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Thread: Awkward office affair situation

  1. #1
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    Awkward office affair situation

    I(25, female) was seeing a colleague(24, male) from a different department for around two months. We had feelings for each other but the feelings were never strong enough to make us step things up. And we were constantly fighting a month after we started dating, so when I found out he was talking to another girl I ended it. And I only learned that he was sleeping with his roommate's friend when we both agreed this would be exclusive. We stopped talking for a month, but eventually drunk hookup once. After the hookup we agreed to remain fwb, but he regretted it afterwards cause he's afraid things would turn ugly again. This time I deleted him on social media called him names, which I regretted a lot. Nothing else happened afterwards...Until I was transferred to a different department and now we are in the same floor.

    At first I tried to ignore him, but he texted me "Hi, new friend" and we started talking again cause I wanted to find out what he wanted from me. He was just chatting like he did when we first met, but sometimes he would make sexual jokes and made me feel like he wanted to hookup. After three days, when we were smoking on the balcony together, I finally asked him "Why would you want to talk to me again after I called you names?" He shrugged and said he wouldn't remember those trivial things, and that he just wanted to chat with me like we used to. I replied I appreciate this and was happy things weren't awkward between us.

    But weirdly, after this short talking, he basically stopped talking to me completely. He wouldn't text me and wouldn't ask me to smoke together anymore. And if I initiated a conversation, he would maybe reply one or two times but then leave me on read. I don't know what happened. If this is what he wants, then so be it. But it still hurts. I really have no idea what's happening at this moment. I still want to remain friends, and maybe deep down I still want more. Can anyone please tell me what I can do to make things less awkward between us? Any advice would be much appreciated.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Yikes...

    I don't know how you can make things less awkward. Just be professional and leave it at that.

    Oh, and stop sleeping around with people from work. That's always going to cause problems. It's just not worth it when, as a woman, if you really just wanted casual sex, you could just go to any bar or club and pick up guys at will.

    If you actually want something more with this guy. You need to seriously reassess your choice of men and the way with which you approach relationships.

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    I didn't sleep around with people from work though. I thought we could've had a serious relationship, but it just didn't work. The sad part is I still have feelings for him, that's why I agreed to have casual sex with him. Now I see this would not make things better, but I guess it's too late. What bothers me the most is I don't understand what caused his sudden change.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There's a good chance he's met someone else or is seeing someone else. I don't think you're in a good place right now and there's too much else to think about like your career and keeping a level head while at work. I'd keep things professional and friendly if you run into him but not overly friendly. It's best to avoid smoking together or spending your breaks together. Navigate away from thinking that this is a relationship worth pursuing because it's not. He wasn't serious about you from the beginning. This doesn't make him a bad person. He's just not the one for you.

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    Hi Rose Mosse,

    I think you could be right. Today at work he was spending lots of time with a new female colleague, who's much better-looking than me. I'm happy I didn't respond to his sexual jokes before or I'd make myself a total fool. I'm avoiding him at this moment. It's just so difficult to watch them together. Anyways, thank you for your advice. It helps a lot.

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Herbalguan
    maybe deep down I still want more.
    I get the impression that you're still hoping for a relationship with him.

    Your post-break up awkwardness ended after he said, "Hi new friend" and you two had a couple cigarettes together.

    What you are going through now is a new phase of awkwardness that began when you started reading into his motives and your expectations weren't met.

    Unfortunately, I don't know of any cures for a crush. But it's clear that he is not interested in being more than friendly acquaintances.

    So, you have to work past your romantic feelings and act professionally. Otherwise, the situation could get very ugly for both of you.

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    Originally Posted by Jibralta

    Unfortunately, I don't know of any cures for a crush. But it's clear that he is not interested in being more than friendly acquaintances.
    I just wish he didn't give me the wrong signals like referencing our physical relationship when chatting with me. It was totally misleading. But I guess that's just him being him. I will stop reading into his words/actions. Thank you for your advice!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Herbalguan
    I just wish he didn't give me the wrong signals like referencing our physical relationship when chatting with me. It was totally misleading. But I guess that's just him being him. I will stop reading into his words/actions. Thank you for your advice!
    I know. But unfortunately this guy doesn't have the best boundaries or manners. What can I say--we live in an imperfect world! You just have to recognize a no-go situation and deal with it. Yes, it can be tricky.

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    Originally Posted by Herbalguan
    I just wish he didn't give me the wrong signals like referencing our physical relationship when chatting with me. It was totally misleading. But I guess that's just him being him. I will stop reading into his words/actions. Thank you for your advice!
    Referencing your physical ďrelationship ď (there was no relationship) was NOT misleading or wrong signals at all. It was him saying he is ONLY interested in the physical.

    When you went a bit crazy name calling because you found out he was sleeping with others , well you never had a talk after a few weeks of hanging out about exclusivity , so you were in the wrong there.
    Him suggesting fwb was simply him telling you that he is not looking for anything more than sex.
    Yes he regretted even the thought of sleeping with you because of how you reacted when you basically had only been casually seeing each other anyway and not in a relationship.

    His chit chat while having a smoke was just to see if you had calmed down and not about to cause any drama at work.

    I sincerely hope you wonít , because it would jeopardise your position.

    In future stick to a bit of traditional dating , donít sleep with someone until you determine exclusivity and donít get so hot headed and over the top reactive when things donít go your way. Just walk away!

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. The best thing to do is get very busy outside of work. Join clubs, groups, take classes courses or volunteer. Get your social life going that doesn't include work people particularity the office Lothario. Delete him and all his friends from all your social media and messaging apps. Get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting guys outside of work.

    He's just filling a void for you because it's easy and handy and he'll sleep with anyone. Be polite and professional, but stop hanging out. Be more proactive in your life and choose to date in a manner you wish rather than what's easy.
    Originally Posted by Herbalguan
    we were constantly fighting a month after we started dating, so when I found out he was talking to another girl I ended it. And I only learned that he was sleeping with his roommate's friend when we both agreed this would be exclusive. We stopped talking for a month, but eventually drunk hookup once.

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