ATM

Agreed.. and at such a critical time in life.

Thanks, now I know what to do. I refuse to ghost. That's a coward's exit. I'm trying to do better about cutting things off when I see red flags, before getting too involved first

Thanks for all the help on my most recent breakup. It's been 6-7 months since she left, so I'm finally feeling recovered enough to move on. I met this girl, but I want opinions if I'm justified or just being an insecure jerk. She's a sweet person, successful in her job, has savings.. a good girl. However, she's my age roughly (24) and dated this same guy from when she was like sixteen until back in July. So they were together a solid 7-8 years and she still talks about him nearly daily. She says she broke up with him because he wasn't ready for marriage, etc., but she claims incessantly that "she's over him." Also, she still goes and eats dinner with this gentleman's mother and sort of keeps tabs on whether he's dating or not. On top of this, she's told me repeatedly that she's snapchatting, texting and possibly even meeting with other guys. She even once commented on how attractive one of her co-workers was to me. Let me also clear the air, she has no obligation to me and we've never said we're being exclusive yet, so I just want opinions, because I'm thinking of just ending things and telling her that she isn't ready to move towards the same commitment that I am. She keeps making me feel bad for not kissing her, or making other advances, but I am purposely reserved, because I have been hurt bad once this year and I want to learn from my last relationship and not rush into something, when I get this gut instinct that this girl is hunting a rebound, rather than recovery. She dated this guy for YEARS, I just have doubts that she can be ready for anything serious in 2023/2024. I just think she needs to "play the field," figure out who she is.. However, I'm looking for something more serious. I also get the feeling that if her ex merely texted and asked to fix the relationship, she'd be gone with the wind.. However, am I just being cynical? I'm just trying to be cautious and not get hurt again, if I can possibly avoid it by being wise

I haven't posted in some time, but if you read my last posts, I went through a difficult breakup back in the spring and figured I'd just post one last update. After three months of absolute silence, she texted me in July wanting to know "had I heard from the people who would be working on her place?" My name was on her lease. This conversation turned into "So where have you been?" (which felt like a bold question of her to ask), showing me pictures of her pets, asking about my life, etc. About three weeks after this I get a random text out of nowhere stating simply "I hope you're doing good!!" which again, spawned a quick chat.. Then another few weeks later, I get a text asking if I could foster one of her pets because he is damaging things at the house. I am a big time animal lover, but politely declined. Based on the amount of time between her circle backs or whatever this is called, I am soon due for another text. I will be transparent here and say a part of me is oddly glad to hear from her.. I genuinely loved her. But I feel pretty sad every time she texts me. It's like my mind drifts back to old times and how foolish I was.. I guess this is part of the slow recovery? What's worst, is that she bounced right into a relationship within days/ weeks of dumping me and is still with the person. Guess this is why she was silent for those first three months. I wonder if her current person even knows she is reaching out to me, having these quick chats.. When I date someone, I will not ask an ex anything, I won't text or call them, even if the world was on fire.. Any business I had with them was cleared up before I invite another person into my life and if I'm honest, I would not be okay with my current girlfriend asking a recent ex, where/how they've been or to foster their pet until they can move.. It makes me think she's just keeping her finger on the pulse, gauging the temperature of the situation, in case her current relationship doesn't provide her with all the favors and finances I once did. However, I have come to grips with the reality that if she did this once, she will be quicker a second time to use me for financial gains and dump me again, even quicker. My sister summed it up best maybe when she heard of her asking to foster her pets: "Don't be surprised if she asks you for a second chance in the coming weeks or months, but be CERTAIN of the fact that the request won't be out of love, but out of her assurance that you will just step back in line and keep her propped up with favors, once again. She's a user" Anyway, thanks for all the help.

I know I posted threads about this, trying to get a grasp on the breakup itself. I appreciate all the honest advice and by the end of last week, I was coming to terms with my situation.. well, on Friday, out of the clear blue, she texted me. Nothing significant however. Since my name is on her lease, she texted and said “Hey, I’m putting in for someone to work on the house, please let me know if they contact you instead of me!” I felt like this was strictly business related.. but also, now I’m second guessing because she’s listed as primary renter and me secondary.. seems like they’d go to her instead of me.. even if they contacted me and I didn’t reply.. they’d just work down the list to her number. Not sure her intentions by texting me over that. Anyway, then I did reply and said “I’m not around much or near my phone a ton, but I’ll let you know if I hear anything.” To which she replied: “Okay thanks! So where have you been then?” To make a long story short, the conversation basically died down. Then Sunday, she texted about the same thing “hey, let me know if you hear from the contractors, etc” this time the conversation turned into her showing me a pic of her new dog, her other dog, asking if I was still training to be airline pilot, etc.. then that conversation ended. It appears from what I see on social media, she’s dating someone else. We’ve been apart for like 2 months, so I wonder if the rebound relationship isn’t working and this is her regret? Or does this sound like her just being friendly? Either way, I reply, I keep it casual, I don’t ask questions or beg.

