2019helpme Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Am I over reacting or is my partner spending nights at his exs house to see their child wrong? He was cheating on her and they broke up. He says he sleeps on the sofa and nothing is going on and he’s there for he child only but I find it strange especially knowing he has tried to get back with her within the last year. Link to comment
thisisrichey Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 this is a tough call. his history says he very well could attempt to cheat again. but it didn' work getting back with her so i can't see it working now (did she refuse or did they try and fail?) other thoughts: why can't the kid come to your or his place instead of always being at the mom's place? i'd be curious to know the answer to that last question... Link to comment
indea08 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 His kid is asleep over night, there’s no reason for him to be there. It’s confusing to the child, it’s blurring boundaries. There are millions of great guys out there who don’t spend the night with their ex, date one of them. Link to comment
SGH Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Girl, you're the side chick. Link to comment
JSDXO Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Why can't his child sleep at his place? I would not be okay with that. Totally unessacary unless there was a one time circumstance that rendered it and had a reasonable explanation. Link to comment
Andrina Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I would never date anyone who cheated in the past, because it takes an epiphany to change ones poor ethics, which rarely happens. Link to comment
Saltbabe74 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 So part of what I didn’t share in post for help was I believe he’s still in love with his ex wife. He started pulling away while living with me and staying at his ex wife’s longer to be with his kids. I totally support kids come first however, there’s a balance to doing so and staying the night isn’t part of it Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 History of cheating and staying over at her house. No way! Oh goodness, he is also in love with her. Why are you with this guy? Link to comment
Annia Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I' not saying his cheating (but he has a cheating past though), but what's the logic in sleeping there? Why can't he visit the child during the day? Or even if he visits during the night, why can't he leave after the child is asleep? Makes no sense nor does it seem in the child's best interests. Link to comment
Never after Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 They say once a cheater always a cheater. I believe people can change but in his case I doubt he has. He does not need to sleep over her house ESPECIALLY if he's still in love w her. He shouldn't even be dating if he's not over her, which he clearly isn't. He's using the kids as a excuse to spend time w her and of you complain he can pull the "its for the kids card" therfore making you look and feel like the bad guy (which you're not). I would leave him and find a guy worthy of your time. Dtmfa Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I say he's sleeping with the ex. There's no other logical reason than that. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Why are you still involved with him? He has overstepped many boundaries, and likely sleeping with her. Link to comment
Clio Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 You are clinging to a cheater who appears to be still in love with his ex. What makes you think that he will treat you any better than his former family? The man messed up the life of his own children. Why would he treat you any better? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 How long have you been dating. Was he cheating on her with you? Yes, this is an odd arrangement. Why can't his children stay with him on his custody days? Are this ex/kids long distance? Unfortunately not only is this a weird arrangement, you don't trust him based on his past cheating and his attempts to get back with her. Don't be a rebound or filler while he tries to renegotiate their relationship. He's not ready to date. It's that simple. my partner spending nights at his exs house to see their child wrong? He was cheating on her he has tried to get back with her within the last year. Link to comment
Annia Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 So, what are you still doing with him? Where is your backbone and self-respect? That'd explain his projection and being so controlling of who you're hang out with. It's him who's not to be trusted. Link to comment
2019helpme Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 He said he had to stay because the child was poorly and she had asked for help. Even if I say anything he gets defensive. Link to comment
2019helpme Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 We’ve been seeing each other for nearly 3 years. He cheated on her with me then he told me they broke up before the child was born. He stays there because it’s a 45min drive back to where he lives. I do find this is a weird arrangement he just said he was staying this time because the child was poorly and she’ had said she may need him. Link to comment
2019helpme Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 From the messages I’ve seen she was refusing. Usually the kid does however this time it was her day and the kid was poorly and she said she may need him Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Is this arrangement a regular thing for them? Why after 3 yrs is it troubling you now? We’ve been seeing each other for nearly 3 years. He stays there because it’s a 45min drive back to where he lives. He cheated on her with me. Link to comment
Annia Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 We’ve been seeing each other for nearly 3 years. He cheated on her with me then he told me they broke up before the child was born. He stays there because it’s a 45min drive back to where he lives. I do find this is a weird arrangement he just said he was staying this time because the child was poorly and she’ had said she may need him. Most often than not the saying "how you get them is how you lose them" seems to be true. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 We’ve been seeing each other for nearly 3 years. He cheated on her with me then he told me they broke up before the child was born. He stays there because it’s a 45min drive back to where he lives. I do find this is a weird arrangement he just said he was staying this time because the child was poorly and she’ had said she may need him. Right. You know he's a liar and completely capable of cheating. Again, why are you staying? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I'm confused as to why she is even with him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Did you know that he was a married man with a kid when you were cheating? Did she know that he was cheating? Who ended the marriage? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Forty five minutes is not that far. My daily commute is over an hour, each way. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 Mod note: To end all the confusion - Saltbabe75 and 2019helpme are not the same person. Please reply to the OP only. Thanks. Link to comment
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