ShySoul

Sometimes saying your feelings isn't about getting the answer you want, its about clearing the air and getting things off your chest. Of course you would rather hear they like you as well and you can have the happy ever after. But often it doesn't work out. I wouldn't view it as a rejection, rather him not having the same feelings. He, as most people would, tried to take the easy way out without hurting your feelings. You gave him an opening in saying he didn't need to respond, so he took it. Doesn't mean he is a bad guy or that he doesn't care about you at all, just not up to the level of interest you have in him. There may be an awkward stage where you are both adjusting to this getting out in the open, but there is no reason you can't still be friends if you like. If he is the nice guy you've said, he'll still be nice to you. That's why saying what you are feeling is a good thing. Before there was the lingering doubt. You weren't sure. Now you can say you took your shot and know how it turned out. I still kick myself for not confessing feelings when I was younger. You won't have that regret. You'll see that it wasn't as bad as you might have imagined and find that you can survive. And next time, it might be a little easier. Having crushes can be exciting and scary all at once. Be proud of yourself. You went on the rollercoaster and came out ok on the end. Eventually there will come a guy who feels just as strongly for you.

No, what I'm saying is that our attitude determines what we get out of the world. Perception shapes reality. At one point I was just as fustrated as you. I was a little older then you and had zero success in finding someone I could relate to or who was interested in me. I allowed myself to be filled with regret and lonliness. I blamed myself for not being able to speak up more when I did like someone. I cursed myself for being different. And at times I wondered why none of the women I was around could just take a moment to appreciate all the things I had to offer. You know where that got me? Bitter and alone. And even if there was someone who would have liked me, my attitude would have turned them off. In seeing the world in a dark way, in not believing something was possible, I shut the door on myself. Then a wise woman told me I was a good, caring person and told me to believe in myself. She said to not worry about it and be happy just being me. She said that eventually someone would come along who would appreciate everything I could offer. I listened to her advice and stopped trying. I didn't try to find anyone or make that my priority. I learned to just be happy on my own and embrace my full self. Not long after that, things turned around and girls noticed me. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. The only things I've ever really wanted in my life are: 1. To help people. 2. To find someone who loves and understands me and who I can spend my life with. But love finds you in its own time, when it wants to. When you put so much focus on it that it makes you miserable, then you aren't doing yourself any favors. Your bringing suffering upon youself that you don't need to. Just because you don't have someone now, doesn't mean you are doomed forever. But the angrier you become, the more you close yourself off from the chance of anything good happening. I just don't want to see you imprison yourself in that lonliness.

You're right women don't need dating apps. For that matter, men don't need dating apps. No one really needs them. There are all kinds of ways to meet people. If that way isn't working for you, don't do it. Dating apps are run by corporations. A corporations number one objective is to make profit, not to find you the love of your life. And if you do find that love, then you don't need their service and they can't profit off of you anymore. Can you meet someone that way? Sure. But it's not the companies goal. They want to dangle that elusive carrot just out of reach while giving you the hope that you'll reach it. They want you to increase your odds with premium services. And they want you to constantly be ready with another option so you don't put to much stock in any one person. Dating and finding someone is not easy for a person of any gender. Do you think it's easy for women to deal with men who are misogynistic? Do you think they all love knowing there will be men objectfying them based solely on how they look or the outfit they wear? Do you think they are happy that guys will call them entitled or claim they have it easy without knowing anything they might have gone through? And there are men who are just as superficial as the girls you say you have met. There are male "influencers" and there are men who just want to find a way to "score" with another girl. At this point, maybe it is best to just not look for a relationship at all? Maybe embrace being single and the advantages that come with it? Dating shouldn't make you upset or bitter. It should be a fun experience. If you aren't having fun, don't do it. Live your own life and do things that are fun and make you happy. At the end of the day, we have to live with and be happy with ourselves. A relationship is a nice addition, but it is us that will ultimately give us the most fulfillment.

