wigton

Hi Would really appreciate any more opinions on this. I'm going batty wondering if any what I should do...or should I just wait and NC?

thanks maharito yes that's precisely why i didn't want to tell him...it might have scared him off and made it seem as if i was being too dependent on him. update, ran into him at a party last night and at first he walked into the other room...i don't think he thought i would be there even though he had plenty of friends and relatives there that could have called him and told him that i was there. well, we talked a bit, nothing heavy-he came up to me several times, i didn't seek him out. gave me a hug when he left...what do i do now?

give him some space. my sister's husband did the same thing...left her four months after she gave birth. but he came back after a year and they are working it out. give hime space and be his FRIEND only. luckily you have kids so that gives you something to talk about.

get this book called "why men wont committ" very helpful...

for legal reason and if you want to keep your job you had better not make any sort of advances. this is serious.

john the other post said it well, when we enter a relationship with someone else we do it because we, you, want to have emotional needs met. that's the keyword, needs. how can you give her what she needs if you need more? when someone has been hurt the last thing he or she is going to do is to want to give you what YOU need. it seems as though she doesn't really believe that you have changed. if you love her then respect her wishes after all that's what true love is, you are willing to sacrifice YOUR needs in order to meet her needs, at least for now.

if you really love her you need to give her some space. you said everytime she leaves a part of you leaves? that's not healthy at all. you seem too needy or insecure with yourself if that's how you really feel. you and her are two separate ppl. and after an entire week in mexico, ppl. do need a break.

She is using you! As far as you know, she may have cheated on you before. I think you need to have restraining order as well.

Clearly you are a very compassionate person, but I sense some insecurity issues. Otherwise, why would you allow yourself to be treated this way? If possible, you need to move away from her asap and move on with your healing. There is no way she will ever be the kind of person you want her to be-she doens't seem capable of true emotional intimacy. There also seems to be some codependency issues here at work-you can't help her overcome her problems and she clearly doesn't want to by her actions. Meanwhile, you're losing your self-respect and esteem. While you feel better for a short time because you have her back, you can't be intimate with her because deep down, you really don't feel close to her anymore.

thanks sparrow, very good advice to heed. I am working on my issues and yes you're right, I need to work on this before I can resume anything with anyone again. So you as a man, would not get too freaked out by this information? I feel for you and admire your insight and I wish you the best.

Thanks Evepm. I do appreciate it. I've also had ppl. tell me that I shouldn't tell him because my problems had nothing to do with him. I just don't want him to think I'm an angry person for no reason, because I'm really not inside. any guys opinion on this thx

I was recently going out with someone for six months. Although we really had a lot of fun together I started to pick on him for every little thing, like calling me too late or making plans with his friends without telling me first. We started spending less time together because of his traveling for work and the arguing just got worse. I was unhappy all the time because I never saw but when I did see him I wasn't very nice to him. I told him several times that I didn't think things were working out between us but he always wanted to work things out. Then I blew up at him on the street over a comment his sister made and left him standing on the corner while I drove off in a cab. Later that day over the phone, he said he couldn't handle the fighting anymore, that I had walked out on him too many times and that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. Although we have stayed in contact over email and a bit over the phone, I haven't seen him since. I didn't take this well at all even though I had been telling him I wasn't happy. I became depressed and lost almost eight pounds. It's been a month since we broke up and I've done a lot of thinking. I now know where my anger was coming from and why I'm still so sad. Years ago, I got pregnant and my boyfriend at the time insisted on an abortion even though I wasn't really sure. THen he left me for someone else shortly thereafter and I was left to deal on my own. I've never really gotten over the anger I feel towards the ex and perhaps anger at myself for being treated so badly. In my relationships since then I find myself lashing out at people that I care about for fear of getting hurt again. Even though I really want to be with them, I find myself acting like I don't care or push them away by being negative. But I really care about this last person and want to make it work. Should I tell him my "baggage" and why it cause me to act so unloving towards him? I think it might scare him off-what guy wants to deal with baggage like this? Is it too late to get him back?