ShySoul

Personally, I think too many generalizations get made and it's an easy jump from generalizing to making assumptions to sterotyping. But that's a separate topic probably best to not get into here. My point was along the same lines. Rather then focus on the sex or lack of sex, focus on the emotions behind it. Spend time together and rekindle the romance. Sex isn't the first step or the goal. It's a declaration of the love and feelings between two people. So focus on building that bond, on relating to each other.

There are no rules and every couple is different. Whatever the two of you can arrange is fine, as long as you are both happy with it. The important thing is to be together when you can (in person, phone, whatever), and enjoy the time you have.

If sex was just a means to orgasm, would you really need a partner at all? There seems to be plenty of... um, "aids" out there so you can do that solo. Yet people still tend to want a partner. So there has to be more to it. I'd say the emotional connection is the driving force behind sex. It's what gets you so worked up that you can't help yourself. It enhances the performance and can get quite passionate and intense. Guess I'm a bit of an oddball too.

The hardest part is taking the first step and admitting there is a problem. You've done that, congratulations. I've seen the dangers of alcohol and how it can mess people up. It impairs your judgement and can lead to really unhealthy and dangerous decisions. If you don't think it's safe for you to drink, then stop and stick to your decision. You'll be happier in the long term then any drink could ever provide. At the same time, don't be too hard on yourself. Life is a process of making mistakes and learning from them. Nothing too terrible happened, so be glad for that. And know that you are strong and can stay sober. We're all rooting for you. You can do it.

You are far from the first person to believe a person is someone they are not. When you care for someone, it is natural to see all the good things in them and to ignore or dismiss a lot of the negatives. It's easy to get swept up in your feelings. That doesn't make you bad or sinful. It's not God punishing you and it's nothing to feel shame over. It was a mistake, one that countless people have made. Those people weren't bad people and most were able to pick themselves up and eventually find someone who made them feel even more special, who shared their values, and who treated them way better. If someone has thought of it, there is probably someone out there that is into it. If you aren't, then it's a sign this person isn't right for you. She seems like a person with a lot to work on. On one hand she tells you that you are spirtually connected. Next conversation she is telling you that you will never be anything. That's clearly someone who is not stable or someone who truly cares about you. You are better off without her. Sending you that video was another sign of how unhealthy she is. Knowing your past, it was a way to hurt you. And that emotional hurt she is causing you is just as painful as any physical pain her proclivities have caused her. Don't have any more contact with her. Ignore her. Eventually she will tire of this, especially if she sees she can't get to you anymore. You were doing well on your way to recovery. So continue doing what you were doing. And please, don't blame yourself. Life isn't about getting knocked down, we all get knocked down. It's about picking yourself back up and pushing forward.

The song is Mean, based off a reviewer who wrote she coudn't sing. So she turned it into song about how some people are just cruel and will always be pathetic. Meanwhile, she's successful and won a Grammy for the song. Now that's perfect revenge.

I'm not a legal expert, but I don't think there would be a problem. There would have to be proof you took it from her and not some other source. There would need to be overwhelming similiaities. And I don't imagine anything you've written would be directly damaging to her. My friend was telling me recently about a video she saw where one song sampled another. Even though it seemed liked the song just copied based on listening to it, the video explained how it was perfectly fine and legal. I imagine there a lot of leeway given in the name of creative freedom.

If you don't have contact with her anymore, and especially in light of how terribly she treated you, what difference does it make what her reaction is? A person who twists everything around so that they are the victim and the other person is guilty, will do it regardless of what you say or do. Being concerned about it is still giving them power of you, handing them another opportunity to hurt you. It's not worth your time or the mental and emotional anguish. They are the one with the issue, and they are the one who will be stuck complaining over and over again. Meanwhile, you have done something to be proud of and shouldn't let the opinion of one stuck up and messed up person get to you. As for what your mutual friends think - if they are really friends they will be proud of you and happy for your success. They shouldn't let one person's opinion sway them. And they probably know what kind of person she is and to not take her ramblings to seriously. That's being a writer. You take inspiration wherever you find. I'm actually impressed. You took a crappy situation and found a way to turn it into something creative and meaningful. As you said, it's not like you copied everything from her. You took a story she told you freely on her own and used it as the genesis of something that sprung from your own mind. You have nothing to be mad at yourself for. The best revenge is moving on and not letting her nonsense get to you anymore. She'll still be stuck with her. Although part of me always has liked the idea of writing somethng and dedicating it to certain people who hurt me. Write it in such a way that it shows how little they seem to be now and how over it I am. As that great poet of our times Taylor Swift (🤨) put it: With that same big, loud opinion / But nobody's listening Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things ...But all you are is mean

Welcome back. I completely get how you feel. I also made some good friends her nearly 20 years ago and one of them remains very close to me. Posting her helped me through a very tough time, so it's special to me as well. I also agree it can be very encouraging and helpful to not just put the words to paper (or screen I guess), but to put it out there to be seen and felt. So please, bring on the onslaught. Ramble on as much as you'd like. Just hope you don't mind if I poke my nose in here and there. *And don't worry, you're not the only one living with a secret idenity. I would say more, but in the interest of national security, I must remain silent. 😉

You're not crazy, I posted a lot from 2004-2006, probably a little too much. Lol. Even posted a few poems. Life forced me to take an extended break until a few months ago. Glad to see someone else from back then. Hope the years have been kind to you. If you ever need anything, my inbox is always open.