It is honerable and noble that you care for your family to the degree you seem to. However, the problem with being the reliable one that everyone turns to is that they will always turn to you. You have unfortunately been saddled with people who would rather complain about things and depend on you then take the steps they need to do care for themselves. It's not your fault. They are the ones who refuse to take care of themseles. You are not responsible for them or their actions. And you have ever right to be fustrated with them. The only thing you are guilty of is having a big heart and wanting to help your family. At this point, your mother would be better off on her own, away from your sister. That arrangement has long been passed the expiration point and you can't be the one to always resolve things. Your sister is an adult who should be able to take care of herself or live with the consequences of her decisions. Does your mother get social security? My mother is in her late 60s and relatives just helped her to find a senior living center that was income based and thus cheaper. Perhaps there is something similar in the area? It might also be good for her to be around people her age, people she is more likely to relate to and who probably won't come with all the issues and baggage your sister seems to carry.

When I was around your age I had never had a serious relationship. I wasn't social and had all of two people I thought of us a friend. My family background was a bit of a mess. And my examples of male guidance weren't exactly the best role models. I could maybe learn a few good things if I looked hard enough, but generally they taught me what not to do. I too struggled with feeling worthy at times. What helped me was realizing I didn't a need a role model or guidance. I didn't need therapy or a professional to help me. I didn't even need a romantic relationship. I needed to be me. Everything I needed was within me and had been within me all along. Just as it is within you. I stopped thinking I had to be a certain way or have these experiences that I saw others having. I focused on being who I was and doing what I enjoyed. I stuck to being my real authentic self. I embraced my natural skills and found happiness in living my life as I wanted to, on my own. This caused me to have more confidence in myself as I was doing things that made me feel good about myself and my life. I was focused on being positive and not dwelling on all the negative. Having that confidence lead me speaking out more on the things I believed in. It lead me to helping others. And it lead to multiple women noticing me. They became interested in me for the person I was. And I didn't get there by following anyone's example. All I needed to do was fully embrace being me and let my light shine. To often people get so focused on needing to fix themselves or trying to act the way they are supposed to act. Don't do that. You aren't broke and don't need to be fixed. You are you, the person who have always been and are suppose to be. So be proud of that. Be proud of who you are. Life your life the way you want to, the way that makes you happy. Once you do, the rest will take care of itself.

If these are your feelings, then they are your feelings. I don't think people are wrong for feeling hurt or upset. Each person handles things in a different way, a way that is right for them. Each person has their own way of processing and working through their emotions. So don't feel bad for the way you feel. You called this person a best friend. When you use that label to describe someone, it comes with certain hopes and expectations. To lose that friendship or to watch it drift away awakens a lot of conflicting emotions inside you. Their is confusion over what happened. Their is hurt and a sense of abandoment over them not wanting to keep in touch. This is the feeling that you might have done something wrong or be to blame. There might be anger at them for not trying like you feel you have. I felt all of that when my best friend stopped responding to me. So it's okay if you feel that way. Then you add on the extra layer of your family. For them to spend time with this person is like a betrayal from all parties. That's especially true if they knew how much you were hurting. No one wants to feel left out. And here are the people who are supposed to be closest to you, leaving you out. Again, it's okay to feel sad and hurt. If it is bothering you, then I believe it's always best to talk it out. It's not healthy to keep your feelings in. For your own sake, have an honest talk about it. Express your feelings. Sometimes just getting it out there helps to clear the air and relieve you of the stress and burden these emotions have on you and can weigh you down. I would keep in mind that it's probably not intentional. People generally don't do things like this to specifically hurt a person. Usually it's born out of ignorance. They are probably just focused on how they have a good time together and don't realize what it's doing to you. In the meantime, focus less on those who aren't around, and more on the ones who are. Your fiance, baby, and sister seem to care a lot about you. So let their love be your strength.

Staying together "for the kids" is generally just as damaging as not being together. Take that from someone who's parents argued and had problems for years. I don't think it was a coincidence that the summer after my first year of college was when they decided to get a divorce. My mother stayed long enough to see her last son into adulthood and start to spread his wings, then decided she couldn't stay in a marriage she wasn't happy in. But I could always tell neither of my parents were really happy. I heard the fights. I could sense their moods and feelings. Even if you think you are being careful to shield them, children are perceptive and can pick up on things. If they weren't able to fix the problems, I would have much preferred my parents to split long before they did. It could have saved everyone years of anger, fustration, and heartache. What to do will ultimately be a personal decision based upon what would do the most good for the majority of the family. Based on what you've said, I would lean to moving near her parents. Keeping with the children being the highest priority, it would provide a better educational opportunity for them. As you said, it may do your wife some good to have the love and support of family near by. It could help relieve her of some stress and may give the two of you a chance to start over and really work on things. But even if you can't salvage the marriage, having those other things will still be beneficial in the long term.

