I feel out of place

So my boyfriend has recently just moved into shared accommodation where there’s 5 other people (they all share kitchen and bathrooms) and I’ve been staying over his for a few nights here and there.

What I’ve found is that every time we go to the kitchen to cook dinner, one of his housemates always comes down to cook at the same time and they’re just always talking. Conversation doesn’t stop and often it’s about stuff that I can’t give any input into as I have no idea what they’re even talking about. On the one hand I recognise that my boyfriend is just being friendly with his housemate, but I feel so out of place. I sit there in silence like I’m not even there and if anything, it feels like I’m intruding? So now I’ve just taken to staying in his room whilst this is happening so I just don’t feel so awkward..

I know that some people will say that I should speak to him about it, but I guess I don’t want to come across as crazy and the jealous girlfriend but is it normal to feel like you’re an intruder on your boyfriend and his housemates conversation?

This one's on you, OP.

If you want to participate, smile and say hello when a housemate comes into the kitchen. Ask how they're doing. Set the tone that you are open to an affable chat. If they are unresponsive, it's not your problem. If they chat about things that you aren't caught up on, I would continue helping cook, grab a glass of wine or water, hang out in the kitchen while they talk. Jump into the conversation where and when appropriate.

Hiding in his room isn't the solution. You are not doing much to help yourself feel less like an intruder. I am not sure what exactly you would speak to him about - what do you want him to do about it, specifically?

Is this "intruding" house mate a man or woman?

What could they possibly talk about that would leave you completely unable to join in on?

This sounds much too cramped. Do not stay there. It's their house not yours. This is the only place they have to prepare meals. Go home if you don't like it. His paying roommates have the right to eat in their own kitchen and have conversations about whatever they want. They do not have to entertain you.

You feel like an intruder because in a way, you are intruding in their house and their kitchen/cooking time as well as their bathroom times, space, etc. .

Why do you have to be there at dinner time taking up space cooking with him? Why are you sleeping over? Go on dates then go home or hang out at your place. Can't you go to your place or go out? Why can't you two pick up dinner, go on a picnic whatever? Why crowd these roommates out?

So my boyfriend has recently just moved into shared accommodation where there’s 5 other people and I’ve been staying over his for a few nights here and there.

 

What I’ve found is that every time we go to the kitchen to cook dinner, one of his housemates always comes down to cook at the same time and they’re just always talking. Conversation doesn’t stop and often it’s about stuff that I can’t give any input into as I have no idea what they’re even talking about.

To each their own, but I would not feel comfortable spending the night with a boyfriend while 5 other roommates are living there.

JMO....

Because he lives about two hours away now so we stay round each other’s house whenever we see each other?

From your other thread a few days ago:

"So my boyfriend of two months recently just moved away. We are only an hour or so away from one another so we’re still going to see each other during weekends. For some reason though, I just keep worrying about him cheating and finding someone else although he hasn’t given me any reason to feel this way... but I just can’t shake it off. It’s got to a point where I’m even worried he’ll fall for one of his housemates. What do I do?"

Is this the real cause for your concern, and the reason you're so uncomfortable at his new house?

Is this housemate one of the female ones you were worried about?

Reading between the lines here... is the roommate a woman and are you worried/jealous that he's going to get closer to her and she gets to spend all this time with him and you feel neglected?

Also, guessing you are all young - early 20s or so, maybe some of them are studying and this is a cheap place to live while doing so?

In my early 20s, I lived in a big old house in a similar arrangement to this. It's basically communal living, and if you aren't used to it, of course you will feel awkward. I was used to busy loud people coming in and out, and it still was hard. They are making the most of it- one of the good things is you can make friends in a different way. I met a friend who taught me to make risotto and was becoming a chef - one of the highlights of so many nights interrupted , stolen things, having food and even toilet paper gone when you need it.

The solution is keep your time there very brief. To pick him up for dates. For a quick little visit or drop off.

You've only known him eight weeks right?! Either you opt to trust him or no. Dating instead of hanging out will make you feel better too!

Hmm. You may have overstayed your welcome. He only moved about two weeks ago and you said "I’ve been staying over his for a few nights here and there." How many days have you stayed over the last two weeks? Keep in mind you're not the one paying rent.

Going back to your cheating question, housemates can get to know each other better than boyfriend/girlfriends. Housemates can seem quite cozy together. If you're the jealous type, you may get the wrong idea. Another reason not to be around so much.

I'd avoid holing up in BF's room. That comes off as creepy--and will only make you feel creepier.

When visiting BF I'd either go out to eat or do takeout so you're not prepping meals in the kitchen. Otherwise, I'd remain quietly friendly with all housemates but limit my visits to avoid imposing resentments about being there too much.

If I find it easier and more fun to have BF stay with me, then I'd invite him as often as possible. I'd make it worth his while to do the travel by treating him to fabulous meals and by learning the things he find valuable that I can use to bribe him.