serenitynow

D. Try to ease into it slyly if you want. Somehow steer the conversation there and then ask her if she has a boyfriend right now. She can't know if you like her or not if it fits into the conversation well.

I have a good friend from Alabama (I live in Ohio). We met about 1.5 years ago, at an international competition. We had fun and hung out for about 4 days or so. And then last summer, she found me again at the next annual competition and we hung out and she gave me her phone number and screename and vice versa. Since then we've talked some. We seemed to have a connection when we hung out. In fact, I told her that I had a bit of a crush on her ( I purposely avoided saying I liked her, because I'm not sure about that, but I'll get to that later). And she said she felt the same way. And she keeps saying she can't wait until we see each other again. Then we were talking about colleges and she said she wanted to go somewhere and I have been thinking about going there too (she's a sophomore and I'm a junior). Then she said "we can go there together!" So basically, is this real? Like is it even worth the effort on my part? Is there a chance we really have something? I'm afraid it might just be the fact that we live in such different areas that we get along so well. It's the whole opposites attract thing. We are completely different. When/if I see her in a few months, should I make a move on her? Would that just be setting it up for a disaster? (even though I'm pretty sure she wants me to). It just doesn't feel like I like her. If I was in person with her, I think I would be able to. But then again, I feel like I am fooling myself? If I have a girlfriend before I go, should I break up with her so I can take my rare shot at my friend??? please help, I'm so confused....

Any good relationship is built off of listening to each other. That's the whole point. If you want to get close to someone you need to be able to listen to them and vice versa.

My exgirlfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago. It wasn't really my fault and it came as a shock and caught me off guard considering how great things were going. She wanted to be best friends but after that things just went downhill until one day she just went off on me and we stopped talking and ignored each other every time we passed each other. But since we broke up I think about her sooo much. It's hard to say how much I think about her. Recently we've started talking again and things are going good, she says hi to me really happily and stuff. But, I haven't talked to her in like 2 weeks, and I miss her so much. I want to basically show her that I'm the same and stuff, and have conversations like we used to, and i want be really close to her but i dont think she wants that for some reason. I mean, I don't know what to do. I know I should move on, but I care about her so much, and I know that if she gave me a chance it would work again. Even if she gave me a chance at a good friendship I'm pretty sure she'd like me again and then I could slowly go into a relationship. I'm afraid that if I tell her that I want to be close friends with her again shell act weird, it feels like I have to walk on eggshells with her. What should I do???

Thanks. I will tell her that I think she should see a professional. But, I don't think she will. And also, she's not 18 so there would be some legal problems right? Becuase she doesn't want her parents to know. Not to mention it would cost a lot. Should I have her promise me she will see one when she turns 18 at least? Oh yea, I just remembered this. I think she felt bad telling me because she knew how hurt I would be about it and how much it would affect me. So I'm afraid she won't talk about it anymore because she will be afraid of making me upset. Even though it does really hurt me and affect me, should I tell her that it doesn't in order to make sure that she keeps telling me? Or should i be honest and say it does a lot, but she shouldn't hesitate to talk about it with me because it isn't anywhere near as important as helping her.

Thank you so much. She may have PTSD because I remember things that caused me to believe something had happened that was causing some of what she did. If that makes sense. Like for example, once we were talking and she said "i think i have to go" and i said "why?" and she said "I'm having a small relapse. I'm having flashbacks of somethings and I can't talk to you in this state." And the last 2 years she has been so different from before, when it happened. She rarely talks in school, and seems depressed. But, she said she was happy now, because now it's like this is a new start of her life. She said she feels very strong and thinks she's a better person. She also said she felt like a 24 year old in a 16 year old's body and that she was ashamed to tell me what she was about to. Of course I told her she shouldn't be ashamed of it but proud of herself for being able to handle it and do all of what she did by herself at such a young age. I'm worried though about the person that raped her coming back. Should I try to bring up her maybe going after him in court for rape? And if not that, a restraining order?

