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Thread: Are age gaps the last taboo?

  1. #31
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    but hahahaha...they stay married.
    Gotta find a widower then swoop right in!!

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    Major incompatibilities in relationships happen when one party goes through a major change that the other party can't or won't be able to follow. One person moves and the other one doesn't. One drug addict recovers and the other stays addicted. (Or someone gets a new vice the other doesn't). There is a tragedy and it changes each member in very different ways. All of these can happen to any relationship. Age gaps add an extra one, in that you increase the amount of these kinds of transitions the relationship must weather. One person is still into clubbing or going out often, while the other grows out of it and wants to settle down.

    I am not making a judgement on YOUR relationship, but the other issue is that there is such a power imbalance, that these types of relationships are more likely to be abusive.

    It is for these two reasons that I don't think it is the same as the other taboos you mentioned. On the other hand, the social makeup of society can have an effect on even these. If the economy were flatter, putting older and younger members of society pretty even in terms of wealth, say, some system where younger members are given a significant allowance, and older members are heavily taxed, that would lessen the chance for those power imbalances that enable abuse. Similarly, medical or health/nutrition improvements can push back those ages where energy drops, enabling those later transitions to happen further on.

    Or, you know. If life expectancy drops, and having as many babies as possible becomes the most important part of relationships again, then you will see this taboo go away. Because the values are different.
    This is one of the most intelligent things I've read on the Internet. Ever.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I'm not sure where you get that from because believe me, 73 and 20 is very very very high on the EWWWW scale! Ugh.
    I guess just the fact that you can search for these age-gap couples (George Clooney, Harrison Ford, Alec Baldwin) and their young brides, and the word "disgusting" never comes up. Even with Ellison (74 now) and his 20-something wife, no one seems outraged. Obviously they are decades apart:

    [Register to see the link]

    My girlfriend and I have a much smaller gap, but she's convinced people are judging us constantly.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I find this very interesting. Is she aware that your plans are to spend some years with her (if it works out) and then break up? Is she just some eye-candy for you to parade around? Just curious.......
    We talk about it all the time (too much, honestly, because it's kind of a depressing subject). She's going to law school in 2 years and will likely move away then. And she's hardly "eye candy." Sheesh...

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie24
    Gotta find a widower then swoop right in!!
    LOL...I did. At my class reunion a month ago. Nice looking too. But bored me to tears. First night he picked me up to go eat...he already had my fb picture as his screensaver on his phone! Yikes. Then during the dinner I mentioned I had a small house in Florida. He said...very seriously...I don't want to move to Florida!!! I thought...Who the hell asked ya??

    OK...Thread back to OP.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Funny that you describe this as the last taboo. Speaking in broad brushstrokes here, men have been dating younger for...well, for just about forever. I don't think people really care about it in the way they once shunned homosexuality or inter-racial romance, but maybe the eyebrow that was always raised internally is now just less hidden.
    Think of it this way: the revulsion that people felt with (say) a black man touching a white woman was visceral. It felt somehow like a crime against what "God wants for us." (I'm making this up because I was never part of this class of Americans, but I have older relatives who were).

    I am old enough to remember people openly describing the nausea they felt at the thought of two men kissing. Honestly, the idea still makes me uncomfortable. But I would never begrudge two people in love from being together even if they are both men.

    Is Age Gap Distaste Different? Ok, so many people here have said that a 74 yr old and a 25 yr old is "Gross" and it's "Eww"? Where is that coming from? Is it a visceral reaction to the idea that two such people are sexually involved? That a wrinkled desiccated hand is touching a young supple hand? If yes, how is this any different from the above?

    Perhaps some of the friction you're describing is the result of society becoming more equal—not perfect, by any means, but a far cry from the 1950s when a lot of proto-male bs wasn't called out. Today it's different. So when you have, say, a certain type of man (30s/40s, decent looking, successful, into his own hobbies, etc.) dating someone in, say, her mid-20s (likely attractive, but still very much coming into her own) it's hard not to make some unsavory assumptions about the dynamic. The man gets judged a bit for not having the confidence to date an equal, and the woman gets judged a bit for dating a dude who doesn't want to date an equal.
    I think this is pretty astute and probably spot-on.

    And yet, kind of infuriating. Why would anyone feel entitled to make assumptions about other people based on 1 or 2 points of information. And then draw harsh conclusions as a result.

    Curious: Does your gf feel "stared at" primarily by men or women?
    Primarily older women. They seem to be the most interested in our relationship and the most pissed off by it. (This is according to my girlfriend... I never notice other people staring at us, but I'm not as observant as she is.)

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    And she's hardly "eye candy." Sheesh...


    But that's what people think. Older guy...younger woman...arm candy. Just like an older woman with a younger guy...she must want him just for the sex.

    My twin brother...so old (63) married a Fillipino girl a few years ago. She was 33. He said he wanted someone who would still want sex. ugh She had a 9 month old and her (older) husband had just died of a heart attack. He realized she wanted him for security, and hopefully she realizes what he wants her for...

    She's a really nice girl. I honestly can't figure out how she can tolerate my brother. But you do what you can do. They live a comfortable life. It's only been 3 years...so we'll see.






  9. #38
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    Primarily older women.

    LOL...cuz the older guys are envious!!!


  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    It's telling, maybe,
    Blue: you've been very fair and warm in sharing your thoughts, but "It's telling" gives me the chills... usually this is followed up with some attempt to mind-read and then tell me what I'm "really thinking" as if I somehow must be unaware of it. In other words, people who start sentences that way are not usually warming up to drown me in compliments... and here we go...

    that when OP describes what makes this so fun is that his favorite activity (rock climbing) is shared. And, hey, she's probably enjoying being with someone who can show her new things: climbing, meals, trips. But she brings to the table...Netflix?
    You misread. I said, in my post you're referring to, that my favorite thing is climbing, that we both enjoy travel, dining, spending time with friends, and that we both watch Netflix (though it's more her thing than mine). You interpreted this as "her only contribution to the relationship is Netflix." That's both wrong and pretty uncharitable.

    I'd wager she's also super cool, sweet, chill—a lot of adjectives men use when describing younger women, though of course there are super cool, sweet, and chill women in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s.
    You'd lose your wager. I have said "sweet" but she's probably said that more to me. And "super cool, chill"... not how I talk.

    Nice try though. Do you want to add in how I probably drive a Corvette and wear suede suits and have lots of gold necklaces and go to Vegas every weekend too? :rolleyes:

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    So you're acknowledging that she'll make a great wife to someone else some day?

    This is your girlfriend you're talking about, the relationship you've spent 3 pages defending, talking about how happy you are?

    Why are you already planning for her to marry "someone else"?
    I'm deeply in love with this woman. I would give anything to keep her in my life. But I'm not going to demand she reveal our relationship to her parents and that they revise their views on age-appropriateness for their daughter. That would be insanity.

    She wants to get married. She wants children. I totally understand that plan and I'd love to be part of it, but it just won't happen given my age and her parents' views. I've accepted that and so has she. It's depressing to think we'll have to part in a couple of years, but I'd rather have spent this time with her than anyone else on the planet, so I try and keep that perspective in mind.

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