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Thread: Sugar daddy to dating to commited but no relationship

  1. #1
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    Sugar daddy to dating to commited but no relationship

    6 months ago I joined a sugar daddy site as a baby. I met a guy, he was on there cos he wanted a relationship, I did not cos I was in love with my fwb, but we hadnít seen each other for 5 months (though talked for hours at least twice a week). Sugar daddy and I chatted for a few days and got along really well. I went out with some girl friends in a Saturday night and got a bit drunk. I went to his place and we ed.
    We started dating. I broke it off after 2 months. I slept with fwb again. Sugar daddy and I started dating again (unspoken), at this point I was seeing both of them- they both knew. I spent most of my week with sugar daddy and about once or twice a month with fwb (he lives 3 hours away)sugar daddy and I started to get feelings. I wanted to make it official, he said no. Fwb and I had always discussed getting married to help with visa problems. This situation happened. I broke it off with sugar daddy as fwb wanted a monogamous relationship when married. I was really sad. Fwb ed his other fwb, I thought it was over. Went back to sugar daddy. I was happy there. Fwb still wanted the arrangement. I said yes again (I wasnít innocent, I had done sugar daddy once too). I decided I couldnít go through with marriage cos I loved sugar daddy. I told fwb. He understood. I went back to sugar daddy. We are in a committed relationship but he will not make it official. He has never seen anyone since we met. He says he doesnít wanna date or have a girlfriend at this point of his life as heís going through another part of his divorce (5years later). We spend at least 3 nights a week together, he calls me for hours every day when we donít see each other. We live the life of a couple but he wonít say that. Iím good with what we have but I feel insecure cos he wonít make it official and he plans in seeing his stripper ex for a few days. They caught up not long ago for a 3 day holiday and they didnít , though she tried numerous times (I believe him, weíve always been honest), I canít help but feel he wonít make it official cos now sheís talking to him every day (they didnít before the last meeting) and they are gonna see each other in the next week or so. He is still as loving and attentive, he still tells me he loves me and doesnít wanna be with anyone else. Thoughts?

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    Well, I'm a bit confused because it seems you're mixing business with pleasure. The line between being a sugar baby and being a girlfriend is kind of blurred here. What exactly is your arrangement? Usually, you receive a certain amount of money and sometimes a paid-for apartment in return for being exclusive. Are you charging just by date? A sugar baby treats her daddy like a boyfriend but with boundaries. It seems unusual that you were seeing your friend at the same time you had an arrangement with your daddy. You talk about making things official and being in a committed relationship. Again, this is suppose to be a business relationship.

    So I guess I should ask what exactly are you expecting in all this? Are you just trying to earn some money or do you want to be his girlfriend? And how will being his girlfriend change the arrangement.

    I would tell you to be careful about your boundaries. You don't want to get carried away in all of this.

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    Yeah youíre right. After a few weeks we decided that a sugar relationship wasnít gonna work for us as we both developed feelings. He was helping me pay bills at the start and I had very specific boundaries, but we ended that arrangement to pursue a proper dating relationship. He still wanted to help me financially but I refused to make it equal terms. We did this for a month before I ended it. We never did the sugar daddy thing again.
    I want to be his girlfriend. I say Iím a sugar baby and he was my daddy but there is only 3 years difference between us. I started seeing fwb cos he said back then it was nothing.
    That nothing changed to ĎI love youí s. Now he tells me doesnít wanna see anyone but me, heís not looking and heís committed to me but doesnít want the title of boyfriend.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why are you hard up for money? Do you work or go to school? What do you need a visa for? Why can't you get a work or study visa? Your sugar daddy is married and can't offer you a visa or marriage. Your other bedfellow won't marry you either.
    Originally Posted by Kittymeows
    6 months ago I joined a sugar daddy site as a baby. I wanted to make it official, he said no. heís going through another part of his divorce

    Fwb and I had always discussed getting married to help with visa problems.

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    Well I'm a bit confused too because I thought that a Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby relationship is not really monogamous but is more like a business transaction or escort and client relationship. Like, in a sense that while they may enjoy each other's company, they have each other for a specific primary reason. The Daddy has the baby for sex and she has him for money. In many cases both people would be seeing other people too. I don't really think you have a right to expect this man to fully commit to you and be monogamous because a) You weren't exclusive with him either, you had your FWB; and b) You met him on a Sugar Daddy web site. The way this whole thing started was not your typical dating and if this man was looking for a sugar baby rather than girlfriend, that was obviously for a reason? Maybe he does want that type of arrangement where he provides financially for a woman in exchange for sex, but that gives him the freedom to also see other women and do what he wants.

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    So he's getting you for free? I think you've made a major mistake. Being a Sugar Baby is one thing, but now you're his mistress. He might be just using you. Despite whatever he's telling you about getting a divorce, he is still married. And he was on a Sugar Baby site. You should have kept to the arrangement. Guys will do and say anything to get free sex. At least the Sugar Baby relationship gave you the upper hand. I think what you're doing may be a big mistake. He could dump you and you'll have nothing. The fact he won't make his relationship with you "official" is a bit telling.

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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well I'm a bit confused too because I thought that a Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby relationship is not really monogamous but is more like a business transaction or escort and client relationship.
    It can be monogamous. It's not prostitution per se. A true Sugar Baby arrangement would be where a Sugar Daddy pays for an apartment and a "salary," and the Baby promises to be monogamous. It can be more like a consort, a courtesan, or a concubine relationship. But it also can be a pay-per-date It's whatever two people agree to.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Kitty: Why don't you dump both of these guys because neither one is really only "doing" you (I'm more then sure SD is still doing his wife and your FWB isn't going to commit to anything monogamous with you)?

    Cleanse yourself of both of them for EVER, start clean after some therapy to help you with your self-worth and inability to be alone and be happy and when you're feeling more independent and confident, date then.

    You are a temporary soft place to land for both of these men. Don't let them have you in that capacity a moment longer is my advice.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    He says he doesnít wanna date or have a girlfriend at this point of his life as heís going through another part of his divorce
    It's pretty clear, no? I mean, he literally spelled it out for you in black and white. And now that you have continued to be exclusive with him, he has (rightfully so) assumed that you are okay with the above arrangement.

    The man is still married, is seeing his ex who happens to be a stripper, is in an "exclusive" sexual relationship with his sugar baby. Even if he hadn't said the above, it would be clear from his actions that he has no desire to settle down and have a GF.

  11. #10
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    My bad, I was a bit unclear. He was on a sugar daddy site specifically to find a relationship, not just for business arrangements. I was in there for business, not a relationship. He got divorced 5 years ago. He has nothing to do with his ex wife other than the continued court cases.
    His justification for not having the title boyfriend is that while he is committed to me, he canít do a proper relationship at this time as he canít work towards common goals because he is focused on the court cases (these started again after we met). Itís difficult for him both emotionally and financially and I get that. I pursue him more for sex than he does with me. He told me last night that he wants to build more emotional intimacy. Itís just the title, I donít know why I want it so bad...
    Stripper ex is pursuing him. Sheís 11 years his junior and stunning. I trust him when he says he wonít do anything with her, but I donít trust her.
    Visa problems were not my own, but my fwb.

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