Please help lingering dead end rship.

Iv been in a relationship for 12 years. Engaged for 6. Recently we parted ways for a short period this was the first “break up”. After a few days he wanted me back. Doesn’t get in with my father. But he is the most selfish person I know. We don’t live together I only see him at the weekends due to an hours travel. Everything he does is for himself. Promises are made but never happen. He wants to get a house. But am just stopped in my tracks hurt by disappointment Snd forever searching for answers. He can’t fly so that’s another thing I just have to put up with BUT he can fly for a stag party ?! Selfish ? He doesn’t like going out but if I wasn’t down he can manage it. Am honest family oriebtated and hard working. And quite frankly fed up having to always make sacrifices why is he so selfish ? He mistreats me my family and his own also he’s just the great guy in front of outside company / his pals / their girlfriends. When he puts on this act I want to choke him lol ! Help.

What is your issue that you don't leave someone you don't even like? You may think you love him but you sure at chit don't like him.

Another thing: Engaged for six years. Who is kidding who there?

Help? Yes, get help from a good therapist that will help give you the strength and the confidence and the self-worth to dump him, heal and get yourself with someone who shows you he values you. Clearly this guy does not.

Don't waste anymore good dating years on the likes of him.

You should just end it. Stop allowing yourself to be a doormat that he wipes his feet on. Perhaps you need to see a therapist to work on improving your self-esteem and self-confidence. Like ThatwasThen said, "Engaged for six years. Who is kidding who there?" When I got engaged, the first word out of my wife-to-be's mouth was "when?" Just walk away from this guy.

Hi Brighteyes, and welcome.

At the risk of sounding obtuse, may I ask why you created this thread? Was it simply to trash him or did you have another reason?

Reason I ask is doesn’t it seem rather obvious what you need to do?

I am not quite sure what else there is to say really, the answer is staring you right in the face.

LEAVE for goodness sakes, get your a$$ outta there ASAP, come on now.

This is actually about YOU (and why you choose to stay in such an abhorrent and toxic situation), NOT him.

Life is too short to be miserable with someone you're not even married to.

What is your issue that you don't leave someone you don't even like? You may think you love him but you sure at chit don't like him.

 

Another thing: Engaged for six years. Who is kidding who there?

 

Help? Yes, get help from a good therapist that will help give you the strength and the confidence and the self-worth to dump him, heal and get yourself with someone who shows you he values you. Clearly this guy does not.

 

Don't waste anymore good dating years on the likes of him.

I was also wondering why engaged for 6 years. Usually after engagement there should be concrete plans to marry. And why engaged with someone who in 12 years didn't want to live with you (unless it's cultural there that people only live together after marriage), but still weird.

But anyway this relationship seems dysfunctional and that it doesn't make you happy. So why stay?

According to you:

You have been in a relationship for 12 years.

You have been engaged for 6 years.

He is the most selfish person you know.

Forever searching for answers.

Stopped in your tracks by hurt and disappointment.

You don't live together and only see each other on weekends.

He's a great guy in front of his pals and their girlfriends.

He treats your family and his family badly.

The most likely truth is that he doesn't want to be with you, and instead of manning up and telling you he is being a coward and trying to push you to the point of breaking it off with him. If you like the way he treats you then by all means keep it up... if not, consider giving him what he wants.

Wow how old are you? You are literally wasting your life and all your youth with him. Cut him off!!!

Doesn’t get in with my father. But he is the most selfish person I know.

Who is?

Him or your Father?

Dead end and lingering don't go together for me. If I can't get what I want from a relationship, I do whatever it takes to retire it and move my focus forward.

Nobody else is responsible for choosing where we place our bookends.

Looks like the OP was a hit and run.

I am sorry you are in a bad relationship. It sounds like your partner treats you very disrespectfully. We teach others how to treat us. Someone can't treat you badly unless you allow it. You are a special, valuable person. You don't deserve to be mistreated. Spend some time working on yourself and find out why you have allowed this to continue for such a long time? When you are healthy with who you are then you can be healthy with someone else.