Foreverblue, do what you have to do to heal and take care of yourself. Go at the pace that you are comfortable with. Know that it's a journey, not a lightswitch. Feelings don't just disappear and can't be turned off at a moments notice. Just don't lose sight of what's important, taking care of yourself. If need be, remind yourself of how he wasn't ready for the kind of relationship you wanted. Know that better guys are out there. Explore your new area. Find ways to have fun. I believe you won't be blue forever, that you'll find a way to be happy.

If you want to have game, stick to video games and board games. Forget what any website, article, book, or person will tell you. You know who you are and you know the person you want to be. Be that person. The right person will understand who you are and appreciate you for it.

Thank you! Yes, it would be wonderful if pregnancy always happened to a married couple who were financially sound and lived an ideal life with no problems or worries. But that's not real life. Unplanned pregnancies happen. But regardless of what the circumstances leading to it is, the birth of a child is still a miracle in itself. So the best thing for the women is to be supportive. She already has enough worries and stress with what is going inside her and with the commitment she is making for the rest of her life to raising this child. She needs comfort and help, not accusations or speculation. People are going to think whatever they think. The only people's opinions who matter though are mama, daddy, and baby. If they are happy, that's good enough for me.

Check with a local college about financial aid or a work/study program. I was able to get scholarships to help me out. I don't know what the system is like over there, but I'm sure they would want students to be able to get an education and would be able to help you work out a plan that fits your particular needs. Where are you currently living? I lived at home and went to a college nearby to cut down on those costs. Would your parents at least be willing to do that much, or are they insistant about not helping out in any way? And why are they refusing to help? I would hope parents would be happy to see their child trying to get an education to help their future.

Pretending to be someone you are not doesn't tend to work out anyway. At the end of the day, we are who we are. The real you will show through. The constant effort it takes to put on the facade will just drain on you and drive you crazy. You can't keep it up forever. And odds are you won't know how to do it well. You'll just be more nervous, risk saying or doing the wrong thing, and possibly create more problems then you started with. So why bother? Be honest with them, be honest with yourself. Just be you. Again, those who talk about having game are usually the ones with the least game. They make everything into a contest, a battle for control in the relationship. They have to act a certain way, insist on doing things that often amount to emotional manipulation. Really, it's just a way to protect fragile egos. The advice I've always given is to not worry about having game. Instead, be the game. Be a new game where none of the silly rules or expectations of how you are supposed to behave matter. The only rules are to be honest, respectful, and to believe in yourself.

Vectorman, I felt the same way about dating when I was your age and that was before the rise of social media and the internet. I was 22 before there was even a chance at anything with a girl. And I've been fighing on forums against a lot of the same absurd advice you've heard for nearly two decades. There is a lot of bad advice thrown out there, so the best thing I can tell you is to follow your own path and listen to what your heart tells you is right. The interesting thing about the guys who talk about being an alpha is how they tend to just repeat the same lines someone else has said. If they were an alpha, they wouldn't need to follow someone else. They wouldn't need to form a pack and regurgitate the same nonsense. And while some girls will go for the bad boy thing, they tend to tire of it quickly as it only ends up hurting them. They eventually settle down with the nice guy who treats them with respect. So be nice from the start. That will actually set you apart from a lot of guys. And I've always said I don't want to be an alpha, I want to be the omega - as in the last guy she will ever be with, the one she picks for life. At least, that's the hope. I have been told by multiple women that they don't care, that what counts is the connection you feel with each other. There are some women who may even like the idea of being the more experienced one, of being the one to teach him things and give him these experiences. I knew women who were virgins in their mid and late 20's who were waiting for the right person and who loved the thought of finding a man who felt the same, being able to share the experience together, possibly being the only ones who they would ever be with. Sex is a personal matter. What anyone else thinks of it doesn't matter. What counts is what you want. Do you really want to lose it to someone you don't know or don't care for? Personally, I think it is a special thing that should be with someone you love. It's an emotional, even spiritual act. I can't imagine just sharing that with anyone. I have a feeling you might feel similarly. You don't have to see someone a particular way. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to act a certain way. You just have to be you. Dating/love/relationships don't have rules you have to follow. Every person is different. What works for you will be different then works for me or for anyone else. So do what makes you happy. The goal is to find someone who fits with you, so wouldn't you want to be yourself? As long as you aren't harming yourself or others, do what comes naturally and things will work out for the best.

