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Thread: Why are girls scared/intimidated by me?

  1. #1
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    Why are girls scared/intimidated by me?

    I am in high school, 11th grade and it has been proven to me plenty of times that most girls first impressions of me are not so good. Some background information about me that i believe may have something to do with it: I participate in most school athletics- soccer, football, weightlifting, and also have been working out for 3 years. I am 16, pretty athletic, 6 foot and 200 pounds. I am not boasting or anything, i just believe that this relates to how I come off to other people and can be used to help find a solution.

    There has been 2 occasions where I have been walking in the halls, going to the washroom during one of my periods where the halls are usually empty. Twice, I have been walking and another girl starts walking down the hallway coming the opposite direction. Both times it was a girl i knew from elementary school, who I had been following and followed by on Instagram. Just like the average person does, I quickly glanced to see who it was(maybe it was a friend I could talk to or something). I never stared at them, just a quickly glance to see who it was. The only time that I ever look back at a person, is if I see the person continue looking at me for a second after I look away ( THEY ARE STARING!) just to see if they are trying to talk to me or just being rude. Both times when this happened the girl blocked me on Instagram later that day...

    I've never had a girlfriend, except in grade 6 but obviously isnt serious. The only girls that are actually comfortable around me are ones that I knew from elementary school, or girls that I was kinda forced to meet(ex. At work, doing a school project etc.). This is my second question; What can I do to make girls feel more comfortable around me? I'm not a loud obnoxious douche or anything, I just want to be able to start that initial conversation that will help them see that Im normal!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Smile, nod or say hello.

    Check your stance or your posture. Google it. You can give a vibe that you are closed off by your stance.

    Shoulders back, head high, uncross arms, legs and a big smile. Just practice that and see what happens. Do it in a grocery store. Smile at strangers when you have nothing to lose. Do it as an experiment.

    Watch other people who are engaging and watch their actions. Without having met them, you can likely see them with a welcoming and open physical presence.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I too was going to say make sure you smile and look like a friendly person not a grouch or negative person. A stone face wont get you anywhere either. Say hi to people, dont just walk by and say nothing.

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    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with others. Be friendly but don't act weird nor overly enthusiastic. Have good eye contact, have a natural smile, say, "Hi, How are you doing?" quickly. Just be courteous and cordial. Be soft spoken and kind.

    Also, it's difficult to see this now but high school isn't the end all. I never dated in high school, never attended formals nor proms. I really felt out of the loop and hail from a poor background during my childhood. Not that you have to wait this long but I didn't even date until AFTER college! I worked my way through college after my father passed away ever since my high school years. I never had time nor money for a social life plus I helped my widowed mother financially while tending to my younger siblings. After college, I continued to work and when I was 22 years old, I finally entered the social scene with my peers, colleagues and friends. I finally caught up in society. Once others observed that I made it on my own with career, earning power and earned respect, I eventually married up. A whole new world exists out there.

    The moral of this story is that you shouldn't gauge your high school years as how you will be years from now. It's hard to see it now but you will change. As you grow and mature, you will meet new people and you will develop your personality over time. You'll become more sophisticated regarding how you think, act, write, communicate, speak, correspond, all of it. It takes time. You will evolve and transform yourself over the years. Just keep this in mind.

    Don't fret over never having a girlfriend yet. Like me, you're a late bloomer and your patience will pay off. You'll see. Good things happen to those who wait as my mother used to say. Those who have it good now may not necessarily have it good tomorrow just like when I attended my recent high school reunion. All the popular kids have an awful life nowadays whereas the nerds and geeks rose to the top just like cream and they're the ones who've since prospered. Your day in the sun will come!

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Two blocks on Instagram does not a stalker make! You are overthinking this. It's not an issue.

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    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I actually think the blocks on Instagram are weird and there is something not being said about your situation (though that may be because you are unaware). Are you interacting with their accounts at all? Liking pictures or DMing them?

    You mentioned potentially knowing these girls when you were children. Did you develop a reputation as a kid for some type of undesirable behavior aggressive or otherwise?

    I only ask these questions because while I don't think social media matters, it does seem like a strange reaction to someone staring at you briefly or even creepily...

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    Originally Posted by SGH
    I actually think the blocks on Instagram are weird and there is something not being said about your situation (though that may be because you are unaware). Are you interacting with their accounts at all? Liking pictures or DMing them?

    You mentioned potentially knowing these girls when you were children. Did you develop a reputation as a kid for some type of undesirable behavior aggressive or otherwise?

    I only ask these questions because while I don't think social media matters, it does seem like a strange reaction to someone staring at you briefly or even creepily...
    I did not interact with them on Instagram at all. These 2 girls I am referring to i actually have never talked directly to since elementary school.

    You are right about my reputation as a kid though. I believe that my maturity level developed a little early, and as a result when I was in elementary school in grade 7/8 I was going through a rough point of mental development and I was a complete . I was very aggressive and liked to mess around with my friends violently. It seems like this perception stuck and maybe this set them off? who knows. I dont really care about the two girls who blocked me I just want to make sure im not doing anything wrong and it doesnt happen again.

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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I too was going to say make sure you smile and look like a friendly person not a grouch or negative person. A stone face wont get you anywhere either. Say hi to people, dont just walk by and say nothing.
    Youre right. I do have a resting frown face sometimes. Maybe i should lighten up a little

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hide
    I did not interact with them on Instagram at all. These 2 girls I am referring to i actually have never talked directly to since elementary school.

    You are right about my reputation as a kid though. I believe that my maturity level developed a little early, and as a result when I was in elementary school in grade 7/8 I was going through a rough point of mental development and I was a complete . I was very aggressive and liked to mess around with my friends violently. It seems like this perception stuck and maybe this set them off? who knows. I dont really care about the two girls who blocked me I just want to make sure im not doing anything wrong and it doesnt happen again.
    It is very possible you are correct. Given what you've shared, your height, weight and maturity level may be intimidating. But that won't be forever. Everyone matures at a curve, at different rates and eventually (hopefully) you all meet up at a similar place.

    Between now and then prove them wrong and surprise them by pushing yourself out there by being warm and engaging. . . .the rest will come

  11. #10
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    If girls are not comfortable around you, its not your height. We are talking about basic interactions, here, not dating. There were people i went to school with who were really big for their age, had a disability, were really small for their age, and you know what, when they passed someone in the hall they smiled and said "hi". they didn't turn around to see "is that person looking at me?" I think the whole thing that you "reacted to friends violently" may have something to do with things, but you can overcome it by not staring people down and just smiling as you walk in case someone crosses your path and just nodding a hello and not stopping to check if they are checking you out. it is awkward to be the only two people in the hall anyhow. it will take time to not be known as the violent kid so you have to keep smiling, keep being pleasant


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