katka

"Stop Over Analyzing and move on" has been said one thousand times by people who are not in the situation. And your advice is good but I did that last week or so I thought. I asked him straight out if he was still interested and if he wasn't pls let me know cause it would make it easier for both of us. I think that couldn't have been more straight forward. Now, I won't be devastated over this so-called relationship but it does make me very uncomfortable not knowing exactly what the heck is going on. I, personally, haven't stopped my life and I have a date next Tueday eve but I noticed HE hasn't been on the personal site in two months...Now, granted, I was a tad aloof in the beginning for self preservation but if this is his game now as soon as I show some interest....he better reactivate his profile cause I'm done.

**Please refer to my other posts for background...wouldn't want to bore you with a novel or anything. I am now wondering if I have been "broken up" with and not even know it. I mean, when I wrote him that email last week asking him if he's still interested or not. He never answered that question...just said that he still wanted to talk cause he had concerns. Then, when he picked me up and I said perhaps we should talk before dinner cause I don't want to talk about stuff over dinner and he said that his place was "too messy". So he didn't want to go there and it's never been an issue before. So he didn't want me there obviously. AND he brought me back my three catalogs that I had left at his house (clothing catalogs)like I was never going to be at his house again. AND when I got out of the car, he didn't say we'd see each other again or call again just that he was going to a wedding this weekend. Could I have missed the break up somehow? I just want to know what's going on so I can have some closure. It's just hanging out there. But then why ask me all that stuff over dinner and then why ask me what I wanted to do after dinner and then end up back at his place. This isn't fair. If we ARE finished or whatever fine with me but it would be nice to know on my end. Then there's that whole Mars Venus crap where they say the men go into their caves and stuff when they have to think about things and not to contact them at all. Ugh! Any thoughts??

ever since that little conversation, he was incredibly cold, aloof, not himself...last I've heard from him was Sunday at noon and now it's Wednesday late afternoon. If one read that Dr. Gray Mars and Venus book it talks about the uncertainty stage...not sure I buy it but. How can you go from those indepth questions to being cold and distant and no contact? My answers matched his. We were on the same page. What do I do now?

There is no way I'd be talking like or asking some guy that I've only been dating a little over a two months because I would think it would scare them away. And I most CERTAINLY wouldn't ask those questions and discuss this stuff with someone I had zero interest in .... why bother?

This may sound crazy but I'm not quite sure if I am now officially in a relationship. How could I have missed it? I'm just as confused as I was going in! Had a conversation Sat night with this guy that I have been seeing and all of a sudden he starts asking me the following questions... - What are you looking for exactly? - What is it about me that you like? - Are you seeing anyone else? - Have you ever been in love? - How many long-term relationships have you been in and how long did they last and were you the one to do most of the "dumping"? - Do you see yourself ever getting married? - Do you eventually want kids and if someone didn't want kids for another year to three years...would that be fair to you considering the biological clock? I woke up the following morning wondering if I am now someone's girlfriend...what do you think??

Well, it's looking like I'm being dumped yet again. The guy that I was seeing got back late last Monday night (as in a week and a half ago). I wasn't able to see him until this past Sunday. He has been sick. I assumed we'd spend the whole day together on Sunday but after the movie we went to he sprung it on me that he was going to his parent's house for homemade chicken soup. I felt odd as he hadn't seen me in two and a half weeks and now he doesn't even want to spend time with me. Last he said was Sunday early evening "I'll call you in a few days when I'm feeling better." Nice way to be vague. I felt like he was a stranger again. Well, I sent him an email last night (Tuesday) and just asked how he was feeling and if he was doing any better and then I mentioned that how in a previous phone conversation (last Thursday eve) that he had wanted to chat in person. I asked if he was still interested in doing that. I also said that I felt like I was being sent mixed signals and that I was under the impression that he no longer was interested and if that was the case for him to please let me know as it would make things a heck of a lot easier for the both of us. Well, it's now almost noon on Wednesday and no response. What is going on?? Wouldn't you assume you were being dumped by now??

