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Thread: Are my wife and best mate attracted to each other?

  1. #1

    Are my wife and best mate attracted to each other?

    So my wife and I are pretty close with an old school mate of mine and his wife. Our kids are the same age as theirs and get on great. They live about 2 hours away so when we see them its usually an overnighter. Recently I've started to wonder if there is something between my wife and my mate. I don't believe they are cheating or that they ever would but I think there might be a spark there.

    There is no obvious flirting, no innuendos, nothing like that. But when we are together they talk. A lot. To the point I sometimes feel a bit left out. He sits next to her without exception. Whether we're lounging on the couch, or in a restaurant, at the dinner table, in a theater. They always somehow wind up next to each other. He has some issues and it was actually her he first confessed his problems to, not me. And he continues to talk to her about it. I've noticed the odd hand on her waist as he squeezes past her, he calls her 'sweetheart' or 'honey', stuff like that. But none of it is obvious, it's more just a feeling I get that there is a spark. Am I reading too much into this? Are they just good friends or does it sound like there is something fizzing between them? Should I even be bothered if there is as long as it doesn't turn into anything else?

  2. #2
    For my part i will feel inconfortable too.... There's to much attraction... Catch her by the ties ... This is a sing.. maybe your wife doesnt see the same way of him, and its by pure innocents... But.. Man... Straight......Ive been to alot of relationship before , now find the real me... So i know Man are not like women for sure... I dont want to miss respect to your Friend

  3. #3
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    If your wife has not said anything about his inappropriate behavior... then yes, there is something going on, or about to happen.

  4. #4
    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    If your wife has not said anything about his inappropriate behavior... then yes, there is something going on, or about to happen.
    Do you think it is inappropriate then? I'm not sure if I'm seeing something that just isn't there. That perhaps they just genuinely get on well? To be clear, I'm not laying this all at my mates door. I believe the spark, if there is one, to be mutual. She touches him too when she's talking to him. She doesn't avoid sitting next to him. etc etc

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you are needlessly worrying. I've got lots of guy friends and am comfortable around them and sit beside them and I dont think twice about it. Nobody is hitting on the other person. It is entirely possible to be good friends with a person of the opposite sex and there be nothing untoward going on.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Well, it does happen. When I was a teen, two couples in the neighborhood began double dating. An affair happened, followed by divorces.

    Yes, it's inappropriate for him to be confiding his problems with her instead of you. Does he call her daily/weekly about this? Sounds like an emotional affair.

    I'd stop family visits with him. If you choose to continue the relationship, move it into a direction where only you two get together. I'd have a discussion with your wife about relationship boundaries, as far as communicating with him is concerned. Let her know you have a gut feeling he is into her, and that changes will be made to nip that situation in the bud. If she balks at not communicating with him regularly, she's prioritizing that "friendship" over your marriage.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I think you are needlessly worrying. I've got lots of guy friends and am comfortable around them and sit beside them and I dont think twice about it. Nobody is hitting on the other person. It is entirely possible to be good friends with a person of the opposite sex and there be nothing untoward going on.
    I get that but it just feels different with them. She's different with him than she is with any of my other mates. He's different with her than he is with the other wives. I don't know...

  9. #8
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    I live by a philosophy that Ive always agreed with partners. Its not practical to say over 10-20 years of marriage that we'll never see someone that we're attracted to. So I live by one rule, if it happens, then most importantly I am honest with myself about the attraction to someone else. I then take action to ensure I stay away from them, not put myself in compromising positions with them.

    I would ask her if there is any feelings there, and explain that it wouldnt be the end of the world if she found him attractive, we're all human and theres no judgement, she doesnt even have to talk to you about it, but ask her to respect you and avoid putting herself in a position that might cause issues. Then gently remind her theres a zero tolerance policy, if anything were to happen, by EITHER of you doing something inappropriate, there will be no discussion, the marriage is over. Gently re-assure her where your boundaries are. Then you have to just trust her.


    P.S Im not even going to start correcting the appalling grammar. Hopefully you know what I mean.

  10. #9
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Well, it does happen. When I was a teen, two couples in the neighborhood began double dating. An affair happened, followed by divorces.

    Yes, it's inappropriate for him to be confiding his problems with her instead of you. Does he call her daily/weekly about this? Sounds like an emotional affair.

    I'd stop family visits with him. If you choose to continue the relationship, move it into a direction where only you two get together. I'd have a discussion with your wife about relationship boundaries, as far as communicating with him is concerned. Let her know you have a gut feeling he is into her, and that changes will be made to nip that situation in the bud. If she balks at not communicating with him regularly, she's prioritizing that "friendship" over your marriage.

    They don't call each other (that I'm aware of). The conversations all take place when we are staying there or they are here. They swapped a few messages about it when he first told her (I checked her phone). It was her asking him how he was doing, that she was worried about him, and him responding. He said to me that he knew she'd tell me of his issues and that he hoped she would. I just found it strange because I was only in the next room at the time of his confession.

  11. #10
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Well... this is how my marriage began to fall apart. Exact same thing with my wife and neighbor (I was friends with my neighbor). When I told her I didn't appreciate the way they acted toward each other, she went through the roof. When people are cheating, they get VERY ANGRY when confronted or asked about it.

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