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About Bobby987

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  1. Sorry guys was a little busy but since you guys were kind enough to post... Those feelings lasted a couple weeks, maybe it was nostalgia because she was being nice [turns out it was only because she wanted to change holiday dates] But when I sit down and force myself to think about what it would be like to kiss/bewith/be around the ex there really is nothing. So putting all the damage and distance aside I really do know that I dont love her. So its not so much the fact its her, Im used to her back stabbing me but its at my childs school and theres a part of me that is hurt by it.
  2. No the feelings left just as quickly as the ex's smile. And I remember saying in the last post there is no way in the world I would consider being with the ex, even if I were single. It was the feelings I felt that worried me. I dont see ex unless its holiday time or we both attend a special event at school. Unfortunately my partner is scowled at across the playground everyday. Moving in the right direction of both parents and partners getting on, co-parenting and working together for the kids.
  3. Yeah for a brief moment she was being nice and I actually thought maybe things were moving in the right direction, I found out shortly after that it was only because the ex wanted to change the court order for holiday, she then went back to the usual spite. She's been trying to turn our daughter against my soon to be step son. Theyre only 6, what kind of a satanic person does that? my current partner has always just left me to deal with ex, however now that her son has been directly affected by it she's on the war path. There are a few other things, it just seems to never end. When people tr
  4. Just that really, I played golf at the weekend with another dad from my daughters school. I know my ex bad mouths me because for the last year when I meet people at school they are very nice and friendly. Then I see them talking to the ex and all of a sudden they want nothing to do with me and can barely say hello at the school gates. Anyway my golfing buddy tells me the ex was at a kids party with her new boyfriend last week, after a few gin and tonics the ex spent an hour "slagging me off." Im told it made everyone uncomfortable. I didnt ask what she said because I know deep down it will ju
  5. Why on Gods green earth are you trying to diagnose her? its irrelevant, youve wasted 20 years chasing the fantasy of someone who doesnt exist. Since youve never been over her you've never been open to the love of someone far more suited. What a waste of life, you only get one. You need to cut her out of your life to the point where you couldnt contact her even if you wanted to. Move to another country.... anything to escape. There will be no great epiphany, there will be no happy ending, there will definitely be no explanation or apology. This isnt the movies buddy, theres nothing but pa
  6. I live by a philosophy that Ive always agreed with partners. Its not practical to say over 10-20 years of marriage that we'll never see someone that we're attracted to. So I live by one rule, if it happens, then most importantly I am honest with myself about the attraction to someone else. I then take action to ensure I stay away from them, not put myself in compromising positions with them. I would ask her if there is any feelings there, and explain that it wouldnt be the end of the world if she found him attractive, we're all human and theres no judgement, she doesnt even have to talk to
  7. Thanks everyone, we had a conversation in bed last night about some future plans and she said"it would be nice to get married one day" so I need to hurry up. Especially with the Royal F up which is Brexit Im not sure if we'll even be allowed to go to Paris on Nov 1st. So Ive got 4 weeks and counting.
  8. Im not opposed to asking her, a few months ago we had a brief conversation and she exclaimed that she doesnt want anything big or fancy, she said she doesnt care because it will be from me and thats all she cares about. Whilst thats lovely its very little help. Since its not been mentioned I thought it would be nice to surprise her with the trip to Paris, and then the proposal. I know she loves the impulsive romantic gestures so I know she'll love the trip and one knee thing. Im not planning too much, because it could all go wrong, just gonna check into the hotel and go for a walk around Eiffe
  9. Thanks guys, well with 4 kids we very rarely spend money on ourselves and I cant help but feel she wont like a lot of money spent on it. But then I think maybe deep down, just this time, would she want to be treated special. Its starting to drive me crazy. We've talked about marriage and as unromantic as it sounds its just a matter of getting married now. So I want to make a little effort, hence the Paris trip. So I guess Im asking, any of you early 40's women with kids, what would you like? would you be angry if I spent thousands on a ring, money isnt an issue at all but I cant help but f
  10. Quite simple really, my partner and I are 41, been together 3 years and live together with 4 children [between us] She's a nurse in palliative care, she's f*cking hardcore. She takes her rings off every day. I dont think she wants a big showy ring but then this doesnt happen every day. Looked online and spent about as much time looking for a ring as I would on Amazon buying socks. So tell me, do I go for a £500 ring or go all in for a really nice one?
  11. I would have given my life for you ten times over. Until I finally accepted that you would have slit my throat to save yourself long before I ever got the chance. Whether you ever regret betraying me is irrelevant, my life’s mission is to protect our daughter from the trail of divorce and destruction you and your family leave in their wake.
  12. My partners mother has just been diagnosed with cancer. Time to grow up and be there for her like she has been there for me. Thanks all
  13. That’s good advice, when it was all happening there was always something that made me feel a bit better. It was that boyfriends and girlfriends may come and go over the next couple of decades but my ex wife and I will still dance at our daughters wedding. Admittedly it wasn’t all sparks and fire with my current partner, we were already friends. Time for a weekend away from the kids I think. Either that or it’s time for a mid life crisis, but I don’t like yellow Porsche’s.
  14. Thanks guys, I’ve been thinking about this, I think the feelings were always there. But she’s been so nasty these last few years, using child to hurt me. It’s been easy to see her for the real person, now she is being nice it’s harder to be indifferent. She told me yesterday she is going on holiday with new boyfriend and daughter and I’m sorry to say I felt a twinge of jealousy. I think you’re right, I’m going to keep my distance and concentrate on my partner.
  15. I tried therapy a few years ago, the problem I had was there was no closure. We had at the time been for a drink/date, it was warm and sunny, we sat in the pub garden and finally after years or spiraling we had an honest talk, she apologised for some things, I apologised for some things and I finally thought the momentum was going in the other direction. She didnt want to leave and we sat on her car in the car park late into the evening. It was magical, I skipped home thinking things were finally turning around. However it took her less than a week to drag up the carcass of old arguments and h
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