Thank you. This gave me encouragement today and made me feel better. This weekend was rough. I was inside my head constantly. I’ve been feeling like I’ll never get over this.. but I guess, this too shall pass. I appreciate you.

I know I posted a thread about my relationship, but other circumstances of it. If I’m honest, I’m not sure why, but my emotions are coming in waves and today I feel like I’m drowning in guilt. I want to text her and apologize SO badly. I miss her so much and I feel like I broke us up. So, we broke up on April 7, 2023.. so basically three months ago. I’ve been no contact, even though she said I should keep in touch and still text when we broke up. About three weeks before we broke up, she texted and asked could we skip hanging out on a particular weekend because she wanted to go to the strip club with a bunch of girl friends. I agreed. I didn’t tell her “no.” But, I acted sort of awkward and uncomfortable. I asked things like “who all is going?” “Their husbands don’t care?” “Is it a male or female strip club” she picked up on my vibe and asked why I was acting odd. I then said “I respect your space, but for me it just feels weird, my gf of a year, going to a strip club. But I accept it and I want you to go and have fun. You’re your own person.” These are literally more or less my exact responses to her. Anyway, she turned really annoyed or stand-offish. I was driving to her place when the above conversation happened, and she abruptly stopped me and said not to come, to just come the next day. She stated she was now in a mood and would end up saying something mean to me. I obliged and didn’t come, as she requested. However, I’ll admit, I got upset and sent her many texts, reassuring her of my love, reassuring her that I didn’t care if she went, reassuring her I’d do anything at all to keep her happy and in my life. I know this was clingy and I feel badly for it. Over the next few weeks, her vibe had suddenly shifted. She just seemed different. Finally, she ended things. I know strip clubs are just shows. It’s not cheating. I just was caught off guard in this situation. I wasn’t mad, I just had questions. I feel so bad now. I feel like I ruined my relationship and now I have waves of guilt. Here’s other facts I own up to- we were together over a year and rarely.. I mean barely ever fought. We clicked well. But back in December, I saw where her ex sent her a Snapchat. Very similar to my strip club reaction, I didn’t get mad, but acted uncomfortable and asked her how long had he been sending her snaps? Did she truly ignore all of them? Etc. There were a few other guys who I’d see send her snaps and some times, I’d simply ask “who is he” then once she responded, I’d drop it and never mention that guy again. But again, I feel bad. I shouldn’t have said anything. I let her friends tag along on 50-60% of our dates. I didn’t really enjoy it, but I felt like it kept my girlfriend happy. I’d just go with the flow and eat where they picked usually. I’d walk around the mall with them, watch them get their nails done, etc. all to keep her happy. I spent a ridiculous amount of my money on her. I paid for her gas often, food regularly, 100% of our dates, 100% of her nails, I paid for both beach trips. I spoiled her. I took her gifts weekly (gift cards, snacks, etc), I spent over $1,000 on her birthday.. I got her every shoe, shirt or sweatshirt she mentioned. I even put her on my credit card and signed a lease at a house of her choosing. When she got so mad about the strip club, I was in tears and out of pure emotions texted and said “I hope there isn’t someone else, I don’t want to get that hurt again” this made her even more angry and I felt and still do, feel terrible for saying it. I just was so emotional and wasn’t thinking. I apologized for all of this.. but I guess it wasn’t good enough. Also, the only reason I said this was because, my last relationship before this one, my ex had cheated and told me point-black during an argument that she had slept around behind my back. I still had scars from that and got scared when I saw my current gf and I were getting into an argument. In conclusion, I’m currently in my office typing this. I miss her so much. I’m still applying no contact. I just wish I could take back all my mistakes and sins. I just hope someday I’ll get the “Can you talk?” Text from her. Some people try to say she didn’t treat me right, but in my heart, I’m willing to overlook, forgive and forget everything if she’d just give me a second shot. I feel awful.. even three months later.

