craigblitz

Bro does it matter what she wants at this point. I am sorry but it is about what you want. You owe her jack crap, nothing at all. If you can handle being friends be a friend. If you don't want to be friends then don't. Be honest and direct.. I am stealing this from Shocked " Seeing how this break up was not mutual I do not see how friends is going to be an option right now". If she ask why more be honest, be like I love you and don't want to be your pal. Buddy at this point you being 100% selfish is ok, because why not and what do you have to lose. Good luck

I fully agree Fletch things are looking great. I also think that your own advice is wonderful "Despite these positive signals, I don't want to pressure her. I am going to play it cool. I am going to let her lead on any communications." It is a HUGE plus sign that she want to see the counselour...why waste her time and yours if she was not serious. I also think you made a bad situation great by going to lunch. Again another encounter with positives memories, what more could you have hope for on that day. That was a complete bonus since you were not going to see her anyway. As you seem to remind me all the time... Patience.... little at a time. Boy I preach that so well..... but the whole practice what you preach... different story

Update: What a flipp'n weird, wonderful, What the heck just happened night... I was at my neighbors house shooting the breeze with him then I see the ex come to my house with some more of my clothes. I run out and say hi. She hands them to me and I said thanks. She said I bought you a little something, it was an Poncho with my favorite team on it. I was like wow thanks a lot (it was really nice). Shen then said hey would you mind if I used the restroom before I go, I said of course not. I was putting some clothes in the dryer and she came out and said do you have any plans tonight. I said not till later, but noting definite that is for sure. She said want to come test drive some cars with me? I said sure. That was really fun, it was like we were a couple. She kept wanting me to do all the talking, etc. There was a lot of playful touching done on her part she smacked my butt a couple of times held my hand boxed around with me so on..... She then said thanks for being such a great sport that was fun. I said it was fun thank you. We were driving home and she said I am starving I know you have to be. I said yeah I am, she said if you have time lets get some dinner. I said I am game. Went to dinner, while we were waiting she would hold my hand, then back off, put her head on my shoulder, back off. It was kind of weird, but I knew what was going on. I came back from using the restroom and she said damn Craig you are really handsome, when did that happened??? I said the second you started looking at me again....lol. Then as we sit down my cell goes off again. She said damn how many g/f's do you have now.. I blew it off and said like you know no girls are calling me. She is like BS, 2 girls at work asked for your number the day you came in with your son. I said sweet did you hook me up, she was like yeah something like that.....lol. Since I was getting some mixed vibes from her and still no response to the email I told her that I would like to know where she stands. I said if you are 100% sure you want to be friends that is great, but I need several months to turn the love switch to friend switch on. She said well I can do that. I said ok, I would like that then, then she said I can't... she said I love you Craig. I am just scared, I can never go through this break up again... I said I know and I realize that, it has taken a huge toll on me. I said at the same time, I know you love me, and I love you. The issue we have is sort of complicated, something that she does have to have faith in me and trust, not a bad habit or anything. I said this puts me in a horrible spot because I can not proof anything to you, you just have to trust me. She was like I know and you have never broken that trust before, but I am still just scared. At this point what more can be said, so I kissed her head and said well just let me know when you know, I want to you feel no pressure and do what is best for you. All in all a great dinner though, lots of laughs and etc... Drive home was nice, she pulled in and kissed me. I said hey want to come in and chill for a while. She was like I am not sure, I said cool kissed her and was walking to the house. She turned off truck and followed me in. We chilled on the love seat, I told her I love you. I said I know that might not be what you want to hear, but I said I am not going to act different then who I am and what I feel. She laughed and said it all about you huh... I said yep....lol I again told her this deserves a second change, but lets do it slow.... Said she is not 100% sure if she wants to be friends, and not 100% sure to be a couple....lol At this point I understand her feelings, because I am not 100% sure. She said lets go watch tv in bed, ok. We kiss yadda yadda. Next thing you know I am giving her a massage with oil. Then after that you can most likely fill in the rest. We feel asleep for a couple of hours then I woke her up and said she needs to get going. At this point I do not want no awkward feelings so I kiss her and say be safe getting home. She said I will call when I get in. Shen called, then 20 minutes later text and said thank you for the fun night, sleep good The whole encounter was awsome... I am not confused or stressed or anything. I also realize nothing has changed really, she is still scared and I still need tons of patience. I think I am still going to back off and let her remember this good time for a while. Sorry it was so long, but maye there is something to learn in all this... I really have no idea what it might be, but it might be helpful to someone out there....