Sorry it didn't work out for you. Sometimes a person can be wonderful in some ways, but off in others. You deserve all those memories and to be courted the way you want. Somewhere out there is a guy who will be a better fit, who will want the same things you do. For now, just focus on building a life for you and being happy with yourself. Enjoy the new job. See the move as a chance to start fresh, putting this guy behind you. Hope thngs go well and know where all still here if you need some more help or a little pick me up.

Someone who loves you will uplift you, not put you down. They will work with you instead of blaming and attacking you. They will accept responsibility for their actions instead of making it about how you need to change. They will make you feel better, help you find strength to do more instead of making feel lesser, only half a person. Love should not make you feel sad all the time. It's not your fault for loving or caring. Those are good things. But you do seem to be caring for someone who isn't able or willing to reciprocate. Relationships are a two way street, needing each person to put in the effort. He isn't doing that "If you love someone, let them go." In this case, love yourself enough to let him go. You deserve to feel whole again and as long as he is there to keep tearing you down, you'll never feel whole.

Wait a minute. A reality dating show failed to produce a couple that worked out in the long run? Next thing you'll be telling is that the winner of a singing competition hasn't become a Grammy Award winning artist. Outside of a handful of exceptions (probably when these types of shows were still new), do these things ever work out? I imagine the sucess rate has to be pretty terrible. It's really more about people trying to grab their fifteen minutes of fame. Well, that producers figuring out an easy way to make some profit.

If your going full steam ahead all the time and always have to be doing something, you'll eventually burn out from exhaustion and stress. Taking a day to relax and recharge is best for your physical and mental health. It does make you more productive and overall more pleasant and happy. A long time ago I read somewhere that you shouldn't do the same thing for more then two hours at a time. I think that's supposed to keep you more active and better focused. So if I'm at work I'll take a quick break every couple hours to stretch or take a walk. I'll allow myself to watch a show, but limit it to an episode or two so I don't sit there all day and do nothing else. Just a thought Keep up the good work.

I've noticed people in general tend to talk more about themselves then asking for about others, particularly the more extroverted they are. That doesn't necessarily make them bad or self absorbed. It may just be the way his brain works. For some people it's like a race to get the next word in. They are so focused on saying something, that pausing and listening is a foreign concept. A person like that would naturally enjoy the company of good listener as you describe yourself. It's possible he is self aborbed and arrogant. It's possible he is simply clueless of certain social graces and blissfully is content in his own head. He seems to like keeping things simple - not wanting a complex relationship, not being aware of cultural differences. He doesn't even want to know basic things about his closest friends. The issue shouldn't be what he is thinking, it's what is okay for you. Would you be okay with a relationship in the future? Are you okay with the friendship as it is right now? Do you feel he is paying you enough attention and actually cares about what you have to say? Are you comfortable being someone who inititates more and makes sure your voice is heard if he isn't asking you more questions? Do you expect the other person to be asking certain questions? If you aren't okay with his lack of being inquistive, are you okay with bringing the topic up? Regardless of this being a friendship or more, you have to be okay with the person he is and if its a good fit for you. So take a good look at things. If you are happy with it, then just enjoy. If you aren't happy, then figure out what would make you happy and try to make it a reality.

Each person is responsible for the choices they make. You did not make him sleep with another girl while he was still in a relationship with you. You did not make him disrespect you. You did not make him follow half naked girls, even when he knew it upset you. You did not make him lie. He choose all of those actions on his own, of his own free will. When you care about someone it is very tempting to focus on all the good qualtites and ignore the bad. He may have been wonderful at times. But he was also a liar and a cheater who, in your own words, "didn't make me feel respected." A truly good person who loves you would not repeatedly disrespect you. They would not dismiss your feelings, instead being compassionate enough to listen to you and do things to help you feel at ease. They wouldn't need some social media girl, they would enjoy the beautiful, wonderful person they are with. You said you constantly had doubts. Maybe you should trust your first instinct, that this relationship was ultimately wrong. Better guys are out there, ones who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

He's texting you and wanting to spend time with you because he thinks you are a cool person, a good friend, and someone's company he enjoys. He feels comfortable with you, can talk to you, and has fun with you. If he hasn't made a move beyond that, no reason to speculate further. If you enjoy being around him as well, then keep hanging out together. Figure out what it is you want and go with that. Should things start moving towards being more then friends, you'll feel it. You'll know. Then just go where those feelings take you.

