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He met someone else but wants to keep in touch with me. Will he ever come back ?


JustMay

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Hi everyone, I (23F) have a huge long distance crush. This guy (23M) lives far away. We met last summer, and hooked up once. We stayed in contact since all this time and we keeped flirting and sexting. I told him first I didn’t want a committed relationship because I was dealing with personal problems at the time. We never had a chance to have a proper date and to get to know each other and to build something.

We flirted all the last 3 weeks, and suddenly he blocked me on an app and apologized, telling me he just found a girl and had to be serious now. He said he wanted « to keep in touch », that he would keep me informed, with a flirty tone. Now he ignores me a little throught social media, like I am a threat for his new girl. I feel a little heartbroken because I was used to talk to him and was excited to see him soon, but now it is over (for now).

 

I think he likes me too, but went for someone physically and geographically closer to him. I feel like I missed my chance.

I am afraid his new relationship will last for a long time, and I am going to move to his town in 3 months for work. I hoped we would have a chance to start something.

Do you think he will call me back? Should I remain friendly to stay in touch with him or is there no chance to meet again in the future?

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If you want to test your true mettle, don't reach out to him and remain respectful of his relationship. I understand you are full jets roaring now over to his state and had your hopes up but you'll thank yourself for being respectful of others' relationships and showing to others that you respect yourself above all for not getting in the way of others' happiness. There's no reason to meet up with him. He's a crush, nothing more.

 

Enjoy your time there for work but put this out of your mind. If he wants to catch up with you again, he has your number. If he finds out later that you were in his town for work and you didn't mention it, that's fine. You both can laugh about it another time and it'll give him something to think about and what type of woman you are. Move on and meet new people in the new town.

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Thank you for replying. I wished him the best, to show respect. I understand he wants to go for a girl who lives closer. Yes, he is just a crush but sex was involved, and we have a good chemistry. I feel like I’ve been played, I am disappointed. Sure, I have always kept my options open. He knows I am going to move in his town soon, and in his texts it sounded like he plans to call me again.

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I agree with others. He's spoken for so let it be. He has a girlfriend so leave him alone. Don't bother him, don't reach out nor contact him.

 

Don't hope for him. He's in a relationship so you need to move on with your life. Start anew. Don't look back nor at him anymore. He's history. He has a girlfriend so respect his new relationship with his new girlfriend even though you don't like it.

 

Accept the situation for what it is and move on with your life without yearning for him. NC (no contact) permanently.

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I feel like I’ve been played, I am disappointed. Sure, I have always kept my options open. He knows I am going to move in his town soon, and in his texts it sounded like he plans to call me again.

 

I get that it stings, but I don't see how you were played. It doesn't appear he made any sort of promise to commit to you, and with you being far away, local options were going to look more appealing and viable to him.

 

It's anyone's guess as to whether you'll hear from him again, but for now, I would proceed as though you need to detach and move on from him.

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He didn’t play you. He kept his options open as did you.

 

He met another option and now chooses to be with her. Removing you from being an option as he has made his choice.

Therefore he is no longer an option for you.

 

It would be foolish to keep in touch with him.

 

You don’t need to block him but you definitely should delete him from your social media.

 

Good luck!

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Hi, thank you for your answers. I just want to clarify something, maybe my message was not really clear.

He was the one to initiate contact throught the year, everytime. We tried to see each other several times but because of some circumstances it didn’t happen.

He was the one to text / call me for the last two months, and texted me everyday last week.

He is also the one to want to « keep me » and to « keep in touch » (his words) with flirty emojis, calling me by pet names. He really insisted on this, I would never interfer on someone else’s relationship.

The way he talked to me about his new girl was not really positive, like « well i met a girl », it doesn’t look very serious.

I do really like him, and we were supposed to spend some days in summer together.

I don’t move for him, I have to move for work but he didn’t know, I just told him.

So yes, casual fling, but every relationship has to start from somewhere, crush or little attraction. I would like to meet with him because of all this time we stayed in contact, I know he is attracted and interested in me. That’s why I would hope for a chance to meet again and to give us a chance and neither does he.

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I get that it stings, but I don't see how you were played. It doesn't appear he made any sort of promise to commit to you, and with you being far away, local options were going to look more appealing and viable to him.

 

It's anyone's guess as to whether you'll hear from him again, but for now, I would proceed as though you need to detach and move on from him.

 

Yes you’re right. Thank you for your help.

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What do you want? Try not to opt for being a puppet or sext buddy. He has a GF. Anything against real relationships?

 

I think you are a little rude. This a support community.

I never wanted anything with him because of distance. I prefer real relationship for sure. Don’t like online dating or virtual relationship.

I am just disappointed because distance will not be a problem anymore. Just feelings for someone who likes me too, I don’t think I am selfish or silly for that. I had other dates during the year, and kept my options opened. But hey we can’t control what we feel for someone ? I just have a preference for him, and I am pretty sure I would be his preference too if we were living closer. That’s all.

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Hi, thank you for your answers. I just want to clarify something, maybe my message was not really clear.

He was the one to initiate contact throught the year, everytime. We tried to see each other several times but because of some circumstances it didn’t happen.

He was the one to text / call me for the last two months, and texted me everyday last week.

He is also the one to want to « keep me » and to « keep in touch » (his words) with flirty emojis, calling me by pet names. He really insisted on this, I would never interfer on someone else’s relationship.

The way he talked to me about his new girl was not really positive.

 

His contact was him keeping his options open as you have done yourself.

 

It doesn’t matter that he was the initiator. You were responding.

 

What does matter is that he is no longer initiating because he clearly likes this other girl and has told you he has met someone. How positive would you like him to be in his relaying to you that he is in a relationship? Of course he’s not going to tell you how awesome she is etc

 

If you don’t want to interfere with someone else’s relationship, then don’t, by taking a step back ?

