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Thread: My partner wants to sleep at his female friend`s house

  1. #11

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    The thing is - he could go there many times and I would never know....I guess the fact he communicated this with me - it is a good sign -right?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did you meet? Why is it that you have not met any of each other's friends/family? Unfortunately you are using a lot of hints and tests which are quite transparent that you do not like this idea and do not trust him. For example your "test" is "if he introduces me or invites me, he's not hiding something"

    This idea that you tag along screams "I don't trust you" so he would be a fool not to realize that. So are the ingratiating remarks about "you should go see her blah blah", when it fact it annoys you. You are not being clear nor honest with yourself. You are attempting to subtly manipulate the situation with roundabout wording.

    He does not need your permission to go. Nor does he need lectures on what it means to not be single. You are in fact policing him but attempting to obscure it with psychobabble.

    Where is all the anxiety coming from? Where you cheated on in the past? Do you perceive him to be a ladies man? Or do you think there are other people/reasons he is going there for?
    Originally Posted by GINAKK
    I also have a feeling he will "forget "I mentioned going together.

    I guess, I will say " I admire the fact that you care about your friend. You should certainly go and check on her. However, I will feel really uncomfortable knowing that you will stay there overnight. Being in another woman`s house while you are single- not a problem...but now your circumstances have changed slightly so think about it "
    how does that sound?

  3. #13

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    Wiseman, always appreciate your comments that I see on here.
    Yes, I don't like the idea one bit but that is my issue and I cannot tell him that.
    I don't like the fact that he wants to stay overnight - this is for me wrong on every level.
    I don't trust him yet as I don't have enough data that I can. We getting to know one another. Yes, I was cheated on in a past. Yes, he was called as ladies man by our work colleague ( we met at work ). Yes, he is very charming, loves to flirt but I deeply hope that he wouldn't go further in such nasty , open way.

  4. #14
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    How has your relationship been to this point, OP?

    While this idea of his is not a great one, in and of itself, I am sensing that it's also bringing other issues between you two to the surface.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sadly no matter how you word things, whether he goes or not or you tag along or nor etc will not resolve the enormous trust issues. There will other situations and whatever the case you won't trust him because you were cheated on before and you perceive him to be the office romeo/flirt. What if he goes out for the night or he does not call etc? You will be suspicious of him..
    Originally Posted by GINAKK
    I don't like the fact that he wants to stay overnight - this is for me wrong on every level.
    I don't trust him yet as I don't have enough data that I can.
    I was cheated on in a past.
    he was called as ladies man by our work colleague ( we met at work ). Yes, he is very charming, loves to flirt.

  7. #16

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    MissCanuck, so far, so good. He is a great boyfriend. The wonderful combination of a manly man and someone who knows women very well. Affectionate, attentive and simply a great friend too.
    He did not say he loves me - neither do I. However things are good and I do love him.
    Frankly speaking, I never dated anyone who had female friends that he would visit. This is new to me. Yes, I have male friends but if we meet (if at all as mainly it will be telephone contact)- it will be for lunch, dinner but not in their house and not if I am with someone.

  8. #17

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    Wiseman, he does go out and I gave him all space in the world. He meets with friends etc it is not as bad. I don't feel comfortable him spending night in another woman`s house. It is intimate and just not appropriate in my book

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by GINAKK
    Wiseman, he does go out and I gave him all space in the world. He meets with friends etc it is not as bad. I don't feel comfortable him spending night in another woman`s house. It is intimate and just not appropriate in my book
    Why is it intimate ?
    Where are you assuming he sleeps?
    Are you not assuming that he sleeps in a spare room with a single bed with her cat?
    What IS going through your head that you THINK is intimate?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by GINAKK
    MissCanuck, so far, so good. He is a great boyfriend. The wonderful combination of a manly man and someone who knows women very well. Affectionate, attentive and simply a great friend too.
    He did not say he loves me - neither do I. However things are good and I do love him.
    Frankly speaking, I never dated anyone who had female friends that he would visit. This is new to me. Yes, I have male friends but if we meet (if at all as mainly it will be telephone contact)- it will be for lunch, dinner but not in their house and not if I am with someone.
    And if one of your male colleagues you might meet for lunch moves 2.5 hrs away?
    End of friendship? Or an expensive friendship as in you stay at a hotel overnight just to have lunch? Or you do a 5 hr round trip to have lunch? Or you stay in his spare room and have a decent catch up?
    What would you do??

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by GINAKK
    Wiseman, always appreciate your comments that I see on here.
    Yes, I don't like the idea one bit but that is my issue and I cannot tell him that.
    I don't like the fact that he wants to stay overnight - this is for me wrong on every level.
    I don't trust him yet as I don't have enough data that I can. We getting to know one another. Yes, I was cheated on in a past. Yes, he was called as ladies man by our work colleague ( we met at work ). Yes, he is very charming, loves to flirt but I deeply hope that he wouldn't go further in such nasty , open way.
    Why have you decided itís wrong on EVERY level?
    You donít know their level of friendship.

    Yes you are only getting to know each other. And he certainly is getting to know that you donít trust him. It might be a dealbreaker for him. Itís up to you to decide whatís a dealbreaker for YOU?

    We canít tell you what to do. We only hear your side of the story.

    Yes of course he could be lieing and pretending she is not a fwb and is not actually recovering from an illness but itís up to YOU , your trust and your boundaries.

    You clearly believe he is going there to sleep with her. So go with that if you want. And break up with him.
    If you tell him itís cool to go , you still donít trust him.

    My advice is to say go see your friend, tell him you arenít comfortable with him staying there, let him do what he will.
    And see what happens after that?

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