I agree with Beec on this one.. A simple just thinking of you and wanted to say hi..... Nothing wrong with that... Everyone likes be thought of right.... Then she might put 2 and 2 together and that is a win win...

hahah I agree... but that is what I am glad she called. Text and IM are so impersonal and annoying.. Like if a friend text and is like yo we are drinking here if you want to catch up... Conversations on them are just stupid....

But believe this....Forgiveness is divine. Take that and run with it.... VERY FEW people actually have the power to forgive and forgive freely. They might say they do, but they do not... You do this and life will be soooo good for you.

Hey ShamrockLover... I wish any of us could tell you why she called, but you know we can't. There are some optimist here, and some pestimist here so you know all the responses will vary. Also, you will drive yourself insane trying to figure out why so and so is doing something. Literally insane, trust me I was and sometimes get in that boat. I am not saying there is nothing to take away from this. The positives, she called which means she is thinking of you. Has no problem going to a concert with you, another great sign. I also think you handled yourself really well on the phone, didn't bring back the memories of tense times what was done was done, and you made her remember some of the good things in the realtionship. So, my advice..... Chalk that little encounter as a win and be happy about it. It sounds like you may be getting into the boat many of us are in, so be ready to patient like you have never been patient before.... Good Luck my man.

Update: Sent a couple of messages while I was online, I responded then logged off. Later in the evening she text me a couple of times, I responded to 1, but the others I couldn't because I was out on a date. At about 11:00 she called just to say hi and see how I was doing etc... A couple things from the conversation... I think there may have been another guy right after the break up. She said hey I still have your baseball mit, I said no worries I bought another one for the softball season anyway. She was like why didn't you just come down and get it, I was like I didn't know where it was. She said yeah I don't have my glve anymore either.. I said where is it.. she said at some jerks house. I said why don't you get it, she said no he is a total (fill in) and never want to see him again. I added 1 and 1 there. No biggie, but I wonder if he had anything to do with the break up. Asked what I thought of her sisters new b/f. I said I really liked him. She said the family agreed he was really nice. Her dad said he was right up there with Craig. She said that made her feel like a real a*ho * l *e. Her brother just got dumped by his g/f. So Sunday night they burned all the things she got him, and her sister got a lot of things from exes to burn and so did my ex. I was like nice, she said I didn't burn anything of yours, I promise. I said I guess it does't matter, she said it does and she could never do that. That did kind of make me feel good, but as far as I know she could hae torched everything....lol All in all a nice exchange (verbal not electronic yeah!!). My question here, should I still be doing NC for fear of being roped in as S&D put it? At this point I feel she knows everything on how I feel and I was direct to her about being friends. I said if that is what you want then leave me be for a little while. I agree with Muneca if she wanted things to end she could have right then and there. She did tell me she was going to think hard about everything so who knows. I really wish I wouldn't have told her not to respond to that email, but on the same token if she did respond it could have been a bunch of I do not knows anyway. Everyone, have a great day.. All those still hurting hang in there we are all here for you. All those in the land of confusion aka grey area.... Hang tight.

Not suprsing but I totally agree with S&D and Fletch on this one. The grey area is a scary place to be because you were in a balck or white area with your ex at one time. To sum it up in a few words spin the grey area to be a positive for you. In fact if you look at what they just told you it is not much of a spin there are a lot of positves there.

