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Thread: Would it be a good decision to break up although we still love each other?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by chah
    I don't see him so much as an addiction, I don't go crazy if I don't see him for two weeks, if that's what you mean. I don't want to let him go, because I love him and besides the missing romantic intimacy we enrich each others lives. I don't think we could just go from being a couple to being friends because we are intimate when we kiss each other on the cheeks or forehead and cuddle - we do that quite often-, we support each other a lot and to me that feels like more than friendship. I am not asexual, every now and then I do miss kissing and sometimes also advanced romantic intimacy, but my boyfriend misses this physical component more than I do, I think. I still think he is beautiful, but I just don't feel that kind of physical attraction that makes me want to kiss him on the lips and be romantically intimate anymore, although I wish I still felt it.
    Are you a virgin, Chah?
    Do you not have any desire to pleasure him in anyway other than cuddling and mother-like kissing of the cheek?

    By "addicted" I mean that you can't live without one another, are afraid to give up your source of comfort even if you were to be with other partners.

    Do you eve want children?

  2. #12
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    I am and so is he, although we did go a little further than kissing in the beginning, because we both had the desire to do so, but I haven't felt that desire in about a year. We both are afraid of letting go because we love each other. We both want children in ten years or so and I wonder if my lack of desire to pleasure him in anyway other than what you mentioned will eventually come back and if I - or we - can actively do something to make it come back.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by chah
    I am and so is he, although we did go a little further than kissing in the beginning, because we both had the desire to do so, but I haven't felt that desire in about a year. We both are afraid of letting go because we love each other. We both want children in ten years or so and I wonder if my lack of desire to pleasure him in anyway other than what you mentioned will eventually come back and if I - or we - can actively do something to make it come back.
    Well, you know that you are with the wrong man as far as him being your husband or the father of your children. Up to you what you do with that information. I wouldn't say that if he was happy with just cuddling but he's not but because he stays with you anyway (and you with him even though you are not physically attracted to him) is what makes me use the word "addicted" to one another.

    If you do decide to leave him give him the gift of zero contact so he and you can go cold turkey withdrawl from your attachment to one another.

    Will you get back the feeling(s) of wanting to kiss and take it further? You will never know unless you:
    1. Leave and give each other the gift of missing one another.
    2. Start kissing again and see if your motor can be revved up.

    Right now you treat each other like boundary crossing platonic friends.

  4. #14
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    Thank you for your replies, ThatwasThen, we will think about your suggestions.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by chah
    Thank you for your replies, ThatwasThen, we will think about your suggestions.
    Good luck, luv. Hope you figure it out and are content in your decision whatever that may be.

  7. #16
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    End this. It sounds like a platonic friendship.

    You do not communicate or have physical affection. This does not have a future.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by chah

    Concerning the support and love we are a couple, just the romantic component is missing.
    chah, the romantic component IS what differentiates a romantic relationship/being a "couple" from a just a friendship.

    Since the romantic component is missing, what you have is a close, mutually supporting and loving "friendship."

    No doubt you feel a deep level of comfort, and love, but as a good friend not a romantic partner.

    You can cuddle with your friends, give little kisses/pecks, but if there's no physical attraction or sexual desire, then it's simply not a romantic relationship. I am sorry it's just not.

    As far as being addicted, I think it's more "emotional dependency," and if it ended you would feel the loss and pain of that for sure!

    Why not just call it what it is -- and agree it's a very close, loving, mutually-supportive friendship and move forward from there?

    Why this need to define it as a "romantic relationship"?

    I guarantee you that one of these days, you are both going to meet other people who will make you go weak in the knees, who you can't wait to passionately kiss and touch, become physically intimate with -- then you might realize what you have was just a close friendship.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by chah
    Concerning the support and love we are a couple, just the romantic component is missing.
    Out of curiosity, what is it you think distinguishes a good friendship from an actual relationship?

    Yes, couples experience ebbs and flows in sexual activity. But you don't even want to kiss the guy on the lips anymore. I think you have been fighting the obvious truth here, because you know it will hurt him, but you just aren't that into him.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok so both of you are virgins and too young for sex and you like each other but you don't want to kiss anymore. That is very typical of preteen puppy love. Relax. Do not have sex or worry about kissing.
    Originally Posted by chah
    I am and so is he, although we did go a little further than kissing in the beginning,
    We both want children in ten years

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