Do we know this was passive aggresive? Do we know he was trying to make himself look like a hero while trying to irritate her? Or perhaps he just wanted to spend time with her and watch a movie together so made a suggestion that was greated with anger? Whitelotus, you're the only one here who actually knows and interacts with her. You know what your aim was in bringing up the movie or the things you say to her. And you know the pattern of her responses. So ask youself if her responses are justified or if they are a reflection of something deeper going on within her. Then ask yourself if this is something you want to deal with. As things are, it is not healthy for either of you. It's up to you to decide what you wish to do about it.

Hence why I put sexless in quotation marks. The term can mean different things to different people in terms of frequency. In this case he admits they can go four weeks (basically a month) without sex. For some people (and probably him in his current state of mind) that can at least feel like a sexless relationship. Lolo, the point here isn't sex. It's to focus on the relationship and being happy and satified with what he has. It's communicating with the partner to make sure they are both fulfilled - physically but even more so emotionally. It's about finding the love and connection that is there. Sex is but one way of demonstrating your love for someone. Rather then focus on that, focus on the infinity of other ways you can do so. Once you do that, wouldn't surprise me if it sets the mood, starts up the fire, and even leads to more sex.

https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-handle-aggressive-or-confrontational-people/ Think this might help. Understand how you are feeling about their behavior. Understand why they act this way. And be assertive in communicating your needs. "There are lots of reasons why people are confrontational or aggressive. I’d say that almost all of them come down to control. They fear losing control and/or want more control (again, from fear) in a given situation." "Think about it: someone who has high confidence and self-esteem never feels the need to threaten, lose their *** or react defensively. This aggressive person is showing you their low self-esteem and inability to manage themselves. It’s sad..." "Hold your boundary. Be clear about what specific responses you’ll have if they continue to act this way with you in this conversation, and then follow through!"

I find that to be the key revealing part of this. This isn't about you, it's about her. She has somehow got it in her mind that she has to appear tough and aggressive. To be otherwise is to be meek and show weakness. Is there anything in her past that might have caused this attiude? If she has always been this way, then this is who she is. The question you should ask yourself is how much you are willing to put up with? You can calmly try to diffuse situations as they arise, not raising to the bait of her starting these arguements. If you react in anger yourself, you are just giving her fuel to continue being more aggressive in order to prove (mostly to herself) how "strong" she is. You can tiptoe around yourself, afraid to say anything for fear of starting another fight. Or you can examine if this relationship is really healthy for you. If simply suggesting a movie as a way to spend time together is a landmine that will set her off, how will you be able to handle the really tough issues that come in relationships?

https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/are-sexless-marriages-and-relationships-normal.aspx By the way, "sexless" relationships are not uncommon and not a sign of something wrong with the relationship. Plenty of couples are perfectly happy together despite infrequent sex. Some couples even prefer sleeping in separate bedrooms. The important thing is to communicate your feelings with your partner and figure out what works for the two of you.

It's emotional for men as well. Sex isn't just about the physical act. It is the emotional, mental, and spiritual connection between partners that truly makes it a special and mind blowing experience. Rather then focus on sex, focus on building that connection and rekindling the spark of romance. Spend more time together. Do sweet little surprise gestures to show you are thinking of each other. Pull from the past and find those romantic moments when everything felt perfect. Have those deep conversations that show you really care for each other and can talk about anything and everything. You'll find yourself drawn to each other on a more intimate, personal level. You'll probably end up enjoying it on it's own without the sex, and there's a greater chance that spark will find it's way into the bedroom as well. As I've always said, stimulate the heart and mind, and the body will follow. Also, don't compare yourself to anyone else. Everyone's situation is different and appearances can be deceiving. Yes, he may seem to have a wild and great life on the outside. But who says he is happy about it on the inside? Sex with different random women sounds great in fantasyland, but in real life those people tend to be quite lonely. They never experience the full depth of love. On the other hand, you have someone you've been with for a long time. You get to know there is someone there for you each day, someone who cares about you and who knows you inside and out. He may experience a woman's touch, but you get to experience the full power of a woman's love.

Glad things have gotten better for you. Sometimes people don't realize just how much their actions, even seemingly innocent ones, affect those around them. But I think given the chance, most people are willing to say they are sorry and work on making things better. You just need to communicate and talk with each other. Hope things continue well for both of you. And may you show that game whose boss!

Is there any other reason you would be thinking of moving on from him? Because a person not writing detailed texts doesn't seem like a substantial reason to call it quits. I don't text at all as I prefer actually talking and hearing a persons voice. And I always thought the point of text was a short, quick message. Long messages are for emails. Regardless, I don't think I would be very happy if someone rejected me based solely on my preferred communication style. Rather then focus on one thing, look at the entire relationship. Do you enjoy spending time together? Do you have a lot in common - similar interests or values? Does he overall treat you well, with kindness and respect? Do you make each other smile and laugh? Does he make the effort to spend time with you, finding ways to show he is thinking of you? Those are the things that matter. If he's making an effort to do those things, then he is showing he's there. And those things are far more meaningful and touching then any length of text.