A little update and question: She sent me a couple of text just saying hi and so fourth.. About 10pm I sent one saying I hope you are feeling better good night No reply until 3:30 am and she Said I am doing good, goodnight. I am taking this as she was out and probally a little tipsy. As you know I sent her that email just rehasing everything I said this weekend, I love you, want to move slow, if you want to be friends leave me alone for while, etc...After I sent it, I kind of wished I wouldn't have. So I text her and said don't worry about the email I sent it says everything I have said to you so no worries on replying back. I figured this would take off any of the pressure she may have had, but now it kind of leaves me in no mans land again, but not as much as before. She knows where I stand about being friends.. that is fine but leave me alone for several months. I know she didn't read the email till last night. I was assuming that she read it and wanted to be friends and she was respecting my wishes, but then I get a reply back to my text. I guess nothing changes, I still have to be patient and see what happeneds, but I kind of hope she does let me know. Regardless of what she says I know it is actions that matter so no biggie. Do you think I should ask her to reply again, or let it die and just see what she does? I am still feeling like a million bucks and would be happy with either outcome so I am thinking I should let it die. Thanks everyone in advance!!

Bro.. silence at this point is your best friend.... Why show your cards at a poker game... As you play you learn what signals to trust and which to toss to the side... Does that make sense.... Plus if you tell her that she might clam up a little in your next interaction knowing that you are reading everything she says. You are doing great, she still has feelings. There are no need for games, keep looking out for #1, that is you and if she comes along for the ride great if not then she will just be a memory of you past.

I agree with ya scout but at the same time, there are issues people need to deal with. I thinks his ex is being very selfish, but then at the same time I can see where and why she would want to deal with her issues first. Besides anything easy ain't worth a darn (enotalone censors)

Thanks guys I appriciate the advise and trust me S&D I have read your post a million times. I am sorry you had to go through all that you have, but I would be stupid not to learn from others right. I can not even tell you how many times your post about the drunk call has saved me from calling her while I was a little tipsy. I am also sure that I can learn a ton from the patience that you and muneca has shown. My srtagedy is this... Keep living my life single, enjoy the company of my friends, enjoy my free time, enjoy going out with others and see what happeneds. There is absolutley no mystery on my part, she knows I love her and want to work this out and have made it very clear that friends is not possible right now. Now the only thing I have to make sure is that she is not taking advantage of this.. ie being my friend and stringing me along to get everything she wants, but those are things to look out for in the future. She has text me a couple times this morning. She said sorry for not replying to the email. I told her not to worry about it.. everything in the email I have said to you and you know where I stand, so if you reply great if not great just respect where I am coming from. A couple more non-sense text and that is that. I can not tell you how good I feel, I am not sure if it is indifference or what, but I am completley myself again. She is not occupying every thought I have, nothing.... If she is gone out of my life then so be it.. I have been real and gave 100% I can do no more..... Thanks again everyone.... I will defienlty keep you posted...

That is what I am going to do, I sent a email today which I asked her to respond. She said she never recived the one email I sent earlier about us so I resent it today. In hindsight I should have let things chill and relax for a while but I have nothing to lose at this point. All the email says is if she just wants to be friends let me know, I said if that is the case that is cool, give me a couple of months to heal and I am sure we can be friends again. I then said if you want to work on things, then lets work on things slowly like you said. I either want to be working on getting over you in the bf/gf way or I want us to start working on us again... That sounds like a lot of pressure, but you know I am 100% cool with whatever she decides. My god it finally feels so good to have some answers I feel like a new man. I am serious if she responds back and says lets be friends, then ok so be it I know where I need to concentrate my efforts, if she says lets work on things slowly then cool... I will keep doing what I am doing and see where the wind takes us.... Heck she might not even respond... so who knows.. She has sent 3 text messages today since she has been home so who knows.

Dude we are living in parellel lifes.... Buddy that was handles smooth and great. Awsome awsome awsome...

I think I did get my answer, I think she wants to take things slow and see what happeneds, I ageed with her. She called this morning already and asked for us to come visit her at work so as soon as my son wakes up we are going to head up there... She has a lot to think about as do I, but regardless the weight of uncertainity is off. I at least have closer to what happened.... that was 90% of my struggle.

