layla6

You were not wrong in the following of that one person on Instagram. I recently had a similar experience with my on and off bf of over 4 years. He abruptly cancelled a trip without discussing it with me after what should have been a minor misunderstanding. Accuses me of looking for other men--that is not in my make-up and I know it stems from his insecurities and past relationships, but you get to a point where it is exhausting to be held accountable for the past actions of other people. We all have our own insecurities and past trauma, but we hopefully learn not to punish others for them. “If you never heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you.” You can love someone and still not be compatible, especially if they refuse to heal themselves. You can step off of the roller coaster any time you choose. Stepping off or staying in, neither is easy. Good luck.

Thank you. No, I am not excited about the relationship, because I am anxious that things will go badly. Which is almost the same as expecting them to go badly and that might be adding fuel to making things go badly. I am surprised when things go well, which they do still do.

New relationships are hard enough, I personally wouldn't keep it going given it will soon be long distance, unless you intend to keep it casual. I am so glad the date went well! Appreciate it as a stepping stone towards your future and move forward.

I'm sorry you found out the way you did, but it is better to know now than years into a marriage based on falsehoods (I've been there). Please find someone who is loyal to you for you.

Thank you. I can see your point that my answers were short, because I was busy and I thought he knew I was busy, but I could have worded things better.

This man is in his 50s! He doesn't live with his mother, they are close, and she and I get along very well. He said his mother always tells him if he has done something wrong. But he would had a fit if I let a friend or family member read private texts. And this forum is the first time I have shared texts with anyone, as I seek unbiased feedback.

Your impression is correct. I had to think long and hard about why it has been on and off. it has been on because we have so much in common and often have a really good time together. he can be incredibly generous. i felt from the beginning that we had a deep soul connection. But, why have we been "off"? He says it is because I don't communicate. I say that the times we have broken up were a result of him having had a plan in mind, and I may or may not know this plan, but if I do not go exactly along the script he has planned out, then I am being unreasonable and he generally resorts to name calling and telling me how good he is to me and how could I be so uncaring. Then it usually turns to him accusing me of cheating, which honestly is not in my character. I have plenty of flaws, but cheating is not one of them. So, yes, your impression of resentment is spot on.

I don't always stay calm, it is a work in progress! Keep up the learning techniques! Good for you! Yes, IT IS OK to leave or hang up. Especially after you've tried nicely to get off the phone/leave. IT IS OK to exit a situation like that. There is NO NEED for you to feel guilty for looking after your own mental well-being!

That sounds like a tough position to be in. When I deal with a difficult person, I am trying to put into practice that I cannot control what they say or do, I can only control my reaction to it. If a calm and rational reaction is not met with the same, then I have to drop the need to defend myself. I will then just keep my reactions short and simple, "OK", "Thanks, I'll think about that." "Sometimes we don't see things the same way." There is nothing wrong with leaving conversations and situations that are not constructive, much less any that are harmful. If she is yelling at you, that is certainly a time to walk away. If she brings up the past, you can certainly say that you cannot change the past, but you have learned from it. I would try to not limit the things you tell other family members. Don't isolate yourself because of one person's reactions. Good luck!

Unfortunately it is a routine behavior. I feel like I'm being gaslighted often, but of course, part of that strategy is that it makes one doubt themselves. He goes on to say that I pretend I'm innocent and never do anything wrong... here he was planning a trip for me... and that I don't care about his feelings, etc. I think a mature person would have heard that I was busy doing things after being gone, and said "hey, baby, is there a time you think you can sit down and look at things with me?" And if he had done it that way, or in any way making it known to me that he wanted to plan other things that needed to be booked, I would have sat down and done that. He heard that I wasn't excited, didn't know we HAD to plan things, and that I had been with him all weekend and needed a break from talking to him. Those were his own fears from feeling insecure. The whole "my bad" at the end of his messages made it seem like he wanted me to feel like I was doing something wrong. When I said "Don't tell me to stop saying something" was not nice. That is the place where I did get mad. To me he was shutting down a conversation, where maybe we could have cleared things up.

I've been dating this man off and on for over 4 years. Here is a little back story and a conversation that led him to say that I was being rude and nasty in the conversation, and looking for a fight. It concerned him so much that the following day he let his mother read the conversation and then did not contact me for 5 days and cancelled the trip, without talking to me about it. (I did not contact him during that time either.) Backstory: I had spent last weekend at his house, before I left, he asked if we could both get on computers and research an area we were visiting in a couple of weeks for a one-day event, with the possibility of staying overnight there. I texted him when I got home at 5:53 pm, and he was already looking at things. He texted back telling me exactly how far it was from my house, that maybe we could camp, etc. I was literally carrying things in the house, taking out garbage, taking care of dogs, cats, chickens, unpacking things since I had been gone since Friday at 4:00 pm. At 6:30 he asked me to call him. So I did and he said he was having trouble finding places to only stay one night, would i be ok staying friday night too. so i agreed and he booked a place. He texted me at 7:45ish that he thought we needed to bring casual shoes, walking shoes and hiking shoes. I told him I didn’t have any hiking shoes, but I’d find some. I thought that was that. A room was booked and hiking shoes indicated walking trails, so that’s what I thought we were doing, then attending the event Sunday. At 7:53 he sent a link about kayaking, I was fixing dinner and didn’t open the link, just saw what it was. The rest of the complete conversation was: 8:45 T: Have you kayaked? Me: No. Idk if I have the balance for that T: lol. My sister kayaks most weekends. I’m sure you could. It looks like it would be an amazing adventure. 9:00: T: Perhaps you’d have more fun if you plan the activities. We will be staying in mt Sterling Friday and Saturday checking out Sunday before noon then hanging at clay city till the thing at 4 Me: I’ll see what I can do T: Thumbs up emoji 11:00 T: What you been up to this evening? Me: Unpacked stuff and put away some laundry, watched the chickens for a little while, talked to my son when he got home from work, fixed some food & watched some funny memes & videos with him for a bit, found a tick on my back & then took a shower. Looked for deals on hiking boots. Found theres a drive-in in my sterling but haven’t found what movies they are showing that w/e. Starting watching tv about an hour ago I’m getting sleepy now though What have you been up to? T: I gave up on our plan making session I thought we were gonna have this evening and started watching a movie. Goto bed if you’re tired. Me: Sorry, didn’t know we had to plan everything out this evening when I had been gone all weekend. I will. Goodnight T: I thought I had asked before you left off when you got home if we could take some time and get on the phone while researching stuff around there on both our computers. My bad I must have dreamed that up Me: I didn’t catch the part where you meant we had to do it this evening. My bad T: We don’t have to do anything. Stop saying you didn’t know we had to do it this evening. It’s two weeks away I just wanted to try and figure stuff out. I was excited about it, my bad. Me: You’d already booked where to stay I didn’t know what else you wanted to plan T: Goodnight Me: Don’t tell me what to stop saying