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  1. Thank you All very much. There is a wide variety of responses indeed. I am cautiously optimistic...yes. Some responses made me realise that maybe I was too harsh and unfair. I certainly do not want to come across as someone who wants to dictate something to someone. I wont even mention going together. I will tell him to go and have a good time, and will try to deal with my discomfort on my own. Bluecastle, thank you for such in depth and thoughtful response. I think you and him have this "straight gay" thing in common. I love that about him but this is also new territory to me. I know they know each other long time but are meeting perhaps every few years. I am not so worried about him cheating with her -I am uncomfortable with the overnight thing. Sure he can cheat here - it takes seconds. He can be cheating as I type this. I have no control over this. So I guess I need to relax and let him do what he wants to do. After all, he told me about it and could easily conceal. He could easily tell he is going to see friend, cousin or whatever. I have to give him a credit for this and not make him regret for doing so.
  2. When did you break up ? What was the final straw ? How did you neglect her? Maybe you can try to step back and contact her after some time will pass. Maybe she will be open to another chance. I know it is hard. I am sorry you are going through this.
  3. I don't want to police- hence I am here to ask for advice....
  4. SherrySher, yes you are right...he is 50 and I don't think he needs to be lectured. I wonder why came up with this idea in the first place. He could travel and stay overnight when he was single but now? you also are right by saying if this would be "Ralph" I would see things differently ...so there you go
  5. Indea, you could not put it any better.....yes, sharing coffees in pyjamas its not something I can easily swallow. It is that intimacy one should share with a partner or family members. Thank you. I will certainly tell him that this overnight part makes me feel uncomfortable.
  6. Based on your responses here OP, it sounds like you just don’t like the intimacy of an overnight stay between your boyfriend and another woman. It doesn’t seem like you’re worried about him cheating, you just don’t want your boyfriend being in that situation, right? Which I find totally reasonable, I wouldn’t like it either. Finally, someone gets me.....that is exactly what I mean....the overnight thing makes me uncomfortable.....thank you Indea. I don't think this has got to do much with a trust. I don't get why would anyone create situation that can invite trouble into relationship.
  7. Wiseman, he does go out and I gave him all space in the world. He meets with friends etc it is not as bad. I don't feel comfortable him spending night in another woman`s house. It is intimate and just not appropriate in my book
  8. MissCanuck, so far, so good. He is a great boyfriend. The wonderful combination of a manly man and someone who knows women very well. Affectionate, attentive and simply a great friend too. He did not say he loves me - neither do I. However things are good and I do love him. Frankly speaking, I never dated anyone who had female friends that he would visit. This is new to me. Yes, I have male friends but if we meet (if at all as mainly it will be telephone contact)- it will be for lunch, dinner but not in their house and not if I am with someone.
  9. Wiseman, always appreciate your comments that I see on here. Yes, I don't like the idea one bit but that is my issue and I cannot tell him that. I don't like the fact that he wants to stay overnight - this is for me wrong on every level. I don't trust him yet as I don't have enough data that I can. We getting to know one another. Yes, I was cheated on in a past. Yes, he was called as ladies man by our work colleague ( we met at work ). Yes, he is very charming, loves to flirt but I deeply hope that he wouldn't go further in such nasty , open way.
  10. The thing is - he could go there many times and I would never know....I guess the fact he communicated this with me - it is a good sign -right?
  11. Apparently they don't have a history together - she used to work with him -years ago. Me going with him would be lovely but he didn't seem too excited when I mentioned that ...he said "its not a bad idea" . If he wont mentioned this today -during our conversation- I don't think I should impose this idea. I am a mess ...cant focus at work :(
  12. I am sorry to hear that you have to go through this....you said she was a rock and that you are both falling in love. Life, however tends to throw obstacles our way. Since she offered for you to go with her - go...I am sure you will than meet the ex and will have a better understanding of their friendship these days. After that trip, she may not want to go again without you. Please don't worry in advance - get excited just as her and plan this trip together.
  13. Dawn, I think you felt this was a right thing to do. You are still super young and there is no point to settle for less. You can do bad all by yourself. He seems proud but does not doing much to change anything ....give him space and watch.
  14. Thank you for all the comments. Last night he said he needs to talk to me face to face. I have a feeling that he will mention that he wants to go and see her. Somehow, I also have a feeling he will "forget "I mentioned going together. So we are meeting later this evening. When I suggested going with him, I did not think of going to see her-unless she would like to. I was thinking to spend time in town while he is with her and than we could have evening together. Sort of two in one. He never mentioned introducing me to her or any other friends as of yet. I don't want to impose. I guess, I will say " I admire the fact that you care about your friend. You should certainly go and check on her. However, I will feel really uncomfortable knowing that you will stay there overnight. Being in another woman`s house while you are single- not a problem...but now your circumstances have changed slightly so think about it " how does that sound?
  15. Before I mentioned the idea about the hotel, he did mention that if I will feel uncomfortable, he may take a hotel. This surprised me as he does not spend money easily....than I said about that hotel idea together. It is not like she does not want him there, apparently when they are talking, she keeps saying that she is fine. She is single and has no kids. She has two sisters who live quite far. I am a bit jealous too....he never displayed such caring side with me yet but that's another story.
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