Will post more later... Long story short had a great night came back here put Dylan to bed and we talked. She said she loves me and will alway love me. I said I want to you to love me now.. she sais she is scared. We hit the "issue" we had in the relationship. I said the best way to show you that is by giving me a change to show you.. she said I am just scared.. I said ok them I am not asking for overnight changes... if you don't want this then tell me and I will move on... she said lets work on this slowly.. I said there is no other way, but I need you to know that your heart is really in it and not just giving me lip service.. she said please understand I am scared... I said I do.. I said how about this we slowly go back and see where it goes.. She said she will think about it.. I said no that is called stringing me along.... she gave me a p&*ssy look and I said no way that is what it is... it is either yes or no to trying... We kissed told me she loves me, but just is not sure.. I said how about we work on being us and see what what happeneds... we kiss again and she tells me goodnight.. My plan, back off for now let her think about what was said and she what happeneds. I am leaving the ball in her court, but I am still ok either way this turns out so I feel like I have nothing to lose. All in all a great night... I got my answers regardless!!!!

Man...my heart just jumps out of my bod hearing this... I was there not so long ago. How can she be so different??? I ask that all the time. I think it is something are forcing to happeneds, eventually people will have to be real. Right now as she is gone let her act and do what she is doing. When she comes back home realality will sit back in and then asses the situation and see what happeneds. Please vent, yell scream, anything on here, we have all been there. Good Luck

Back off a little bit buddy..... I think the best advice given to you was by Dan. Give it some time, let her work the angles in her mind for a while then re-approach her. Rome was not built in a day... take some time to reflect on you, her, and the realtionship. It is hard and scary and emotionally exhausting... I know been there, doing, writing the book. Right now realize everything you do and say is a mute point to her and if nothing else will just push her even further away. Stay strong, mentally, physically, and emotionally during the next month then try to establish some type of contact.

I am sorry but if a person is blunt and says do not contact them then there is no question what you should do.... DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Now the question becomes well what should I do, I now realize that I really love so and so and want them back. Well, right now that person does not want that so why not try to move on and take what you have learned to someone else. Maybe someday they will contact you maybe they won't. Man that sounds so harsh, but if a person is that blunt you have to respect that. Even give it a couple of months and send a nice email saying hi and wanted to see how things were going, if you have a momemnt write back. At that time only do it if you will not be crushed that they do not write you back, maybe they will maybe they won't.

Yeah,, Hi I am a drama king.. She calls back and said she really thinks dinner is a great idea tomorrow so I agreed. I told her again sorry for the drama today and that it caught it me off guard. She said she was sorry for talking about other guys to me then she said I know how upsetting it is because I get sick to my stomach thinking about another girl even talking to you. I said no worries. I then said hey I sent you an email and she said she will read it later she is waiting for her friend Ann to meet her for some drinks. Ann is moving in 2 weeks (yeah!!!!, trust me on this... bad bad bad influence). So I said listen have a great time and I said listen even if we decide we can not be togther I will move on and in a year or so I will try to be your friend... I said I am not doing this to be mean I am just being honest with myself. She said I know, well I love ya, I said I love you too have fun , Yikes that just slipped, but ohh well. So.... I do not know.... we will see. Thanks for letting me vent... I am going to bed.... exhausted

I text her and said sorry for the drama today... Maybe 2 morrow is not the best time for dinner you let me know. If not I will be home all week next week if you would rather wait. This way there will be no pressure and things can chill. I jsut sent her an email and asked her to reply. I basically held my ground and said I can not be friends, but at the same time I do not think it is wise to jump head first back into the realtionship but I want to feel like I am moving in some type of direction. I either need to be moving on without you or working towards us being us again.... So we will see.... The email was goosd because I said if you see no future then just tell me, if there is then lets slowly work on it.. man what a day.. I hope she text back at least to let me know about dinner... Thanks guys

