Jibralta

Over the last 10-15 years, I've noticed a sharply increasing preoccupation with Identity in or culture/society. I find this interesting.

Leaving is not throwing your relationship away, though. It's exiting a destructive situation, and acknowledging the fact that you have no power to control it. Have you read anything about codependency? It's a very common condition where one person unflaggingly supports another person's addiction, bad behavior, and/or physical or mental health problems. Learning more about it will help you.

Yes.

This is your cue to exit the relationship. He has shown you that he is a secretive liar who doesn't accept responsibility. That equals a terrible relationship partner.

Some people are much more frivolous with their words than you are. This is a deceptively simple statement with a lot of truth in it.

I wouldn't date someone like this. We could hang out as friends, but that's it. If we were already dating when I found out, I would stop dating him.

Sounds to me like he's looking to cheat on his wife.

No one called you an idiot!

Do you ask where he is on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays?

You could be describing an experience that I once had! It did not end well lol. Glad you are moving on, but just be careful about rushing in like this.

I've seen the movie. I haven't watched the series. Something about your previous post reminded me of it. I think it was the part where you said, "It's Hell City... come on, of course I have to have one Satanic painting." It reminded me of something one of those characters would have said. My boyfriend and I binged the series last summer. We loved it. Then we watched the movie, which was also really good. Totally different characters, though.

I agree. If you can't separate friendship from your attraction to her, you'll just be aggravated even more than you already are. And it will be your fault, not hers.

I'm not sure about that. I think it depends on where you're travelling. Sometimes flying to a geographically close place can be extremely expensive. But I also remember visiting my dad in Arizona and him telling me that it was easy and cheap to hop on a plane to a neighboring state out there. That was like 15 years ago, though. I agree.

I wouldn't have stopped either. Yikes. If I were you, I'd let everyone in my family know what happened. Don't try to get people to take sides, just let them know so that they can be aware. The situation may self-govern itself. In the meantime, don't hold your breath waiting for an apology. You just have to watch out for that guy. Some people get off on policing other people's actions. Hell, some people get off on policing other people's thoughts or even the words they use. They can't seem to help themselves.

If he hasn't done that before, maybe he won't again. Could something have recently happened that provoked him to be defensive?

I've had a similar experience, although alcohol wasn't involved and no one was calling anyone any names. Probably about 50% of the people I went to graduate school were from other countries: Sudan, China, Nigeria, India, Siberia, Barbados, Germany, Turkey to name a few. It's a very diverse bunch. Good, decent, people. Very intelligent and educated. We all got along together and still stay in touch to this day. But my American classmates and I were occasionally stunned by the outrageously racist remarks that these guys would casually let fly. It was always sort of a Holy Sht moment lol. Everyone's eyes would fly open wide and you try not to laugh or look at each other when the comment was made. It was said so innocently, even when there was genuine anger and frustration there... And, you know, we'd talk to them (and each other) about it over the course of time because we'd known them for years, we all knew each other. We weren't afraid. We were all friends. You realize that a lot of it had to do with their own country's internal struggles. It's an important moment because it opens discussion and you learn a lot about people, and what's going on in different cultures.

Have you ever seen the show (or movie), What We Do in the Shadows?

I think Asheville, North Carolina is also within that same radius. I haven't been there, but I hear it's a pretty cool place.

I actually have not had this experience. I can't remember the last time that I saw an ex. I haven't run into any organically (a.k.a. in real life, like at the store or something). And I'm not on social media with any of my actual friends or family. But I like to imagine my 'exes' aging gracefully, still handsome.

Have I mentioned that I have a Facebook page where I am only friends with my biological relatives? I created it to contact Ellen. After she died and her sisters started reaching out, I friended them on it. My uncles (one through his wife) and some cousins joined. And two of Ellen's friends from the shelter. I haven't found out why she was there, and I'm not sure if I will. So now I have 20 'friends' on that account. This is a totally different experience than my Facebook experience since I was last on it in 2013. ANYWAY, today, one of my cousins posted this: I had to look at that a few times. I did not relate. I don't think I let my heart get broken until I was in my early 30s.

I think her husband wants to distance himself from the "n word" guy. Guilt by association and all that. As to whether the "n word" guy is a racist or not--I can't tell. I don't know anything about him except that he did a pretty dumb thing. I would feel pretty comfortable saying that he is self-destructive. But that's not saying a lot, really. It's just a statement of fact: Getting drunk and picking a fight is self-destructive--you can get your ass beat and you injure or destroy potential friendships. Trying to hurt someone's feelings is self-destructive because people don't want to be friends with you when you hurt them. Saying the n-word to anyone in this day and age is self-destructive--it's a sure way to ostracize yourself from the people around you. My guess is that he's a self-destructive guy with relationship problems--all relationships, not just romantic. So, does truth come out when we are drunk? Yeah..... but it's a crapshoot because it's not necessarily a drunken word or a drunken statement. And it's not necessarily easy to interpret. For example, it might be a pattern of behavior in a particular person that emerges more when they are drunk. You probably wouldn't be able to see that unless you knew them really well. Or you might not recognize a pattern when you see it. I think you have to look at each person, and each situation as a whole, and be slow to judge. Hasty judgment is usually bad judgment. Note the facts little by little and let the answer present itself in time.

That sounds exciting! I don't know much about Atlanta or Nashville. I've only been to the airport at Atlanta for connecting flights, and I've always had to make a mad dash from one side of the airport to the other. So, not much time to experience anything (if one even can experience a place through it's airport). I've never been to Nashville, but I'd like to go one day. It looks like Nashville is about 4 hours away from Atlanta. If you're willing to put that amount of time into a cartrip, you might also want to check out Charleston, SC and/or Savannah, GA. Hilton Head and Bluffton SC are nice vacation destinations, but I'm not sure how much time you have to spend in a given area.

That makes it sound a lot better 😅

No. She's responding because you're a fellow human being, not because you're a romantic interest.

Why? You haven't accepted the offer yet, right? No. You said that you feel like a piano is going to drop on your head at your current job. I think you're just running to the devil you know instead of taking a chance on the unknown. It may seem safer to stay, but realistically you know you hate it there. I'd take the chance. That 'devil you know' business is a false sense of security.