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Thread: Dating advice

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He's looking for hookups, that's why he steered the dates to his place. Always meet in public the first 3 dates. Never drive to their home and never let them drive to yours. In-home dates very early on means they want hookups. It's that simple. Note he brought up sex but not exclusive dating. That's pretty clear.

    Avoid TMI, particularly the damaged goods stuff. People you meet online are not therapists, they are strangers.

    You and anyone you meet are free to date whoever you want until you've been dating a while and have had the exclusive conversation. If you need to be exclusive before sex, make it a standard and be clear on that.
    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    second -we were supposed to park my car at his place and then go to walk around the area but then he took me to his apartment as i was 1 hour late and he had to meet his friend afterwards
    third time again i went to his apartment as he finished work later than expected.
    The third time he mentioned sex. the day after i saw him actively online dating website again looking for someone.

  2. #12
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    I told him that sex would make me attached to you and also make me feel needy and clingy which is actually not the case but i'm not sure why i said that ( thinking it's the dating anxiety)
    I did not feel good after seeing him on the 3rd date in his Ferrari ( my view towards him then was linked to a player rich man who i have to be careful and it scared me to be honest )
    Yes you are completely right! i was not attracted to him for his looks as a priority really. He ticked all the boxes which is very rare for me and the most important thing is that his job involves being a senior in his organisation practically saves people lives everyday - i relate him to the quality of good heart , morals and conscience )
    I was being relaxed about making my way to go to see him as i thought of him as a friend to begin with and just you know - going to do things , have some fun etc... that's why i didn't really think about the other disadvantages of my actions
    I still have a lot to learn and it is very useful for me to be able to hear your views, thank you so much.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    OK -consider this.

    It sounds like he just wants to hang out at his place and you are lucky that this guy you barely know didn't try to assault you at his place (or have someone else there, another stranger, who could have). You might want to consider going on public, proper dates with someone you just met, letting your head get involved as much or more than "primal instincts" about someone's physical features, and not spilling stuff you would share with a therapist or a very close friend when you just meet someone you might have romantic interest in.

    His career allows me to search him on google and can see that he is someone important in his organization which works to save people lives everyday and he is kinda the senior in there . He never touched me and very polite and gentleman so that's why i felt safe with him.

  4. #14
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    I stand by what I said in my reply. You sound like you really like him. Go for being clearer in your speech about important matters, and make sure there's no confusion about both of your intentions. Hope this ends well for you, because there seems to be potential.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    I told him that sex would make me attached to you and also make me feel needy and clingy which is actually not the case but i'm not sure why i said that ( thinking it's the dating anxiety)
    I did not feel good after seeing him on the 3rd date in his Ferrari ( my view towards him then was linked to a player rich man who i have to be careful and it scared me to be honest )
    Yes you are completely right! i was not attracted to him for his looks as a priority really. He ticked all the boxes which is very rare for me and the most important thing is that his job involves being a senior in his organisation practically saves people lives everyday - i relate him to the quality of good heart , morals and conscience )
    I was being relaxed about making my way to go to see him as i thought of him as a friend to begin with and just you know - going to do things , have some fun etc... that's why i didn't really think about the other disadvantages of my actions
    I still have a lot to learn and it is very useful for me to be able to hear your views, thank you so much.
    I feel like just saying wow!!!! Wow wow wow!
    But thatís not going to help you so I will explain or try to!

    A guy I know well, is and has been on the dating scene for about 4 years now. He is a well renowned brain surgeon and if I was not a good friend I would mention his name to prove that.
    Yes he saves lives through his work but it doesnít equate to empathy in his personal life. I actually am cranky with him for having an affair when his first born was only a few months old.

    I donít earn anything near this guy because Iím not a brain surgeon , yet what I do for a living saves lives everyday and my brain surgeon friend canít do his job without my input. I am a scientist. He asks me what his patient test results mean. Because he has no idea!!!

    Why are you caring about superficial crap when dating?
    My brain surgeon friend would write you off but still sleep with you. Because you are willing to.
    He will still save a life the next morning. Because thatís his job.

  7. #16
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    wow! you hit the right spot there, thank you so much for the insight!
    i do not understand why these people dont want to be monogamous and have a loving fulfilling relationship? isn't that what everyone is looking for? I hope the online dating world is better than this but this could be the last straw of my faith...

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Why are you caring about superficial crap when dating?
    My brain surgeon friend would write you off but still sleep with you. Because you are willing to.
    He will still save a life the next morning. Because thatís his job.
    He told me on the first date that he is looking for someone to marry

  9. #18
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    How are you putting all of your judgement about the online dating scene as a whole and about this one person that you know into one example someone gives you!? Just as because his job is saving lives it doesn't necessarily mean anything about his personality, neither does one example of a brain surgeon not being a good person not mean anything about the person you are talking about. This is between you and him. Get to know him, then decide what you think of it.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by DimaDemerzel
    Get to know him, then decide what you think of it.
    Thank you DimaDemerzel
    What would be your advice?
    A. Wait for him to contact me
    B. Reach out?

  11. #20
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    I don't see why you would wait in confusion when you could be taking steps towards making everything clearer for the both of you. Let him know if you have serious doubts that he wants you because of his apparent lack of involvement, and make sure to talk about what you really meant by the sex thing the next time you meet. You both have a right to understand what's really going on. I wouldn't worry about seeming desperate, but maybe that's just me. There are ways in which you can casually express that you still want to meet (and on your terms, so that he travels this time and stuff) without appearing like you're all over him already.

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