out_of_context

I like listening to select talk radio shows, fav. tv shows (outer limits, simpsons, nip/tuck), working out, rollerblading, sampling music at bookstores, reading and smoking. I meditate as well which can be nice. And I wish I could say that all of these together or one of these is worth more to me than a really good relationship but i can't. I'm needy.

hero99 - that girl who said "Hi, how are you doing" sarcastically is a fake person. If I throw a stone, i'd probably hit someone like her or her. She's making socializing out to be a competition of who says more or who puts up a better pretense. If you didn't feel comfortable, i imagine somewhere you sensed the people around you, the girls, were playing the game of who is more social which made you quiet. If you have something to say or contribute you'd say it. Few people in social settings talk completely honestly, so if you do reveal your authentic self, you'd be putting your heart out there. Don't do it! Instead, make it a point to know interesting, but light facts or topics - the news, entertainment, beer & sex statisics, jokes etc. I didn't like you sympathizing with the dumb girl (i.e. "I knew what she meant by that...I didn't say a whole lot to her and just left in my car"). Did she say a whole lot to you? What she did was wrong, and cowardly. Don't let dumb people's words make inroads into your consciousness.

katka - everyone gets a little paranoid now and then. What would be nice is if you could find someone that understands your personality makeup and calls u back that night and gives you reason to be reassured. You're right in a sense that at any moment anything can happen. If you think he is deliberately delaying calling you back to make you feel like you need him more, consider mirroring his actions (without bitterness). When you don't return his calls immediately, you'll realize it's okay not to call back that night. It's clear that intellectually you understand that the sky is not necessarily going to fall down if he doesn't call back this night but clearly that isn't enough. You need to know and feel it as well. Try to accept the way you are (what else can you really do?) and take little steps towards where you'd like to be.

stormygurl - tht week of anticipation must have left you in a dither. sorry. "I don't know what to say" isn't something u want to hear after you've expressed interest. Ask yourself this: If you were interested in him and he wrote a letter to you expressing interest. Would you take a week to respond and then be ambigious? You have every right to be upset.

I think he can tell that you are interested in him and he enjoys making you feel good. Be careful with your heart.

I really hate this. I'm sick of letting myself want my first g/f. Sick to death and yet I let my mind entertain the thought, over and over. This summer, i got a week of calls from the first girl i ever went out with. We're in different countries and she was at the time and still is going out with this guy there. The third call out of the seven, she tells me that she had a dream about me last night. Pause for a moment here, will you? And just enjoy the moment frozen in time just before i willingly give up my emotional sanity. "What was the dream about?"...