 

If you started dating him wouldn’t you like to think others would be respectful of that?

 

And if he does flirt with you , while in this relationship he has told you about , wouldn’t you think he is a douchebag and block him?

 

Just delete him. And if he inappropriately tries to talk to you in a way that you would not accept if he was your bf and talking to another , then block without replying.

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His contact was him keeping his options open as you have done yourself.

 

[...]

What does matter is that he is no longer initiating because he clearly likes this other girl and has told you he has met someone. How positive would you like him to be in his relaying to you that he is in a relationship? Of course he’s not going to tell you how awesome she is etc

 

Yes we both kept our options opened and that’s okay. I am not planning to text him again, since I am not sure he is single. I want him to be happy, not to make his dating life a mess.

I don’t think he is a douche, and if he does contact me in the future I guess he would be single again.

And I’m not english, so the word he used can’t be translated. But it is not a great word to describe a girl you like, and the tone showed poor excitement or respect for this new girl. That’s why I am not sure about the seriousness of this new fling / relationship.

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You told him you didn't want a committed relationship. Maybe he did and that's why he kept up the contact, hoping you'd change your mind. You said first that you didn't want a committed relationship because you were dealing with some problems, then you said it was because of distance. Maybe he did want a committed relationship and that's why he kept up the contact, hoping you'd change your mind. Now he's found someone local that he wants to have a proper relationship with, so he doesn't want to continue that contact and rightly so. If one day he gets in touch to say he's single again then fair enough, but for now you need to let him be.

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You said first that you didn't want a committed relationship because you were dealing with some problems, then you said it was because of distance. Maybe he did want a committed relationship and that's why he kept up the contact, hoping you'd change your mind.

 

Hi, thank you for answering. Sorry my message was confusing. The fact that I was coping with serious problems and need to focus on myself to heal AND the distance were both reasons I didn’t want any commitment. It is almost impossible to build a relationship only through texting. I was conscious of this and prefered to stay rational.

Yes, maybe he wanted something, it could be possible, he is a sweet and respectful guy, but we never discussed this again. I just said « don’t look for anything serious ». He looked disappointed but said okay.

Now time passed, I am a different person and had enough time to heal, then I am available and my opinion / feelings about him have changed. That’s why this new girlfriend is bad timing (for me).. But as you said, I missed the opportunity and I’m kind of regretting. It is fair for him to find someone closer.

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Yes we both kept our options opened and that’s okay. I am not planning to text him again, since I am not sure he is single. I want him to be happy, not to make his dating life a mess.

I don’t think he is a douche, and if he does contact me in the future I guess he would be single again.

And I’m not english, so the word he used can’t be translated. But it is not a great word to describe a girl you like, and the tone showed poor excitement or respect for this new girl. That’s why I am not sure about the seriousness of this new fling / relationship.

 

What you are sure about is that he is not single. He told you so himself.

 

If he has showed you that he has poor respect for this girl yet still choosing her above you , then does that not make you feel disrespected??? Regardless of his apparent respect or opinion of her , he has still chosen her.

And that’s what you need to accept.

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The wording he used with you to describe her may not have been the most flattering, but I would place more importance on the fact that he's chosen to scale back on any contact with you out of respect for their fledgling relationship.

 

That is what matters here most, I believe. Whatever words he chose, his actions are speaking more loudly. He wants to give it a shot with her.

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Hi, thank you for your answers. I just want to clarify something, maybe my message was not really clear.

He was the one to initiate contact throught the year, everytime. We tried to see each other several times but because of some circumstances it didn’t happen.

He was the one to text / call me for the last two months, and texted me everyday last week.

He is also the one to want to « keep me » and to « keep in touch » (his words) with flirty emojis, calling me by pet names. He really insisted on this, I would never interfer on someone else’s relationship.

The way he talked to me about his new girl was not really positive, like « well i met a girl », it doesn’t look very serious.

I do really like him, and we were supposed to spend some days in summer together.

I don’t move for him, I have to move for work but he didn’t know, I just told him.

So yes, casual fling, but every relationship has to start from somewhere, crush or little attraction. I would like to meet with him because of all this time we stayed in contact, I know he is attracted and interested in me. That’s why I would hope for a chance to meet again and to give us a chance and neither does he.

 

You're very welcome.

Even though he initiated action, don't respond. He is being disrespectful to his girlfriend by contacting you. He needs to focus and concentrate his attentions on his girlfriend because that's called respect, loyalty, devotion and integrity to her and their relationship.

Even though he wants to keep in touch, don't because it's not healthy nor normal. It's emotional cheating. Be the bigger person and do the right thing by exercising discretion. Back off despite his initiating. Know how to say, "NO."

Your perception of his new girl is something you don't know because you are not her nor are you in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him. That's between the two of them so you really need to make your gracious and considerate exit.

Don't be a third wheel because you'll only get in his way and hers, too.

Don't meet him out of respect for his girlfriend and his relationship with her. Politely cease correspondence she he can focus on his new boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and so you can move on with your life in a mentally healthy way. Learn to let go.

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Agree with this and what Billie, etc. wrote.

You are right "every relationship has to start somewhere". If you're looking for long term having the "somewhere" start with a hook up makes it much more unlikely of long term healthy commitment. Obviously marriages have begun with a one night stand - but don't let yourself indulge in generalities to justify behavior/actions on your part that decreased the chances of this progressing past a hook up.

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“We tried to see each other several times but because of some circumstances it didn’t happen.”

I’m guessing these “circumstances “ were his?

Can you clarify?

 

I went to his town a few times, but it was for very short times, and I had to work late, it was difficult to meet. We were both disappointed.

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