So I (F23) did a big overseas trip and I met a boy, let’s call him B (M22). B and I shared a kiss and exchanged numbers and hung out a little bit in the following few days before our journey parted ways. We planned to meet in B’s country as I was going to go there for a little trip once we were both done travelling. We kept in contact in the mean time.
When I arrived home, I started dating again and met S (M25). We went on a few dates and I do really like him however I am still unsure of my feelings for him.
When my mini trip came around I got to spend time with B and I think I may have developed some more feelings for him. When I got back home I continued seeing S and he asked me to be exclusive. I decided that yes, I really want to give this a chance.
I was honest with B about S and asked if he would be interested in keeping in contact as friends instead. He said he wasn't comfortable with that because he likes me, and likes talking as more than friends. He also said that he knew it would probably not work out given we live so far. I agreed that that was fair so we decided to stop the messaging.
I now realise that I may still have a crush/feelings for B. But the thing is he cannot even be in the equation. He’s right, it wouldn’t work (at least for now unless I moved to where he is which is a possibility in a few years). Yet I can’t stop thinking about him - and I keep getting the urge to message him about inside jokes, things I do or see that remind me of things we've talked about etc.
Now with S he ticks every single box. But I feel like we do not share the same chemistry/banter than B and I do. S is such a sweet and amazing person and I cannot understand why I don’t have those “butterfly” / excited feelings for him. I don't get excited to message him or see him. It's nice when we are together. But it's just that, it simply just nice. When we are apart I just feel confused and unsure of the connection. This usually happens to me when things become even the slightest bit serious in relationships. So I’m unsure if it’s a result of a suspected avoidant/fearful attachment style and it’s being triggered by S being so available and B not, or if we just don’t share the same amount of chemistry.
Should I keep trying with S and see if feelings develop more? Or should I stop wasting his time? I don't know what to do.