My ex girlfriend and now best friend is 16. I've always had fears that something horrible had happened in her past because I've been picking up clues and having flashbacks. She used to be really mean 2 or 3 years ago to me, she hated me and made fun of me for no reason and stuff. And this year we became good friends then we dated and she said that she was a differnt person back then, and things happened that made her like that. Then one day her exbf got brought up cuz he's fighting in iraq, and she said she hated him and he didnt know how to treat a girl. So i inferred something really bad must have happened cuz she doesnt hate anyone and is so loving. And there were many other clues i wont explain. Yesterday I found out what it was. She told me and she's never told anyone. She said she's been sexually abused since she was 4. And she was also raped when she was 13. She got pregnant and got everything set up for an abortion, but her boyfriend (the person who raped her) wouldn't let her have the abortion. She had a miscarriage. She stayed with the boyfriend off and on for another 3 years, until this year when she broke up with him a few months before she started dating me. Her mother found out that she had sex with him but she won't believe her that she was raped, she thinks it was consentually, so that hurts her a lot. And now I'm realizing why she hates her mother and all that, and why her mom doesn't trust her. At first she was like "please say something, say anything" and then right after she was like "nevermind you don't have to say anything". So I got the feeling she really needed me to help her, and I tried my best and I think I did ok, we still haven't talked about it all that we will though. I need help, what should i say? what should i tell her to do? I mean, she hasn't told anyone her whole life and just telling me is making me worry i wont be able to do enough to help her. I keep thinking about it to and it's so horrible and hurts so much. I've even had flashbacks to when i said things like "I don't think abortion is ok in any situation, even in rape I don't think it's ok" and i feel like sh*t. Should i ask her if the abuse has stopped? Should i ask who did it? Should i ask if wants to get a restraining order on the guy that raped her since he's coming back from iraq and she's freaking out? I don't know what to do because this is so bad and i've never had to see anyone else deal with it. Please help, i can't ask any of my friends for help obviously because i can't tell anyone!

You can't tell her you've changed, you have to show her. Trust me, she won't listen to you no matter how many times you tell her, but after you give it time and show her she may realize. But, I'm sorry to tell you this, she could just not like you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

My girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (we are trying to work through something so I'm not sure lol) never swore. And then one day she got mad at her parents and after we got in her car she flicked them off (they didn't see though) and said the f word about 4 times. I didn't like it all, but I realized she must have been really upset and it made me feel bad. I'd have a problem if she swore all the time because I see her as being classy. And yea if she said the kind of stuff you were saying I'd be uncomfortable too. I don't think I've ever sworn around her either, even though I do swear, it's out of respect for her that I don't when I'm with her because she probably doesn't like it. So maybe you should tell her how you don't like it when you say stuff like that. I'm sure if you told her, she would stop, but you have to make sure you don't swear a lot around her either lol.

Well if by first love you mean am I in love with her, then no. I don't believe I am old enough nor wise enough to be in love yet. We were only together for about 3 months I'd say. But, from the first time we talked I knew that I liked her because we think exactly alike. We share the exact same dreams and thoughts, it's actually kind of weird. But yea, she is my first girlfriend so as I have heard, I will always remember her.

We talked for about 4 hours last night and everything seemed to be going great. We didn't even talk about what happened, it was as if we were still together. Every now and then what happened would come up. I told her I trusted her and she says she believed me. She talked so me about somethings that have happened to me recently that I said in the letter. And I asked her what she meant she was thinking about and she said "well you, you and me, and just things in general". I also asked her if she was thinking about us working through it and staying together and she said "yea i am thinking about that yes". And we are going to get together this week to talk about it, so I think this is a really good sign.

