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Thread: Help I'm desperate!!

  1. #1

    Help I'm desperate!!

    Hello, I'm seeing advice here.im at a total loss and I don't know what to do. Me and my sons mother broke up six months ago, and recently we have been hanging out and even being intimate, she calls me every day on her way home from work and at night before she goes to bed. The problem is she keeps bringing up the past yet we keep having sex and doing things together with the kids. But she still says she can't have me in her life because of the past issues. I'm totally confused as to what she really wants, I really want my family back but I feel like I'm just being used for sex, like im just a temporary sexual fix until someone better comes along.

    How do I get her back??

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What are these "past issues"? Why did she break up? Do you still live together? Unless you finally listen to her and address these "past issues", this will be a stand off. Do you pay child support? how often do you have visitation with the kids?
    Originally Posted by Jason1279
    The problem is she keeps bringing up the past yet we keep having sex and doing things together with the kids. But she still says she can't have me in her life because of the past issues.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Have a discussion with her minus the kids. Make sure there are zero distractions. Have an in depth conversation with her while the kids are sleeping or whatever. If she makes it clear to you that she doesn't want you back as a family member, then you're the one who has to draw the line somewhere and speak up.

  4. #4
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    The past isn’t the past, it’s still the present. You may have moved passed it but she hasn’t.

    We really need more details if you want opinions on how it might be resolved - but at the end of the day - if you cheated, she’s still hurt and thinks you’ll do it again. If you lied, she thinks you’ll keep lying, etc.

    That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy your company or that she doesn’t enjoy being close to you. It just means that she doesn’t see a path forward that doesn’t involve her being hurt.

    ... but I do agree that at some point you both need to decide whether to poop or get off the pot (sorry - that’s a terrible expression lol). Either you work through the past or decide it will never happen and move on.

    Time for a heart to heart. But don’t dismiss the issues she’s having as «past issues». They are still very real and present for her. There is something there that still needs to be resolved.

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  6. #5
    I did not cheat I'm not that type, but I did lie about some financial matters

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    What exactly were the lies? How long were you together?

    Either you talk and consider therapy, or you cut off the outings and sex. This other stuff is not good for anyone, especially the kids. How confusing.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She wants to work on the issues...it's plain as day. Get of the pot, and go to couples counseling.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    This happens a lot, sex with the ex...... They don't love you anymore, but have no better man on the horizon, so they use you until they meet someone exciting.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She says she can't have you in her life due to the past issues. If the issues are very much present or if you're the cause of them (it originates from you), she's very clear this is a dead end and, yes, she is using you for comfort in the meantime. She's clarified where she stands - realistically and when push comes to shove, she really doesn't want to be with you if things haven't changed.

    You need to be self-aware enough and recognize whether you've either got it together and improved any circumstances (if things involve you) since then or understand where you stand on your own. She's not supposed to hold your hand and guide you or tell you any further how you can improve yourself. You'll have to do that on your own. She shouldn't be parenting you or assisting you in your self-development now that the relationship is, for the most part, over. There are no obligations for her to do that. She's been very clear with you.

    Maybe take some time for reflection and think things over. It might be very difficult but you'll have to come to terms with yourself and your present situation (whatever that entails) and learn to accept what you are and your mistakes. It's the only way you'll recognize areas for improvement and learn to grow from all this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok then you need to be transparent and make some amends. Why did you have to lie? Drugs? Gambling? Too much debt? Get your finances in order and whatever the issues behind that is for yourself, but also for the co-parenting. Also get your self respect back by practicing more integrity.
    Originally Posted by Jason1279
    I did not cheat I'm not that type, but I did lie about some financial matters

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