DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I had a great first date with a guy a week and a half ago. Someone normal and nice, very funny. We had great chemistry. He kept saying how nice and normal I was. (We met on online dating) He walked me to my car, gave me a big hug and peck on the lips. That night he texted me saying how much fun he had and he didn’t want to leave. The next day he was texting me all day, and continued to texted me all week, good morning etc, making jokes, it was nice. He initiated every time and I followed. We went out again last Thursday. We had a lot of fun, had drinks and apps. He texted me the next morning and continued to text me all day Friday. Then Saturday and Sunday, I heard nothing. It was fine because I had plans all weekend, and he knew that, but I just noticed all of a sudden the communication slowed down. Not a big deal. Monday I texted “how was your weekend” and we went back and forth a couple times, he said he was working Saturday then came down with the stomach bug. But there was no charming jokes or flirting, probably cause he was sick. Then I texted yesterday a quick “I hope you are feeling better”, no need for an answer or anything, just being nice. He texted back “little bit, I had a root canal yesterday and I’m really achy.” I texted back a quick joke and haven’t heard back. I’m afraid he’s not interested anymore, which is strange because he’s been acting like he was interested all last week. I know I should give him the benefit of the doubt but I just thought maybe he was making up excuses. I decided not to get in touch again. Do guys normally change their tune so suddenly? Am I making too much of it? I guess I worry because I had a bad experience recently and I finally want something good to happen in my love life. And he seemed promising and there’s so many weirdos out there. And it’s my birthday tomorrow and I wish I had a nice guy to take me out or wish me happy birthday. Maybe I’m just feeling bad for myself! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Any chance he has a wife or live in girlfriend who works Monday through Friday and he couldn't text you because she was at home for the weekend? I hate to be that cynical but I can't help but notice his vanishing act took place while people with office or corporate jobs are typically off for the weekend. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Hmm well he’s divorced 3 years and lives by himself (as far as I know lol). He’s got 3 kids but they’re older (teens and college age). They live with their mom but come over a lot. I know he hasn’t dated much since his divorce— he told me he tried online dating when they first got divorced but had bad experiences so he stopped. He’s been out of the dating game for a long time. Our first date was a Sunday afternoon. So anyway I’m guessing there’s no live in wife or girlfriend. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Perhaps multi dating? Had a date with someone else over the weekend? It wouldn't really be wrong if he was multi dating. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Yes I thought maybe he had another date, which is fine. And I’m still on the dating site as well. (But haven’t gone on any more dates since him, but have been chatting with people.) I guess I just hoped since we had such a great time that he’d continue his consistency, you know? Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Well you said he was sick and then had a root canal. That would be enough to slow down anyone! Perhaps he is dating other women. You can be patient or move on. Link to comment
LootieTootie Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Maybe he is just one of those people who like to be left alone when they are sick? Give him the benefit of the doubt. It's only been a week and a half ago. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Do guys normally change their tune so suddenly? What I like to focus on, for what it's worth, is my own tune. Meaning: if I'm still interested in someone, I own that and find comfort in that, even in these uncomfortable moments. So whether he's just down and out from the stomach bug and root canal combo—enough to level just about anyone—or whether his own tune is changing isn't really important. Time will answer is pretty clearly, so you can choose that time deciding to be patient or unnerved. I say go with the former. Odds are that if you got into a relationship with him, or any man, there's going to be a moment (or a thousand) where someone being patient with you will be appreciated. So be that person now, regardless of where these chips fall. My few cents. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Hey happy birthday :) I think being that it's only a week and a half, you should continue to date other people. Also, maybe hang out with your friends today? If it were my bday I wouldn't wanna celebrate it with a stranger...It's weird. I'd perhaps wanna celebrate it if he and I were dating two plus months, but you shouldn't be wanting to do that with someone u don't even know. Link to comment