Ok this came as a shock to me. Yesterday was the first day she got back from camp, she was gone 5 weeks. And before she left she told me we would be able to talk a lot and I had nothing to worry about. So, she ended up talking to me 2 hours total and not even at all in the last 2.5 weeks. I was really upset about this, so yesterday I kind of went off on her a bit, I mean it wasn't that bad though. And after about 10 mins she was like "Ok obviously this relationship isn't going to work because you have repeatedly proven you don't trust me. I hope we can still be friends and be mature about this." But then I had to go so I couldn't even talk about it to her. She said that I didn't trust that she tried her hardest to talk to me, trust that she was upset about the whole thing too, and trust her about this rumor. The rumor was that she had sex with 2 guys at once and I asked her about it before we started going out and she said it wasn't true. So I believed her, even though I heard a lot of evidence it was true. But, then about a month ago I heard undenyable evidence I thought at the time. So I brought it up again, but my intentions were to point out to her that some of her friends were spreading the rumor so she'd keep an eye on them. It wasn't to question whether or not it was true even though I will admit the thoughts were flying around in my mind and I was going paranoid. She was my first girlfriend, and everything was going so great before she left for 5 weeks. I want her back. I've been depressed this summer without her and I wrote a long letter to her explaining that was why I was so upset that she didn't talk to me, because I felt like no one cared about me and was there for me to help me except her and I couldn't even talk to her. I said things like "I do trust you. I'll tell you anything you want to know. I'll tell you ____ ( I tell her something I've never told anyone). I'll tell you _____ . I'll tell you that I have the smell of your perfume memorized and everytime I smell it my heart beats faster and I'm happier." And I told her how much she means to me and how this was a misunderstanding and how I over-reacted and I was sorry. But, I don't think it will work. I don't know what I will do if I don't get her back. I wrote this post in a different category yesterday and I didn't get much help, but here's an update: My girlfriend read the letter and was like "Alex I really appreciated your letter, I have to go soon I just wanted to tell you that. But, I have a lot of things I need to think about." and then i was like ok so we'll talk later about it? and she was like yes. And then we talked quite normally and she told me about a concert she was going to and i got her to laugh. I don't know what this means. Does this mean she like wants me back but needs some time to think first? Or does it mean yea my letter was great and all but she still needs to think about whether she wants me back. Or did the but mean that there's no chance of getting back together? My friend is going to talk to her and she is like her best friend and thinks this is a really good sign and that she really didn't mean to break up with me in the first place (although they haven't talked yet). So I know she will try to get her to stay with me and I tell her everything and my girlfriend knows that she knows almost everything that's going on with me.

One time I tried it in the shower and something really weird happened. I may have had an allegic reaction like the person above said. But it was ultra sensative for several days and it was pretty painful. It happened 2 years ago and since then I haven't had it again. But, I haven't done it in the shower anymore lol. So yea, get a bottle of hand lotion or something instead of soap/shampoo just to be safe.

Ok this came as a shock to me. Yesterday was the first day she got back from camp, she was gone 5 weeks. And before she left she told me we would be able to talk a lot and I had nothing to worry about. So, she ended up talking to me 2 hours total and not even at all in the last 2.5 weeks. I was really upset about this, so yesterday I kind of went off on her a bit, I mean it wasn't that bad though. And after about 10 mins she was like "Ok obviously this relationship isn't going to work because you have repeatedly proven you don't trust me. I hope we can still be friends and be mature about this." But then I had to go so I couldn't even talk about it to her. She said that I didn't trust that she tried her hardest to talk to me, trust that she was upset about the whole thing too, and trust her about this rumor. The rumor was that she had sex with 2 guys at once and I asked her about it before we started going out and she said it wasn't true. So I believed her, even though I heard a lot of evidence it was true. But, then about a month ago I heard undenyable evidence I thought at the time. So I brought it up again, but my intentions were to point out to her that some of her friends were spreading the rumor so she'd keep an eye on them. It wasn't to question whether or not it was true even though I will admit the thoughts were flying around in my mind and I was going paranoid. She was my first girlfriend, and everything was going so great before she left for 5 weeks. I want her back. I've been depressed this summer without her and I wrote a long letter to her explaining that was why I was so upset that she didn't talk to me, because I felt like no one cared about me and was there for me to help me except her and I couldn't even talk to her. I said things like "I do trust you. I'll tell you anything you want to know. I'll tell you ____ ( I tell her something I've never told anyone). I'll tell you _____ . I'll tell you that I have the smell of your perfume memorized and everytime I smell it my heart beats faster and I'm happier." And I told her how much she means to me and how this was a misunderstanding and how I over-reacted and I was sorry. But, I don't think it will work. I don't know what I will do if I don't get her back. Could she just have been saying that because she was mad at me and now regrets it? If I wrote her an amazing letter is there a chance I can get her back? Some of my close friends are her best friends so if they tell her to keep me will that help? This is quite possibly the worst time of my life...

