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Thread: Co-Worker/Friend

  1. #21

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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Good, Steve. I'm glad you received your wake up call. You have a conscience if you are willing to change and do the right thing.
    Thanks Cherylyn! You have had very nice warm/effective comments from the start on this and see my point of view. Really appreciate it. I promise I will change.

  2. #22

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Reading this whole thing I find myself wondering one thing: How's your marriage going?

    Were you not married, the above would be a story of a dude who is smitten with a woman and refusing to get the hint that she is not smitten back. Never a good look. Add in the wedding ring, and the picture gets even less pretty. Just calling it how I'm seeing it, not trying to throw salt on a wound.

    If I had to guess what went down? Seems to me she realized, pretty quickly, that the way you were communicating was starting to verge into a place that made no sense: not with her having a boyfriend, not with you having a wife. Toes going over the line where things get disrespectful, and so she tried to draw a line subtly, hoping you'd take the hint. Problem was, you didn't take the hint. Not the first, second, or sixth hint. Still seems to me you're struggling to take the hint.

    Anyhow, in your shoes I would look at her as doing you a huge favor in asserting a boundary you didn't have it in yourself to assert. I'd also take a look in the mirror, and a look at your marriage, and ask yourself what's up that got you this invested in someone so quickly. This is not work energy or friendship energy wafting off you, after all, but romantic energy. Thirst, in a word. Thirst is for your wife, to be quenched there, not in strings of emojis from new officemates.

    Moving forward? Take three ice cold showers, then go to work. Be civil. Be normal. Treat her for who she is: a colleague, not a woman who owes you anything, least of all to soothe whatever it is that's churning around inside you. Let this little thing burn off, and do what you need to do address whatever deeper is going on that's bringing you down.

    My few cents, to spend however you see fit.
    Very constructive comments! Agree, Thx

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by s2teve
    Thanks Cherylyn! You have had very nice warm/effective comments from the start on this and see my point of view. Really appreciate it. I promise I will change.
    You sound intelligent, Steve. Smart men (& women) change for the better. Dumb people never improve and change. I'm glad you are the former and not the latter!

  4. #24

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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    You sound intelligent, Steve. Smart men (& women) change for the better. Dumb people never improve and change. I'm glad you are the former and not the latter!
    Thanks Cherylyn! Likewise.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You behave like this with other women when you are married? What's your deal? You deserve a big fat divorce.

    You know why this woman went cold? Because you got pushy and creepy. She did not want a boyfriend (she already has one) you were obviously liking her more than she was comfortable with.

    At some point you need to learn self control, boundaries and to be respectful towards your wife and leave other women alone.
    You're lucky you weren't dragged into head office for harassment, I know I would have reported you.

  7. #26
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    This coworker is creeped out by you. She has tried to tippy toe around you and stop / minimise contact with you because you have behaved very inappropriately ,increasingly so and in her eyes creepy.
    She will never see you any differently and will always attempt to keep you at a distance from here on.

    She is likely saving any communication from you in case she needs to file for sexual harassment.

    I strongly advise you to stop all communication unless strictly work related.

    You embarked on an emotional affair that the coworker was not interested in having.
    You didnít tell your wife , because an emotional affair is so much worse than a physical one.
    You are not as naive as you claim to be.

    Make a sandwich every night and eat it at your desk for lunch.
    Problem solved.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Also..you're lucky she didn't complain to her boyfriend and he came there and gave you a black eye. Lots of men would have come and asked what your problem was.
    I don't condone violence, but you were severely crossing boundaries.

    I don't have tolerance for men like you. Focus on your wife, be good to her, leave other women alone. Simple.

    It's one thing to be polite and have small chats here and there but what you are wanting is a full on relationship, and that's called cheating. You shouldn't expect anything more than a few chats here and there with co workers. But don't get attached and expect and want more unless you want problems coming your way.

    If your wife isn't satisfying you, then divorce her and find someone who is going to give you the time and attention you are desiring. But what you are doing now, is just plain wrong.

  9. #28
    Silver Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Try to put more effort to understand, accept there are underlying issues with your marraige.
    Focus should be your marraige forget the co-worker.
    You have feelings for her that is what is causing all this.
    let her go, she has a boyfriend who can take care of her, shift your focus.
    if you can block her on social media, whatsapp etc do so, keep things professional , if you start doing this from today you will get back some control of your life.
    It will be difficult with your wife initially but things will only work out if you face them headon.... that is if you want to give your marriage another chance.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to reread your employers sexual harassment policy and leave this woman alone. She has a bf. Seeing a doctor and a therapist will help you get over this delusion/obsession.

    Erotomania may indicate some underlying neurological or psychiatric disorder: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by s2teve
    This lady joined like slightly after me. I am married and she also has a BF

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Setting up relationship boundaries will ensure marital success. You're lacking an emotional connection with your wife, and having an emotional affair at work is a symptom of this. Read about emotional affairs so you can make a plan to avoid them in the future. Delete and block your co-workers number. If she asks why, tell her you made a mistake and realize it was wrong to embark on a close friendship with another female, and for the good of your marriage, you're acting accordingly. Be pleasant when you pass by her at work. Don't stop at her desk for a chat. Don't go to lunch with her. If you have downtime at work, read a book about how to have a successful marriage. Write a letter to your wife to tell her all the ways you appreciate her. Make a bucket list of all the activities you want to do with your wife in the future. This will retrain your brain to be focused on your wife.

    And then read articles on how to reestablish an emotional connection with your wife. If you were my husband and I had read your wall of text about another woman, I would've been immediately filing for divorce. This should be your wake up call that major changes need to take place about your boundaries and your life's focus.

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