I just would like to hear opinions on this. There was this girl I dated briefly in college. It was sort of a whirlwind romance. It took off quickly, we kissed, spent tons of time together, I heard the normal spill on how I was different from all other guys, etc.. well, it didn’t take long and the relationship sort of had a slow death. Her texts became less, the physical touch diminished, her interest had clearly shifted. She then broke up with me, which I was expecting. It was such a short relationship, I never thought I’d hear back from her. I definitely didn’t think I’d hear a peep from her again, when I saw she was dating another guy according to social media, only a week after we split. She clearly left me, for him. Which is completely fine and I don’t harbor resentment over such a brief college relationship. It happens. Fast forward and I see her again in public. It was a chance encounter that I didn’t see coming, so I just smiled and said “hey, how are you” and kept walking. She looked uncomfortable sort and also kept walking. Anyway, that night I see I have a DM on Instagram from her saying: “sorry I didn’t really speak today.” I replied and just said that it was okay and I hoped life had treated her well. Here’s the reply that makes me wonder what her intentions truly are “Thanks love. Same to you. I truly am sorry for everything that happened and I hope you don’t hold it against me.” Maybe it was rude, but just haven’t replied. If it’s a genuine benign apology, then I’ll accept. I just didn’t want to lead her on and make her think we can rekindle.. but could it be her attempting to restart things? I wonder if the guy she ran to, didn’t work out so well.

I was really serious with this girl. We had a strong relationship and got along so well. It was her longest relationship ever and I was the guy she gave her virginity to. She and I had a disagreement over her going to a strip club and then she never really acted the same towards me again.. I promise I didn't act like a jerk. I just simply told her the strip club thing made me feel uncomfortable and that we should have a mature conversation before she went with her girl friends.. Anyway, at the beginning of April, she broke up with me. Our relationship was well over a year and she said "We are just different people and that spark just isn't there." She also stated that she was confused over her sexuality and wanted to try dating other girls. I handled this like an adult (or how I thought an adult would react). I didn't get angry and told her while I was crying, that she should live a life for herself and only for herself, and go date girls, if she thought that's where her attraction is. I have this odd gut feeling however, that she will come back in some form. Do most long term exs who are this serious, circle back at some point? I am not sure why, but I just have this vague sense that at some point, I will get a text from her. I just can't believe she could easily drop a guy who was so many "firsts," in her life, not at 25 years old. She assured me when we parted ways that she wanted to keep in touch and always feel free to send her funny videos or texts. She said she would still text me some (she hasn't since April), and she even still hit the like button on my instagram story about a month ago. I hope I am not giving myself false hope, because yes, I do still love her and would love to get her back.. But I have went full no contact. None at all.

I will summarize as best I can.. So, here goes.. I was with a girl I met while I was in graduate school. She had never been in a long relationship (her longest was 5-6 months) when she was 18. Anyway, she and I dated over a year, signed a lease together on a home, I was actively looking for a job near her, and she even spoke about how our relationship would grow once we lived together. That year we were together, I literally did things for her that I never thought I would do for another human. I paid for her nails every time for a year, I never let her pay for manicures or pedicures, not even once. I drove to her every weekend, paid for all our meals, took her on a beach trip and paid 100% for everything, I cleaned her house regularly, cut trees down for her mom, I even put her as an authorized user on my credit card and told her to go out to eat with it every week, once or twice per week.. I'm not bragging, I am simply still so sad that I loved someone so purely and wanted to pamper her, yet she flipped a switch and left. On to the breakup.. Back April, we seemed just fine, then suddenly I left work and saw a text stating that she didn't believe she was in love, there was no spark, etc.. It is probably worth mentioning, she was always the dumper before me. She told me none of her relationships lasted long because her partners would annoy her and then she would lose feelings and leave them.. I felt different though, since I was the first guy she had been with long-term, done so much for her and was the first guy she had slept with.. I felt and still do feel blindsided. There was literally no foreshadowing and believe me, I audited old texts and memories to try and find where it went wrong.. Our last contact was April 11 and now it's June 28 and I am strongly using no contact method, but I still deeply care if I am honest. With this being her first serious relationship and considering that I did not beg or act like a jerk when she wanted out, is there any chance she will ever circle back? Some sidenotes- She is still sharing location with me (I never look, but the notification has never popped up saying she stopped), I was her first sexual partner, she hasn't returned my clothes and she liked one of my instagram stories, but did not say anything.. I would love nothing more than if we could rekindle, but I wonder if there's any chance of her ever contacting me again in the future.. When we ended she told me she was planning to keep in touch and that "maybe in the future we will connect up again." I felt like that was false hope, but she also has not removed me from any social media platforms yet.