Eliza50 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Do guys normally change their tune so suddenly? Yes and it goes for both sexes. I've heard tons of similar stories by friends (both male and female) who've been doing the online dating thing for years. I myself have had a couple of similar experiences, too. My advice is not to wait around for anyone. If he wants to see you again, fine. If you're still interested, you meet him. Meanwhile, keep meeting others and don't overthink things. Don't forget this guy is practically a stranger. Enjoy your birthday! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Happy Birthday. Unfortunately it sounds par for the course because people are meeting and greeting a lot of different people. How did he know you were busy all weekend? Perhaps he though you reserved the weekend to meet others you preferred so he moved on. Do not text this much or volunteer too much information to people you just met. I had plans all weekend, and he knew that Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Oh I am going out with friends! I was just saying in general I wish I had a guy who I knew well and was an actual boyfriend to celebrate with — not a stranger. Sorry if that came out wrong! Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Hey happy birthday :) I think being that it's only a week and a half, you should continue to date other people. Also, maybe hang out with your friends today? If it were my bday I wouldn't wanna celebrate it with a stranger...It's weird. I'd perhaps wanna celebrate it if he and I were dating two plus months, but you shouldn't be wanting to do that with someone u don't even know. Thank you! Oh I am going out with friends! I was just saying in general I wish I had a guy who I knew well and was an actual boyfriend to celebrate with — not a stranger. Sorry if that came out wrong Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I would - for now - cut him a bit of slack. You barely know him and he's been sick and dealing with dental issues. Relax a bit. If you still don't notice much initiative from him in the next couple weeks, then yes, I would write him off as a dating option. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Happy Birthday. Unfortunately it sounds par for the course because people are meeting and greeting a lot of different people. How did he know you were busy all weekend? Perhaps he though you reserved the weekend to meet others you preferred so he moved on. Do not text this much or volunteer too much information to people you just met. I mentioned it on our date Thursday, I had plans with friends both nights. I don’t usually text a lot — at all. And I didn’t reveal too much at all. He was the one texting quite a bit, kept telling me what he was up to every day. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Yes and it goes for both sexes. I've heard tons of similar stories by friends (both male and female) who've been doing the online dating thing for years. I myself have had a couple of similar experiences, too. My advice is not to wait around for anyone. If he wants to see you again, fine. If you're still interested, you meet him. Meanwhile, keep meeting others and don't overthink things. Don't forget this guy is practically a stranger. Enjoy your birthday! Thanks! I’m not waiting around for him— I’m just sad that a potentially good guy maybe moved on already. I’ve been trying to make plans to meet others— hopefully early next week after the weekend. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Maybe he is just one of those people who like to be left alone when they are sick? Give him the benefit of the doubt. It's only been a week and a half ago. Very true! And thanks! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Did he ask you out for those nights? Why volunteer this info?I mentioned it on our date Thursday, I had plans with friends both nights. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Did he ask you out for those nights? Why volunteer this info? We were trying to make plans, and when we were out Thursday I just mentioned that that weekend I had plans with a co-worker and then with my sisters (neither a date)— it was just conversation on our date— Why does that matter? Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 I would - for now - cut him a bit of slack. You barely know him and he's been sick and dealing with dental issues. Relax a bit. If you still don't notice much initiative from him in the next couple weeks, then yes, I would write him off as a dating option. Yes I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes I know I barely know him. I just think it’s interesting when guys contact you like crazy then back off. Now in my early 40s, guys are still a mystery to me after all these years lol! Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 There are a few possible reasons: 1) he's just not into you 2) he's crazy. 3) he really is sick Until you have a hook - until they fall in love, they can disappear at any moment. Don't count on anything for the first two months. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 There are a few possible reasons: 1) he's just not into you 2) he's crazy. 3) he really is sick Until you have a hook - until they fall in love, they can disappear at any moment. Don't count on anything for the first two months. It sounds so sad doesn’t it that you “can’t count on anything for the first two months”?? Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 It sounds so sad doesn’t it that you “can’t count on anything for the first two months”?? Dating is not for the faint of heart. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Ok, ball is in his court. If he eventually responds/wants to go out again, great if not you can see others. I texted back a quick joke and haven’t heard back. I decided not to get in touch again. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 What you can count on before exclusivity is that if there is a time and place plan for another date there is another date. If there is none there is no next date and if and when he calls or you two plan another date, then there will be one but don't "wait" - move on at that very moment. After exclusivity I think it's reasonable to expect that until one or both of you decide to break things off you'll see each other regularly (with exceptions depending on distance/work/family, etc) and you won't be looking to date others or be dating others. Link to comment
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