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Jibralta

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Everything posted by Jibralta

  1. Wow, what an interesting experience! If I were in your shoes, I would be wondering the same: Why did he chat me up so much? Why didn't he kill me? God, it could be anything. Some serial killers are meticulous planners, some are messy opportunists, and some are a mixture of both. Maybe you didn't trigger him just quite right. Maybe you didn't have the exact flavor of vulnerability that he could successfully exploit. Maybe he wasn't sure if he could overpower you.... Maybe he liked you and didn't feel like killing you (personality goes a long way lol). You've said this before and it's striking. I think it is something that's worth exploring in greater depth. This also strikes me: I wonder why that is 'hard to accept?' Is it also hard to accept that you were targeted for being female? That you were targeted for simply being alive? I'm not sure if this is helpful, but after reading what you wrote I see two main ways that this experience has affected you: First, having a friendship (or acquaintanceship) with a person who turns out to be a serial killer is a shocking thing. Ultimately, it's sort of a meaningless novelty. A great story. But it can shake you up. Second, (and I think this is the more significant of the two) this experience has touched on some deep-seated self-image issues that come up again and again for you.
  2. I think you should move on. If you don't limit your attention to guys who are willing meet in person, within a day or two of establishing contact through the app, you're going to end up with online pen pals. That was my takeaway from the online dating experience.
  3. I started watching The Other Boleyn Girl. It's pretty disappointing. They've twisted timelines and facts in order to re-package and re-sell the typical, tired story of two sisters clawing each other's eyes out over a man, complete with all the usual good-girl bad-girl trappings. I guess I hoped it would be an interesting and insightful contemplation of each of these two sisters--depicted as normal human beings--and the parts they actually played in history. But no. It's the same old sordid played-out drama. Anyway, it's hard to watch.
  4. I'm more of a slow fade person, myself. I don't use social media, so it's all phone for me. My phone is set to show "delivered" at most. It won't (or shouldn't!) confirm when I've read a message. HOWEVER, to answer your question, I would probably do a combination of read and unread with sporadic responses. That's the slow fade technique. I'm generally not a hardline person. I've almost never done the 'no-contact' thing,either. I bounce people away as necessary.
  5. Woo-hoo! Sounds like you are on a great track 😀
  6. Hopefully a good thing happened 🙂
  7. Thanks! That was actually a little over a month ago (I probably should have noted that in there)! I did take a couple days off before starting my current job. So far, I like it here.
  8. On my last day at my last job, I was working hard to hand off two projects that I was still in the middle of. Both were for church kitchen renovations--two different churches. I sent an email to both client teams explaining that I was leaving and giving them contact info for Megan, the person who was taking over the projects. Megan was already being dovetailed into the projects and was copied into all of the correspondence. I finished buttoning up the projects right as my day drew to a close, and for the last 45 minutes or so had nothing to do. I'd packed up my desk weeks before, when I'd made the decision to leave. So I literally just sat there, waiting for my day to time out. My coworkers urged me to leave, but it didn't feel right to sneak out. About five minutes before the end of my day, I was chatting away with my coworkers, debating the pros and cons of ducking out early, when one of the church clients responded to my good-bye email with, "Godspeed, Jibralta." I saw the message come in as I was midsentence. Before I could fully react, Megan, who was the only other person there who was copied in on the email, spun around in her chair and interrupted the conversation with "GODSPEED, JIBRALTA!" causing both me and her to crack up and everyone else to be confused. Right as Megan and I started to explain what had happened, my phone rang. My coworker Oliver said, "It's God!" I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Nadine, the owner, and gave a Homer-Simpson-scream. "It's Nadine!" I said. "That's worse!" said Pei. There was an explosion of laughter as I picked up the receiver. I imagine Nadine would have heard it in her office even if I hadn't picked up the phone. Nadine asked me to come down to her and Sally's office. They handed me a card and talked to me about where I was going next. They said that I was always welcome there, which was nice (though I don't plan on going back lol). Then I said my goodbyes to my coworkers and I was off!
  9. I think that at least part of the reason why it's been difficult for you to find the right person is that you are not assigning enough weight to the bad things. Imagine a scale, where good is measured against bad. Basic things like nice, very good looking, and intelligent weigh an ounce each. Bad things, like getting into a sexual situation with a drunk teenager that is your daughter's friend should weigh 10 pounds and clearly tip the scale to Bad Bad Bad. But you are putting your finger on the scale so that you don't have to see the scale tip towards bad. I get the impression that you don't have a lot of respect for men. No offense, but don't you know better? Why wouldn't he? This is a 59 year old man, not a tween. I think that another reason why you are having so much trouble finding a good man might be that you think there are no good men out there. Maybe you think none of them have a moral compass where sex is concerned. So, when a man says something outrageous like this, you discount it. "It's legal" is a mechanism put in place to help identify and prosecute pedophiles. It is there specifically for that reason and no other. A grown man who justifies sleeping with teenagers as "it's legal," is circling the drain. You have to wonder what he would do if that mechanism wasn't there.