I need help. Major. I know that I get incredibly and irrationally anxious when in a relationship. My perspective is whacked (so I've been told). For example, if the guy I'm seeing isn't home when I call and I leave a message and I don't get a call back that night. I freak. My mind starts automatically thinking that he doesn't like me anymore, he's avoiding my calls, he'll never call back, this is it...so this starts the cycle. I get angry at what I preceived as his neglect so he'll eventually sense my irritability...and so on. I am so afraid of being left or rejected that I basically CAUSE it! Does anyone go through this and how do you stop? The example that I gave is what I'm going through right now and I know it's my warped perspective. I feel crazy!

that your soon to be ex bf's friend is gay? Is your soon to be ex bf gay then? I had asked him plainly two or three times if he was bi and he swore he wasn't. Is there nothing I can do? Why wouldn't he respond?

It really hurts. I mean, to not even get an email or a letter or a voice mail telling me what is going on and why. I feel horrible. I can't believe some people are so mean and hurtful.

Some of you may remember my last post about wondering if my guy was bi or not. Well, I guess I was right. I can't believe how quickly people can change their feelings for you. This guy worshipped me. Always dying to see me. Then the phone call out of nowhere from an "old friend" as he called it. Left to go visit him spur of the moment ... high-tailed it out of town saying that "he would try and email or call to see what I was up to"...not a word. Nothing. He gets home yesterday (I never asked what time he was expected in) and he didn't even call me. I have suddenly been replaced by some gay lover in PR. I sent him an email late last night and just said I hope his trip went well and that I had my speculations but thought that it would be the courteous thing to do to at least let me know what was going on on his end. No reply as of yet. This just seems to cruel. Don't I at least deserve an explanation? I mean, we weren't a longterm serious relationship but we weren't just out on three dates either! I don't know what to do anymore. Pls. help!

We haven't really been in a situation where I could see if he gawks or notices women. Let's see...we've been out to dinner and lunch and those times, he seems focused on me. We've been out to hear live bands but we'd be in a conversation so I didn't really see him looking around much...we've been deep sea fishing, off shore fishing, cooked at his place...oh! I did meet his one friend (the one he talks about incessantly and spends a great deal of time with) but, yes, this friend lives with his girlfriend so they could be bi lovers...but I was relieved cause the couple seemed "normal". I'm concerned about this Rafael in Puerto Rico though because he had told me before he left that he would "try" and email me or call me to see what I was up to and I haven't heard a word from him. Leading me to beieve he's otherwise occupied. AND this Rafael used to live here but moved down there. And my coworker said "Oh, I know a Rafael and he's was very flamboyant gay and he was from such and such town (which is right next to my guys town) and this Rafael worked in a lab...my guy is a lab guy but then moved to Puerto Rico... how much of a coincedance is that??

He wouldn't be technically cheating really cause we never had the talk about us. It's been maybe a little over two months that we first met. My insecurity stems from quirks that could easily be interpreted as gay/bi. AND my friend used to work with him (I never told him that my friend knows him) and she said that she always assumed he was gay or bi. She assumed it from his actions/gestures as well. And the fact that he doesn't seem to have much experience with women.

Actually, good thing this is an anonymous forum here, he can't keep his hands off of me. and he is continuously "ready to go" if you know what I mean (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). However, he seems really nervous and semi inexperienced. Always complimenting me BUT he said one of his neighbors said "who is that blonde girl you were with. she is a straight man's dream"...that scared me to death. I haven't seen him interact with other guys so I'm not sure if he ogles them or not. Man, I wish I knew for sure so I could put my mind at ease. He comes back this Sunday and I don't even want him to touch me cause I don't know "where he's been" so to speak.

no, he doesn't speak Spanish but he told me about a month ago that he had this friend either from college or work I can't remember. And the guy's name was Rafael and that everyone thought they were a gay couple because they spent to much time together. Well, this Rafael moved to Puerto Rico and spur of the moment last week, the guy I'm seeing was invited to go visit him and now "my guy" is down there and all I can envision is man love and it grosses me right out. He dresses like a normal guy, I suppose. Old Navy, he has a normal guy's haircut (not maticulous or feminine)...this is what throws me off. Why did you ask me about Spanish??

...but ok, he has two cats. Yes, guys can like cats but he named one of them "Shakira" after that Spanish woman singer. Not really a manly thing to do. He has a sort of lisp. He has the hand gestures on occasion. He likes very girly music...he even told me he likes the song "Muskrat Love" by Captain and Tinelle (or however you spell it)...that made me cringe. His condo is connected to three other units...two of them gay couples and the one a lone middle-aged man. He spend a great deal of time with this certain guy friend. These are just some examples...