Dude, I had the exact same problem (and still do). My girlfriend is my first one and I went to the park with her and wanted to kiss her and there was a silence and we stared into each other's eyes but I couldn't physically do it! i just froze! then ti happened again at the movie theater but then she just did it lol. Are you and your girlfriend really open about that stuff? Because if you are I think it would help if you talked about it with her. And I hate how people say "just do it!" its not that easy for some of us and I completely understand where you are coming from. Maybe if you talk about it with your girlfriend she will decide to just make the first move for you...

Wow. Read a biology book, maybe...

My girlfriend has been in another state for the last 5 weeks (only 1 more ) at some camp. Before she left we probably met each other about 6 times in a one month period. And we used to talk a lot, like 2 hours almost every day. Her mom is really strict (she would talk to me when she wasn't home) so she said we'd be able to talk more than normally. So I was happy about that because at least if I couldn't see her, I could talk to her. BUT, since she's left we've talked a total of 2 hours in the last 5 weeks. I'm pretty disappointed, and it's not that I think she's cheating on me or anything, or purposely doing it. But, it's just like, she has a lot of time off and I feel like she should want to talk to me! When she does talk to me she's like "I miss you so much" or "I think about you all the time" and etc. I'm starting to feel distant from her, almost starting not to like her anymore . I used to think about her all the time and now I do a lot less. Is this normal? When she gets back will I like her as much as I once did? Should I be upset about her only talking to me 2 hours in the last 5 weeks? I've already told her how much it hurt me and she said it wasn't her fault and got kind of defensive about it, saying that she couldn't help it.

Maybe the reason your relationships didn't work in the past was because they were so superficial. "How do I get a knock out girlfriend???" Maybe you can "knock girls off their feet" by not treating them like pieces of meat. Come on, I'm only 15 and I can recognize that as immature...

Yea, I think she's kissed a lot of guys. But, she froze when she had the chances to kiss me too, she even told me she wanted to when we were alone once but she was too nervous. I think she knows what she's doing from the kiss so i don't know...

I knew my girlfriend liked me for about 2 weeks (and I liked her too). But, for some reason I just didn't know how to make it official. And I just flat out asked her "will you be my girlfriend?" and she said yes very enthusiastically. I was very surprised at how easy it was (all the terms my peers have is so god damned confusing) and even though it wasn't the most thought out way to do it, it worked

Ok just for starters I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 16. My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 2 months, and the first time we kissed was a week ago. It was my first ever kiss and I was so nervous to do it so I waited that long. And I had all the perfect chances to do it too. So, we talked about it and I told her how nervous i was and how I wanted to but just couldn't. And she was like it's ok, I want to kiss you really bad but I don't want to pressure you, I could make the first move if you wanted. And I said no, lol, even though I really wanted her to. Ok so then we went to see a movie and this was the last time we thought we'd see each other before she left for camp. So both us knew we had to kiss then. And yea, the movie went through all the way and I had some chances but I still couldn't do it! So then by the time I knew it, it was over and I was like oh shoot, I lost my chance, wtf am I thinking? Then the credits started and we both just sat there. And we like glancing at each other and then turning away, it was pretty funny now that I look back on it lol. Then we just both started cracking up because neither of us would do it. And she kept saying like "ok.....now!" and we wouldn't move. But then we finally did and I don't know, I guess it went well, it was my first kiss so I can't really know. But like we kissed normally for I'd say 30 seconds even though it seemed like forever. And then she touched my tongue with her's, I guess as an invitation to french kiss, am I right? Well yea, so then I didn't really do anything because I wasn't expecting it. And I guess I may have ended it, because 10 seconds later it was over and I think I helped end it because we were 10 minutes late to our parents and the credits were over so a movie guy would walk in any second (he did right after we were done actually, phew). But, I'm still nervous about it! and when she gets back I don't think I'll be able to do it! She said I did fine but I still feel I'm still worried I did bad and screwed up a special moment. Based on her offering to french kiss, does that mean the kiss went well? And how do I tell her why I may have ended it early so she doesn't think it was because I didn't like it??? And how long is a french kiss supposed to last? P.S. I went to her house 2 days later (the last day before she left) and spent the whole day with her and we had tons of chances to kiss (the couch, her bed, etc) but we didn't. I felt like she was afraid to! And I didn't want to do it because I didn't know how she felt about the earlier kiss... so please help me... she gets back soon and I want to be able to resolve this... thank you! and sorry if it was long