the ability to be polite, even if I know it's right, even if I want to. The tactful part of me is pinned down and helpless. I guess around the third time it was my turn to throw the lasso, my patience with my cheerleader came to an abrupt end and I yelled at him to stop. I have no idea what I said. I didn't curse or anything, but I definitely yelled, and it was like I threw a bucket of cold water over him. Over everyone. Then I took my lasso and my roping target and stomped off to the other side of the stable where I practiced (poorly) by myself, without any guidance. This was even more frustrating, because I knew I had made a stupid choice and ruined my own chances at learning. The cheerleader-man and, in fact, most of the cowboys running the outfit were annoyed with me and distained me as some kind of ill-bred northern barbarian girl. But I could ride a horse as well as or better than them, so I could hold my own lol.

Scrolling through here looking for another post, I found this one. I still hate pep talks in spin classes, but it is still good to pause and reflect on all of the good things in life.

Exactly. Why try to be friends with them again? They suck. Keep the peace (if you can). That's the best you can do for yourself, I think.

I don't think that's twisted. I would totally feel relieved, too.

I think it's very hard not to take stuff like that personally. Even his husband felt the barb!

Whatever man. Pete Steele wouldn't be impressed at all. Neither am I.

I'm not talking about your boyfriend. I'm talking about your obnoxious response to Batya.

You must not have been around or cognizant in the early 80s, when people weren't sure how it was transmitted. Children who contracted AIDS were banned from attending school for fear that they would infect their classmates.

Uh oh.

This is where it matters most, though. Anyone can be nice when things are going their way. But tough times show true colors.

How long?

I have so much admiration for Jimmy Carter 🙂

He is well aware that he is a priority to you. It's why he is so comfortable throwing his moods around and guilt tripping you when you fall out of line. Not everybody is like this. It's a character thing and a values thing. Some people, when they see you've made them a priority, make you a priority in turn. Other people use it as an opportunity to capitalize and manipulate.