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Thread: How to start dating as a socially awkward person.

  1. #1

    How to start dating as a socially awkward person.

    ^ title mostly says it all but let me elaborate:

    I am young female who is looking to start dating other females but I have a lot of issues with talking with people in general.

    I am quite awkward and a lot of time I am just fearful that my awkwardness and shyness would prevent myself from having a natural conversation or it would be the reason that will run people away from me.

    I always get down on this since I always wanted to be in a close friendly relationship (whether that be distanced or nearby) but I am genuinely fearful of even doing dating sites since I am scared things will go wrong due to who I am :/

    I'm not asking for much but simply looking for tips on how to set myself up so eventually I can grow more comfortable to even having a nice chat since I know I need some growth before an actual relationship.

    Thank you for anyone who responds to this

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I tell you this, rejection is normal part of dating for everyone so there is no way around it, whether you use dating apps or not. I suggest getting a life coach. Their focus is to build up your confidence level and to let you be the best person possible.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Do you have close friendships? With your friends are you comfortable in your own skin, or fearful that things might go wrong do to who you are?

    I ask because I think our friendships provide us with a good template of how we want to feel alongside others, be appreciated by others, as well as providing a nice little jolt of assurance that we are awesome, valuable, and worthy of love—a dose of confidence that comes in handy when navigating dating, so our sense of worth isn't too connected to what strangers think about us but rather how we feel in the presence of strangers as they become more familiar to us.

  4. #4
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Do you have close friendships? With your friends are you comfortable in your own skin, or fearful that things might go wrong do to who you are?

    I ask because I think our friendships provide us with a good template of how we want to feel alongside others, be appreciated by others, as well as providing a nice little jolt of assurance that we are awesome, valuable, and worthy of love—a dose of confidence that comes in handy when navigating dating, so our sense of worth isn't too connected to what strangers think about us but rather how we feel in the presence of strangers as they become more familiar to us.
    I have a couple of people who I would considered friends. For the most part I never had problems talking to them when it comes to even personal topics but deep down I am a person who has trouble speaking fully what is on my mind and struggle to actually say what I really mean and generally only talkative in certain subjects (Writing and gaming to name a few) and non-talkative and speak very little for others EDIT: Forgot to say but I am just simply fearful that I am going to be hard to interact with being it took even my friends to get used to me heh.

    @smackie9 my fear really isn't rejection. Even before I came to this forum, I had dealt with rejection before and i'm not expecting things to work out immediately but simply looking for simple tips before going for a last resort of a life couch (which is fairly expensive as I am already paying for therapy for other things ^^;)

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get involved in LGBT groups and interests, volunteer for a cause you embrace. Take some classes and courses. Get on some LGBT friendly dating aaps. Stop labeling yourself, reach out and be friendly and kind to people instead of hiding in a shell and being self-conscious.
    Originally Posted by LuckyCheri
    I am young female who is looking to start dating other females but I have a lot of issues with talking with people in general.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I met some awesome people at the local Pride parade. I also met some great people at a rally for human rights. People who were socially aware and wanted to try to influence change.

    If you're not into the protest thing, there are LGBTQ events in major cities and some smaller communities. Those might be more comfortable for you as they are in a group setting rather than a one on one coffee date.

  8. #7
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    Volunteer backstage at a community theater. Best place to meet people, lots of people who aren't naturally extroverted and not to stereotype but my guess is you'll find a wider variety of people with different sexual orientiations.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I think you're risking falling into the same pit a ton of other jaded relationship seekers have fallen into, and what's very easily enabled by online dating. Tackle the social awkwardness first. Folks above have given you plenty of great suggestions. Develop social skills, then date. If something organically happens along the way, great. If you've truly got spectrum-level awkwardness that extends beyond of lack of effort and exposure, you may want to consider counseling to help develop social skills and tactics.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    A customer service job can help sometimes as far as getting tonnes of practise with interacting with all kinds of people.
    At one of my past workplaces there was a young woman who started off with actively trying to avoid answering the phone and interacting with clients. By the end of her year, she was chit chatting away like a pro.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I've found no matter who it is whether my husband, relative, in-law, acquaintance or church brethren that having interest in the other person is the key to a lasting conversation and pleasant socializing. People love nothing more than to talk endlessly about themselves forever and crave a great listener.

    Many times, I don't have much to say about myself so I let others talk all they want. I ask about them, how they've been, how's their job?, how's their family?, updates in general, their associations, fitness, hobbies, outings or excursions, their vacations, intellectual pursuits, charitable good works, movies, books, etc. They can go on and on forever.

    I'll give you an example. The other day I asked a neighbor what her paint colors were for her house as it is the pride of the neighborhood. Her house, landscaping and garden always look meticulous and well cared for. She was out taking her trash to the curb's trash cans on trash night that afternoon. After hesitating in the past, I finally gathered the nerve to ask her. The worst she could say was "no." However, she was very kind, ran into her garage, wrote down her paint colors for her stucco and trim and even wrote down the name of her painter. Then the floodgates opened! She ended up telling me her life's story! I stood on her sidewalk for over an hour! It was a wonderful chat. I really didn't say hardly anything about myself at all. It was all about her and I was perfectly fine with it. We wished each other well and parted ways. Later that evening, I gave her an envelope with a thank you note and referrals for a handyman and window and door installer since she mentioned she needed word-of-mouth contractor referrals. I reciprocated her kindness to me.

    It doesn't matter whom I am talking to. As long as I make every conversation about them, people can talk about themselves for hours.

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