Hi CuriousKitten. I'll throw in my support for your project. This is really a great idea and something a lot of people could benefit from (myself included). You're a planner, which is going to benefit you greatly. Just don't be too hard on yourself. Be honest, but try to stay positive. Congratulations on passing the test and hope you had an awesome birthday.

Hey Lolita! As someone prone to analyse and who really prefers closure, I totally get wanting a solid reason. Unfortunately that's not something we always get to control. If the other side is unwilling or unable to provide a clear answer, only thing you can do is say you're peace and try to move on. It can be a fustrating world. Guess I've just learned to keep expectations low, hoping for the best, but prepared for the worse. See what you're saying about someone feeling like they are being let on. Really does depend on the person though. I don't think I would be expecting too much. Then again, I probably move like a snail compared to most people, so it would probably be her wishing I would hurry up. Like the way you would have handled it from her perspective. Honest and fair. Hmm. I'd say a person's natural tendency would be to say/do what they mean. But people learn certain behaviors that they think will other protect them (or someone else) or is something they are supposed to be doing. Of course that's all up to the individual as well. Some are brutally honest. Some never give a straight answer. And people are all points in between. Kind of makes you wonder how anyone ever connects given all the variances in how people think.

That's a pefectly natural fear. Finding out they are with someone else is like that final slam of the door that says it's over and you should give up all hope. It makes you question why this other person gets the love that you couldn't. You wonder what they have that you don't. You can be doing well but hearing that would bring everything right back to the surface. I once loved someone with all my heart. She stopped things between us. Within a month she had not only started seeing someone else, she got engaged to him. A month after that she messages me to say hi and proceeds to tell me she got married. If anything will rip you apart, tearing the heart right from your chest, it's that. I honestly felt like the world had ended and there was no point in going on. But a funny thing happened, I did go on. I hurt for a long time. It wasn't easy. But I recovered. Now I can look back on that and see that she wasn't right for me. I can see that the experience helped me grow as a person and that I was stronger then I thought I was. I met someone even better. Meanwhile she admitted her marriage was a mistake. If you want to avoid him, do what makes you feel best. But know that you are stronger then you think you are. You will survive this and flourish one day. You will grow as a person and one day you will look back and learn from it all. And hopefully someone better will be out there for you as well. I believe in you, so believe in yourself.

Marmar, none of us here are professionals on this topic. If you want help please go here: https://www.rainn.org/. They can help you far better as the whole point of the organization is to raise awareness of sexual assault/rape. They can advise what your options are or point you in the right direction. They can help you through whatever emotions you might be feeling. April is actually Sexually Assualt Survivors and Prevention Month, so I'm sure they would be happy to assist you.

From what I've heard the body can become sexually aroused and react accordingly, even if the person is scared to death. There can exist a disconnect between the mind and body. https://theestablishment.co/i-didnt-want-to-be-aroused-by-my-sexual-assault-but-i-was/index.html "As it turns out, many individuals describe feeling arousal and pleasure during sexual assaults. In one study—“Problems With Sexuality After Sexual Assault”—21% of women said they had a “physical response” to their assaults, and 10% felt attracted to their perpetrators. Additional research and clinical reports suggest that four to five percent of women have reported orgasm during sexual assault, but the numbers could be higher because people may not report this, according to a paper in the Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine." A lot of this is how so many guys can get away with rape/sexual assualt with no consequences. A woman convinces herself that he is really a good guy (based off of manipulative things he has said to them) so it was a mistake and he didn't really mean it or it didn't really happen that way. Some women convince themselves that they were responsible. And a lot of times women get told they were responsible or are lying. Some people don't have a good support system to encourage them to take action. Even when reported, there is a huge backlog in processing rape kits, so justice can be delayed and denied for ages.