Back in the old days there was a forum just for poetry. Where ever you want to post it, keep it up because I'd like to read more. Some of the most magical moments I've experienced have come simply from gazing into someone's eyes. It really was like a infinity of possibilities opening up to me in that moment. Either that or I was traveling through the multiverse. 😁

When are things good? Because it doesn't sound like that could be a very high amount of the time. You admit to lying to her. You were still in a relationship with someone when you started seeing her. It's understandable that someone might not feel like they could trust you after that. In the future, it's always best to be honest and to focus on one person at a time. As you can see, the cost of not doing that is much worse. On the other hand, she is more focused on revenge then on actually having a healthy relationship. She wants you to suffer, and staying with her is giving her that goal. No relationship should be damaging to a person's mental well being. Both of you are being damaged by this. Take time on our own to reflect on the experience and mature from it. When you find the right relationship, remember it should lift you up, not drag you down. You should be focused on making the other person as happy as they make you feel, not on how everything always feels miserable.

Kim, I was the male in this situation a couple years ago. My downstairs neighbor apparently thought I was cute and wanted to get to know me, but was too shy to say anything. One day I returned home from work to find a note taped to my door saying she liked my hair and wanting to know about me. After some initial confusion (wait, this is really happening to me!?), I thought about it and found it sweet and charming. We exchanged a few letters that way. Unfortunately she stopped communicating when she found out our age difference, eventually leaving one last note. Oh well, at least I will always have a neighbor story to entertain people with now. 🙄 If you are nervous in person, you could leave a note. You don't have to be as forward as in my situation, maybe just ask if he needs anything or offer your assistance. Maybe say you enjoyed talking with him and to say hi if you see each other so you can chat some more. As far as talking in person, I'll second mylolita's tips. Try not to be nervous. He's just a guy and may be just as nervous as you. Ask open ended questions to get him talking. That can help take some pressure off of you. Hopefully you can find something in common and use that as a jumping off point for future conversations. Hope things go well. Relax, breathe, and remember you can do it.

I was once in a position where I was interested in someone who had been hurt from a past relationship. She had trust issues. I could have stopped things early and probably avoided a lot of hurt. But I would have also missed out on some of the best experiences I had ever had. It ultimately didn't work out, but I wouldn't have had done things any other way. We were meant to be in each others life, if only for that time. She needed my support to him her through those trust issues. And I needed her for where I was at in my life. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and go where the heart takes you. Relationships happen when it's right. Just keep talking to each other as friends and see how you both feel. If there is more there, you will eventually sense it. And if you don't, the worse that happens is you keep a good friend. But also don't try to force anything that either of you aren't feeling.

Everyone gets lonely and wishes they had that special someone to be with them. It's understandable. It makes us human. And I'm sure single parents do have it harder finding someone. But there are guys out there who wouldn't mind a relationship with a single mom. Maybe I'm biased, but I look to my family. My father got with my mom when she already had two boys. One of my brothers got with a woman when she already had two girls. Both couples ended up getting married. So it's not impossible to find someone. What you are missing is the closeness, the companionship. After a long day of work, household chores, and running after a child, you can't help but think how nice it would be to have someone there to share things with, to help you through all the madness. You want someone just to talk to and to hold you, letting you feel safe and know that it will all be alright. And yes, sex would be nice too. But mindblowing sex isn't going to fill the rest of the emptyness inside you. You need more, which is why seeing this guy is ultimately not fulfilling. Be strong enough to end things if it's not giving you what you need. And you are strong. Any woman who can be a single mom is strong, certainly strong enough to tell a man she wants more then casual sex. From there, take time to focus on you. Do you get moments to yourself? Maybe have family who can babysit once a week so you can have an evening off to recharge? If you want you can try dating. Or you can just do something for you. See a movie/play. Shop. Take a hike. Do anything that takes your mind off the lonliness, off the responsibilities, and is simply fun and makes you happy.

Don't settle for the minimum, and certainly don't accept less. We each deserve someone who will value and respect us as the unique indivuduals we are, someone who will treat us special. When you've really found the one, they will treat you extra well because they will know just how extraordinary you are. Stay positive. Better days, and better guys, are out there.

It's never fair to compare people against each other. Each person is an individual and should be judged on their own merits. So take each case individually. If S does not inspire those butterflies, then he is not ticking every box. There may not be anything "wrong." It doesn't have to be him or you, it could simply be that you are better suited as friends. As for B, why can't he be in the equation? If you both have feelings for each other, then why deny those feelings? Yes, circumstances would dictate a long distance relationship for now. Yes, that would require some work and adjustments on both ends. And yes, it wouldn't always be easy. But plenty of people have done it and made it work. In the end, always follow your heart. If your heart is leaning in one direction, you owe it to yourself to see where that leads. It may work out, it may not. But you'll know for sure and won't have to look back and wonder "what if?" In the long run, you won't regret it.