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Thread: Why do I get emotionally attached too soon and how do I stop?

  1. #1
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    Why do I get emotionally attached too soon and how do I stop?

    As far as I know, it has never resulted in a positive outcome. Just a lot of hurt on my end.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Hard to answer that on an internet forum, at least without knowing a bit more about this pattern. Maybe you can give some examples of what you're talking about, a pattern you're trying to break.

    Speaking in general terms? I think there's some kind of correlation between how quickly we get attached to others and how secure we are in our attachment, so to speak, with ourselves. Think of it like this: If I really don't like where I live—if I'm not secure in that attachment—a 3 day vacation somewhere new might convince me that that's where I'm supposed to move, that the happiness I don't feel where I live will be solved through relocation. I've become emotionally attached too soon. But if I'm pretty happy where I'm living? Well, the vacation is just that: a glimpse into a new place, rather than an answer or pillar to lean on. My emotional attachment isn't so feral.

    That resonate at all?

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    Can you give more info?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    All you can do is not pursue women who are not interested or who have BFs. Unfortunately that will result in the friend zone.

    It may be better to get on some dating apps and pursue women you have more in common with outside of uni.
    Originally Posted by decibelx
    This girl [21] and I [28] have been texting almost daily for awhile and we really hit it off. We met in a class at uni, where I'm a back to school adult student. All of a sudden, her replies started getting less enthusiastic. I was confused at first because the only other time she reacted this way was when she was pissed off. However, I hadn't done anything wrong this time around (I hadn't done anything wrong the first time around either tbf-- I was just out to lunch to catch up with an old female friend), so naturally I began to get paranoid. Turns out she had developed a crush on this new classmate she met in one of her Zoom classes literally a week ago. Although she still replies me I can feel her starting to lose interest and it sucks.

    Am I supposed to remain civil, distance myself or cut her off?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    A few details would help!

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    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Learn more about progressions of relationships.
    Introduction
    Friendly conversation
    Date
    Flirting
    Kissing, light physical
    Sexual (this is where most people learn is the point of emotionally attached.)

    You need to learn to be "friends" first and remember that getting emotionally attached too quickly is a turn off for both sexes.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Hard to answer that on an internet forum, at least without knowing a bit more about this pattern. Maybe you can give some examples of what you're talking about, a pattern you're trying to break.

    Speaking in general terms? I think there's some kind of correlation between how quickly we get attached to others and how secure we are in our attachment, so to speak, with ourselves. Think of it like this: If I really don't like where I live—if I'm not secure in that attachment—a 3 day vacation somewhere new might convince me that that's where I'm supposed to move, that the happiness I don't feel where I live will be solved through relocation. I've become emotionally attached too soon. But if I'm pretty happy where I'm living? Well, the vacation is just that: a glimpse into a new place, rather than an answer or pillar to lean on. My emotional attachment isn't so feral.

    That resonate at all?
    Actually does, loads. If I were to be really honest with myself, I'm pretty insecure being on my own and I latch on to external validation whenever it's presented to me. I don't know how to develop the self-love that I need, considering I grew up in an emotionally distant familial environment. I guess there's a part of me that craves affection and intimacy from the lack of it in my childhood.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    All you can do is not pursue women who are not interested or who have BFs. Unfortunately that will result in the friend zone.

    It may be better to get on some dating apps and pursue women you have more in common with outside of uni.
    We put an end to that situation some time ago, actually. This is more of some inward reflection on my behaviours that make me unhappy.

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    Do you have an active social life?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by decibelx
    Actually does, loads. If I were to be really honest with myself, I'm pretty insecure being on my own and I latch on to external validation whenever it's presented to me. I don't know how to develop the self-love that I need, considering I grew up in an emotionally distant familial environment. I guess there's a part of me that craves affection and intimacy from the lack of it in my childhood.
    Well, boom. You just answered your own question. As for how to rewire things a bit? Maybe instead of thinking in terms of "self-love," instead think about things you love to do. What are they? Maybe get more "attached" to them, so you can get an emotional reward and sense of security there, removing the pressure for other people to fill that void.

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