MY GOD!!!!! This soap opera will not end....lol I go to leave to pick up my son and there she is her truck with her brother, I go up to the truck and say hi to him. She hands me my clothes and my car key, and I said thanks and said hold on I have some mail for you inside. She comes in, I am like here it is. She just looks at me, I do not know what came over me, but I was like hey was that jerk comment directed towards me and if so that was complete BS!!!! She said yeah a little but mostly towards my sister. I said ok, I said you know there was nothing at all wrong or upsetting about my letter to you. I said your response was pretty immature and uncalled for but whatever. She said I was so sad I didn't know what else to say. I said well do you understand where I am coming from. She just nodded.. I said I am sick of not having any answers. I feel like you just quit on us. She said you are the one quitting on us... You are the one wanting to move on. I said I have no choice, I can not be in limbo. She starts crying... She said Craig I love you... I was shocked... but I said it back. I said I am sorry I have to do this but talking about other guys Sunday was the last straw.. she said I went out one night and danced with some guys... I said previous talks to you make it sound like a lot more.. She is like no.. you are the one who is always out, I said but I never talk to you about it... she says no but I still know how you always get hit on. I then was like why did you break up... she was like I don't know. Things were just not feeling right, and I have to be independent. I was like ok, but you can be idependent with me I have never held you back from anything in this world. She then starts crying again and says I love you I just don't know... I grap her hand and said come on.. take her to the bath room to get her a tissue.... I said what do you not know about.. she said how to do this.. I said what... this. I said what how to break up... I said we need to cut all ties if that is what you want. She said no I can not picture you not in my life... I said then why can't you be with me.. she said because I just don't know. I said....listen your brother is the car you need to get going lets talk about this some other time.. She said I am off tomorrow how about dinner.. I was like Sunday after I take Dylan back would be better, she said she can't Sunday or Monday. I said I will let her know tomorrow. I then said this goes against everything I know, but Gretchen I love you and I will always love you. I can not picture a future without you, but I know if you are done what I have to do. She said I am sorry I just need some space right now in my life. I then said that is all you had to tell me a couple of months ago... She said she did, but then I said no you broke up big difference.... She hugged me and gave me a small kiss on the cheek and left.............. Whew................ talk about the last thing I was prepared for.... My question is now.. What do I do... go to dinner tomorrow and talk things out or keep getting on with my life, it still doesn't sound like she is ready for a relationship but doesn't want to let go..... Guys I love this woman with my whole heart but I know limbo is not a place for me. I was thinking about emailing her and telling her I respect her space but she needs to respect my wishes. I either need to be working towards working this out... or need to be working towards getting over her. I am willing to date her, but not be her friend.. Now is the perfect time for her to get her independence because I am gone so much, but it is a good time we work on us as well... Again any advise is welcome.... Sorry for the drama... I really thought this was done for a while.....................

Just got a call from a mutual friend and asked why I was a Jerk??? I said what are you talkin g about. He said my es's away message says that and he assumed I did something.... I said maybe that is towards me or maybe it is not I haven't done anything to be a jerk. I am wondering though... maybe that is towards me. Is there anyway she took that email as me being a jerk??? My god I hope not, but if so then so be it I guess. Also, it just seems weird boys are stupid, glad I am not one and now it says JERK... Maybe this is towards me... who knows. Could that email make her mad, should I ask her if that is towards me? The last thing I want is for this to be a ugly and us hating each other.. there is no need for it.

Hmmmmm I am not sure..... My god, that was an odd email?? I think it was cool that she undertood the drunk call so that you can right that off your mind now. As far as the letter being mean?? I am not 100% sure what you wrote in the letter, but if you were honest about your feelings do not regret it. I still think someday she wants to work things out, it was almost like she was coming out and asking you to wait for her... did anyone else get that impression. I think you should keep on doing what you are doing and givie her time. Man I am sorry I am not better at this bro. At the same time be glad she took the time to write and explain where she is at.. even though it still sounds she has no idea... Good Luck