  10. I agree. He's just checking to see what you'll put up with.
  11. I understand your concern, but this is a bad time to bring these issues up to her. If these are indeed problems, they aren't going anywhere. There will be time to discuss them after the issue with her mom has calmed down.
  12. Just tell him that all women date in penis-size order, from smallest to largest.
  13. This is exactly what I mean. The interesting thing about you, and it's probably a personality trait, is that your black and white thinking has robbed you of a certain amount of insight. Your definition of "loser" didn't seem to recognize this event as a win/lose situation, but it was. I think this is to protect your ego: You were after a woman who didn't want you. Not telling her that doesn't change what actually happened. Altering the narrative based on a black and white definition of a word or situation that isn't black and white, that has many nuances, also doesn't change what actually happened. It just kinda sorta gives you an 'out' in the imaginary court of public image. Most of the people in and around that court can see that the emperor has no clothes. The really, really interesting thing is that you're afraid of your own private definition of the word "loser." You think it's the world that defines it this way, but it's really just you. It reminds me a little of the mindset of anorexia/bulimia. Personally, I don't see what is so bad about being rejected. BUT I am a risk-taker. I am tough and resilient and able to roll with the punches. When I fail, I either try again or try something else. I don't like giving up and rarely do so. My reward is winning. Nobody is standing around pointing fingers at me because I had to try more than once to win the game. Nobody can knock me off the hill that I stand on because I got here myself with my own skill and grit. For perspective, I have always avoided and/or rejected men who were afraid to tell me that they liked me. It is actually one of the most fundamental dealbreakers for me. I want someone who is low-maintenance, self-sufficient, and tough. The same goes for personal friendships. If you can't come out and tell me what you want, then you didn't tell me what you want. I will spend zero time guessing.
  14. It's a valid concern. Alex strikes me as someone who would fall right into that trap.
  15. Oh no, have comparisons between Alex and the ex been made? I haven't really kept on top of this thread. It does seem like he is stumbling over some very basic "good-relationship" building blocks.
  16. Assume you are being rejected as a relationship partner (not necessarily as a friend).
  17. That's not how I interpreted what Batya was saying. I think you were completely genuine, not trying to fck around. This is actually what I thought she meant (and it is what I was referring to): Based on your responses to her change in attitude, I get the impression that you do feel a bit like a 'loser,' like you put yourself out there and didn't get what you wanted in return. Those are the hurt feelings that I am referring to.
  18. I'm sorry you're going through this. I think you're doing a good job. 👍
  19. At least that's what he thought. As it turned out, he still got his feelings hurt and his ego bruised. Interestingly, not admitting his feelings to her didn't protect him at all from disappointment.
  20. Sorry, I had to laugh a little. I don't mean to make light of any of it. I totally get your position and I sympathize with you. But your situation reminds me of that scene from My Cousin Vinny. Like, how much more sht can be piled on top of this already shtty situation? For the record, I don't think you would be lying by omission by not telling your boyfriend about what your mom said. I think you would be keeping the peace, which is a very important and decent thing to do. In fact, if you told your boyfriend about what she said, it would probably prolong the conflict.
  21. I do trust mine, but the sequence isn't: He is my partner, therefore I trust him. The sequence is: He continues to be my partner for this many years because he has earned it repeatedly. He has proven himself to be kind and thoughtful over and over again without exception. Not just towards me, but towards friends, family, and even towards perfect strangers as well. He has never, ever in eleven years been irresponsible with something he knows to be important to me. If it's important to me, it gets his personal care and attention and that never results in it getting broken or lost. We just moved house two months ago and the care and diligence that he has demonstrated during this entire move has been nothing short of outstanding. When he steps up to the plate, he fully commits to the effort no matter who he is helping. His dad is the same way. Of course not. But that doesn't mean you should just brush this incident under the rug. People you trusted may have shown a troubling lack of stewardship when they were supposed to be helping you. You can argue that they didn't have to help, and that's true. But if they stole your PC (or damaged or lost it and haven't fessed up to it), then they haven't truly performed an altruistic service. More importantly, they don't respect you. Don't just brush this incident under the rug as ha ha remember when that silly thing happened. Down the line, if you remain with this man and his friends, you may find yourself surrounded by jackals and you will need to be prepared.
  22. I also thought that was a possibility. She may have had a couple irons in the fire--she sort of alluded to it, actually. One of them made his intentions clear and scooped her up. Now she is shutting down the others, as she should do if she is serious about a relationship and respectful of her partner.
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