Feibbed

I've found myself in similar situations before, I am sorry you are going through this, especially if you like her. But for your own good, protect your heart, be honest with her and move on. If the connection was real she will come back to you healed. After breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years, I am not ashamed it to say it took me a couple of years before I actually wanted to date someone seriously, and even then, I wanted to explore. However everyone is different. My advice to you is to stop seeing each other, I am sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.

Sorry to hear that, I'm sure you'll be back to normal in no time. When I had covid for the first time, I also lost my sense of smell and taste, but I think it gradually came back in about 2 weeks. I did try all the remedies online etc but nothing really helped. It will depend on people, my sister for example, it took here a bit over a month and even today she claims some things just don't taste the same anymore. Hang on tight it will be fine 🙂

When he opened properly to me and let himself be vulnerable he did say that he was a bit spiralling with alcohol and drugs because he felt that was the only thing that would tame his thoughts at the moment. He is in therapy and he mentioned that he had been through a mental health crisis similar to this one before, and that at the time he managed to "crawl out of his hole" by himself but he felt like he needed more help this time, like medication. I obviously supported him. When I tell him I'm worried he tells me I don't have to worry about him, if I tell him how I feel and how his actions are affecting me he always apologises and tells me that he doesn't want to hurt me. I know he's not well, I don't want to blame him or hurt him more, but I feel like he is not respecting my boundaries either. I just want transparency.. even if it means him telling me he doesn't know.

I met this guy back in Portugal when I went on an holiday. For context I am Portuguese and grew up in Portugal but I have been living in the UK for almost 10 years now. I met him one night through mutual friends. We spent the whole night together, talking and laughing, it had been a long time since I had met someone I felt I had such a good connection with. He was meant to leave early but he stayed with me until the end, which I thought was cute. We didn't even kiss that night, but we kept talking everyday after that. I went back to the UK and he went on a holiday to a Portuguese island and invited me to go and meet him there. In the meantime we are talking everyday, he is FaceTiming me all the time, so I get used to this constant loving communication with him. It was super sweet. I was a bit scared at first, but to be honest with you, I really felt like I needed to go and see how things could be between us, so I went, I was super nervous but it was actually amazing. I had such a great time with him, it was just perfect, we really connected and really cared for each other. When I came back to the UK after our trip together, we kept on talking to each other as usual, he had already mentioned he had plans to come and see me where I live so I was really excited. I come back, and everything is fine at first. But then all of a sudden, he slowly starts pulling away but never terminating things if that makes sense. He was basically bread crumbing me, that's how it feels, keeping me near enough but not far enough kind of thing. He still talks to me etc but it wasn't the same. I gradually got worse and when I finally managed to speak to him on FaceTime, he explained that he was feeling very depressed and he was working a lot, he almost cried saying he didn't know how to feel better, that he was in therapy and it really wasn't helping and almost started crying talking about how he had these suicidal thoughts a few days back, saying that it was scary because he knew that wasn't him. I obviously showed compassion and supported him, told him it was good he was trying to heal in therapy etc. He told me he missed me a lot and he thought about me all the time and that he felt he was ruining something good. I told him to stop worrying about that. Time passes and the communication is still not the same, I took a step back to give him the space because I felt like he needed it. I check in on him sometimes to make sure he's fine. Sometimes he replies and sometimes he doesn't but I tried not to blame myself for anything because he told me it wasn't me or anyone. I do tend to overthink so sometimes I let the worst of me take over. I was feeling so abandoned and sad, I was crying a lot, feeling sorry for myself. I tend to be like this and absorb everyone's emotions, I am very emotional and tend to feel very deeply and it's very hard to manage sometimes. And I kept feeling sad because he wasn't replying, and was declining my calls. I sent him a text, a bit sad/mad, telling him to call me back and he did. To my surprise, for him everything is okay and he is talking about the dates he is thinking of coming to see me, I explain how I feel and how he needs to also understand how is actions affect other people. I was sad, worried and all of that made me insecure. Either way, next days I sent him a screenshot with some flights and told him which airport would be better for him to land on, I finished my message saying something like "hurry because I miss you". AND HE DIDNT REPLY. I let one day pass and I messaged him: You know it really makes me think you don't care about me when you don't reply to my messages. You know that right?" I don't even know what kind of advise I need here. Am I stupid? Should I stop? He made me so happy, am I holding on to something that isn't real? Should I give him time? I am so confused. We had conversations of making us official before and it's just so confusing my heart and my mind are struggling to make a good decision. I still want to be here for him I miss him so much but I also am suffering a lot and hate feeling this way...