New relationship advice needed

[ATM]

Thanks for all the help on my most recent breakup. It's been 6-7 months since she left, so I'm finally feeling recovered enough to move on. I met this girl, but I want opinions if I'm justified or just being an insecure jerk. She's a sweet person, successful in her job, has savings.. a good girl. However, she's my age roughly (24) and dated this same guy from when she was like sixteen until back in July. So they were together a solid 7-8 years and she still talks about him nearly daily. She says she broke up with him because he wasn't ready for marriage, etc., but she claims incessantly that "she's over him." Also, she still goes and eats dinner with this gentleman's mother and sort of keeps tabs on whether he's dating or not. On top of this, she's told me repeatedly that she's snapchatting, texting and possibly even meeting with other guys. She even once commented on how attractive one of her co-workers was to me. Let me also clear the air, she has no obligation to me and we've never said we're being exclusive yet, so I just want opinions, because I'm thinking of just ending things and telling her that she isn't ready to move towards the same commitment that I am. She keeps making me feel bad for not kissing her, or making other advances, but I am purposely reserved, because I have been hurt bad once this year and I want to learn from my last relationship and not rush into something, when I get this gut instinct that this girl is hunting a rebound, rather than recovery. She dated this guy for YEARS, I just have doubts that she can be ready for anything serious in 2023/2024. I just think she needs to "play the field," figure out who she is.. However, I'm looking for something more serious. I also get the feeling that if her ex merely texted and asked to fix the relationship, she'd be gone with the wind.. However, am I just being cynical? I'm just trying to be cautious and not get hurt again, if I can possibly avoid it by being wise

[Kwothe28]

11 minutes ago, ATM said:

She says she broke up with him because he wasn't ready for marriage, etc., but she claims incessantly that "she's over him." Also, she still goes and eats dinner with this gentleman's mother and sort of keeps tabs on whether he's dating or not.

 

12 minutes ago, ATM said:

On top of this, she's told me repeatedly that she's snapchatting, texting and possibly even meeting with other guys. She even once commented on how attractive one of her co-workers was to me.

Yeah, no, just no. Both are pretty huge red flags if you want anything serious there.

[smackie9]

She hasn't had any time to write her own history as an individual. Dating her is a waste of time. She needs to live her life to discover who she is. 

[ATM]

18 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

 

Yeah, no, just no. Both are pretty huge red flags if you want anything serious there.

Thanks, now I know what to do. I refuse to ghost. That's a coward's exit. I'm trying to do better about cutting things off when I see red flags, before getting too involved first

[ATM]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

She hasn't had any time to write her own history as an individual. Dating her is a waste of time. She needs to live her life to discover who she is. 

Agreed.. and at such a critical time in life. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ATM said:

 I get this gut instinct that this girl is hunting a rebound, rather than recovery. 

Trust your instincts. She seems a bit overinvolved with him and his family and apparently still in touch with him. 

Yes, step back and observe the red flags you're observing. 

[Batya33]

How rude and tacky of her to share details about other men with you.  Agree with others.  Keep it short and sweet and no lectures- "I don't think we have enough in common to keep dating and I wish you well."

[LINDA]

Too many red flags .. save your time and leave her asap

[Feibbed]

I've found myself in similar situations before, I am sorry you are going through this, especially if you like her. But for your own good, protect your heart, be honest with her and move on. If the connection was real she will come back to you healed.

After breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years, I am not ashamed it to say it took me a couple of years before I actually wanted to date someone seriously, and even then, I wanted to explore. However everyone is different. My advice to you is to stop seeing each other, I am sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.

[shouldhavelearned]

She's not ready

Move on

She's looking for a friend to spend time with and spend money on her.