I started being homeschooled at 12. Since then, my very controlling parents effectively stamped out any dating and sex life of mine. I moved out at 25; now I'm 26. Over the past year, I've stabilized my life and worked through SO many messed-up beliefs/insecurities from my infantalized upbringing. There's still one left, though.
I have this running fantasy/insecure desire that people underestimate me, think I'm just the sweet, shy one, until BAM! I show them I'm actually very sexual, very mature, and then, all the men want me.
It's that specific transition: assumed innocence and shocked with sexual prowess. I think a lot of it has to do with me being short and baby-faced, but otherwise, I don't know why I want it to play out like this.
I'm a singer, so usually the fantasy plays out with me giving some Beyonce-esque performance that no one expects from me. Or if it's not some concrete, one-time experience that occurs, I want it to be a general realization that eventually happens to people.
Might not be a surprise I'm still a virgin––and after getting my career in order and making friends again after a long time––so, sex and dating is probably next up for me.
It's a silly fantasy assauging some undefinable insecurity of mine, but I know it's unhealthy, though, and I don't want to carry it into my real life experiences. How do I get over this?
TL;DR Inexperienced 26F who has running fantasy of impressing people with her sexuality. I think it could ruin my future relationships. How do I get over it?
