Looktothesky

I want to ask my therapist if I can schedule an additional appointment before my next one but I’m worried it will be too much

There’s nothing much to continue about. Or at least it feels that way to me. My family doesn’t get along at all. I haven’t made a single friend since I graduated college ten years ago and I’m too scared to try. All my friends and extended family in my age group are settling down and starting families. I live in an area where I can’t go outside without seeing all the people going about their days and engagements. Im getting older every day and haven’t accomplished what I want to creatively. Every hour I know there’s life happening out there and I am not an active participant. The things I want to do are being done and the life I want to live is being lived and I’m stuck being myself in my pathetic little world that’s getting smaller and smaller all the time.

Thank you. I am seeing a licensed therapist bi-weekly. I think I may have to reach out and see if I can schedule an additional appointment. And yes, it does. We reconciled in the fall and did relationship therapy. Eventually I had to come to the hard realization that I was still not capable of supporting her and being there in the way that she needs, and in the way that she has always done for me. That was in late January and I am still stuck on it. I don’t know if I believe much in fate or soulmates, but I feel deeply connected to her and I’m struggling to imagine ever meeting someone like her again. I keep hoping for things to get easier. I met up with her last weekend because I found some vintage t-shirts that I knew she’d like. I keep hoping to feel at peace with maintaining a friendship with her. But every time I see her or talk to her it just reminds me how much I love her.

I can’t get the nagging thought out of my head that I could just end my life someday if I wanted. It feels like my life is just a funnel leading to that point. All I have anymore is just memories of better times. I don’t see any hope of things getting better.

I have to say I was not expecting the general response to be that we should just give this up altogether. I’m not sure why it seems the mere mention of couples therapy seems to have that effect on people. I don’t see why it cannot be a useful, powerful thing that has the potential to bring people closer. We are not in therapy due to issues we are currently having. We are doing it to have a neutral space where we can clear the air about things that went wrong earlier this year and how we might be able to navigate those problems in the future. After the breakup in July, we had not seen each other or been in contact until late September or so. I guess I don’t necessarily see being on dating apps as an absolute indicator that things aren’t working. We are purposely giving each other the space we need. Aside from the initial gut punch of seeing her on there, I don’t really have a problem with it.

To be fair, I am not taking being on the apps seriously at all. It feels more like a bad habit at this point. I talk to people but don’t feel any compulsion to go further, being that I still have feelings for her. Is it not possible that she could be in a similar position? We’ve been open about our goals to try and mend our relationship.

My relationship with my ex girlfriend ended over the summer. A little over a month or so ago we began talking and agreed to start couples therapy in order to sort of clear the air around the breakup and see if there is a way forward for us together. Things have been going well with that and we have also been spending time together outside of therapy. We both agree that things are going well and acknowledge that there is still a lot to work on. Since the breakup I have regrettably been on dating apps. Mainly to casually date or to hook up. It isn’t something that we’ve discussed. Well this morning I came across her profile on one of the apps with her bio about looking for someone for a relationship. I am trying to keep my feeling about this in check, since I don’t really have a place to be upset. I want to bring it up to her but I don’t know if that is a good idea.

As far as concentration, not really. Since getting on new medication and regular therapy, I don’t feel like it has been as much of an issue. Although I guess this could be related. I’ve been sick which has taken a lot out of me physically, which I feel like may be more part of it. Currently getting into the source of why i so easily feel this overwhelming shame and worthlessness in therapy, and I’m finding a lot of it may have to do with my sister specifically, interestingly.

Thank you, everyone. It is difficult to not be too hard on myself or feel a great amount of shame when something like this happens.

That’s why I’m so disappointed in myself because it wasn’t hard to keep at all. I’ve been doing pretty well at getting myself back on track, so when something like this happens it is very frustrating. I just don’t want them to not trust me with their kid or anything because of this.

I was supposed to take my sister and her family to the airport this morning. I forgot to charge my phone before I fell asleep and I overslept by 30 mins. I missed their calls and texts and they had to drive themselves. They made it in time but I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. My sister is not responding to me right now. I feel awful. I don’t know what to do.

That is possible. And I’ve almost certainly let my imagination build this up and I am now projecting a lot on to a person I don’t really know. In fairness I am doing other things for my mental health. Moving was a big burden lifted, new and increased meds seem to be working, I’m cooking my own food, I’m in regular therapy which is helping. I guess part of getting better for me means being more social. I just felt like we have stuff in common. And I’ve had a strong desire to travel more and she has done a ton of that. I feel like talking to her did inspire me to want to live life a little more fully, so I’d like to get to know her more because of that

Thank you for the feedbac. Deep down I know it is not a good idea, but high is why I posted cus I was verging on texting her. It’s just frustrating because she is such an interesting person and I just want to know it all. And I’ve always longed to meet someone in a more organic way. I guess a mental hospital is not quite that, but it’s not quite an app either. It just feels bad when that feeling is not necessarily reciprocated They did offer virtual outpatient care but I opted for in-person. Idk if it’s too late to try again

To make a long story short, I received inpatient services at a hospital this summer due to suicidal ideation. While in the hospital I found that I got along well with some other patients. There was one person in particular who I thought was very cool and interesting. I thought we got along pretty well. She offered her phone number saying we should try to hang out sometime, so we exchanged numbers. A week or so after I was discharged I texted her to see how she was doing and to let her know I was enjoying a show she recommended. She let me know she was not doing so well after leaving the hospital. I wished her well and left it at that. A couple of weeks later I received a text from her. She asked how I was doing and said that she had an additional stay at the hospital and is feeling much better. She is doing outpatient therapy and asked how I was liking it, since that was something we had talked about in the hospital. Unfortunately I decided not to continue with outpatient therapy. I found it hard to get back into the swing of things while also finding time to drive 30 mins immediately after work 3x a week (in addition to weekly therapy). I let her know I was glad she was doing better and that I was not continuing with outpatient therapy due to the reasons above. I never heard back from her. I have to admit that I really would like to get to know this person. I also have to admit that part of that is due to my attraction to her. I feel like I am so interested in her as a person that I would be ok with being friends. But a part of me is also interested romantically. I am trying to keep that part in check for several reasons. First, we met in what I can assume was a very vulnerable spot for both of us. Second, she is over a decade older than me. Third, I didn’t necessarily pick up on a mutual attraction. But going back to the first point, it’s not as if either of us were in a situation to be more open about those things. So I’d really like to get to know this person outside of the context of inpatient care for mental health. I did not receive a response from my last text. If I really want to get to know this person, should I take a chance and reach out again?

I had my first appointment with a new therapist and I really like them. I’m going to continue weekly. They mentioned that they do couples therapy if we ever wanted to that. That was one thing we agreed to do and never did back in the winter. Even though we are not a couple I wonder if it would be a good idea to propose that after some time has passed.