Advice for bringing up these issues, and should I end it?

I've been seeing a really great guy in a semi long-distance relationship (1.5hr away) for about 7 months now. He consistently treats me better than anyone I've been with before. He's not my first relationship nor my longest, but he's the first person I've told "I love you" to - and I do love him. But I have two major concerns.

1) When we got together, he was only two weeks out of a 5-year relationship. He insisted that he was over it. Because of her issues (alcoholic cheater), he said he'd fallen out of love and had been ready to start a new chapter for a long time. I accepted that answer and let it go and things were great, but the swiftness with which he was able to go from his previous relationship to me STILL makes me uneasy. I'm not an insecure person, but it makes me feel insecure. I find myself wondering if I'm just a band-aid. I also wonder what he could see in me since it would seem that I am SO different from his ex (and from pictures on social media, so was their relationship). It is driving me crazy and I find myself becoming more and more discouraged by the unknown, so I know I need to bring this up, but I don't know how.

2) Since we started seeing each other, he's been coming to my town every weekend. Over the past couple of months, however, his schedule has gotten busier and it hasn't been unusual to see each other every other week. But now it seems that his schedule is becoming more packed and things keep coming up - I might not see him for two weeks in a row this month. He's talked about moving closer, but I've not seen any concrete actions to indicate that's going to happen. After all, he has a great job where he's at, not to mention all of his family and friends nearby. I don't want to pressure him to do anything that he's not ready for or doesn't make sense for his life. But the thing is, fall and winter will come and bring holidays that we'll want to spend with our respective families and the weather will get bad which will bring sketchy roads. I can see us drifting apart and not lasting through the winter. I also open up slowly and feel as though I've plateaued in that regard, given how often we've been able to see each other. Is this obstacle alone enough to call it quits? I don't see a way around it, I'm already starting to feel single.

You've made solid case.

If he was putting forth solid effort you'd not be facing this dilemma.

Nor would be his moving forward so fast be magnified as an issue.

As people distance from each other relationships are sometimes long broken before put to rest.

So find the strength and take decisive action. He'll have to declare or put forth effort. Put yourself first.

I think it's a good idea to follow your instincts. If you sense he is backing off, mirror that. See what happens. Some may say you should bring it up and talk about it. Maybe so - but in my experience that usually makes me feel better for the moment the person is telling me all is well and not to worry; and then we hang up the phone or part and things still seem to be the same or worse. I am sure others have had better experiences - but you sound pretty level headed so if you feel like something is off, just take a breath and focus on you and things you need to do for a bit. It will take the pressure off him (which he may be sensing) and it will also help you to detach a little so you can think about what works for you and what doesn't.

I agree with the others. The relationship may be running its course for typical reasons generally associated with rebounding. It doesn't mean that he didn't genuinely like you, but he probably wasn't ready to truly commit again to another woman straight out of a 5-year relationship. I know I would certainly need time and breathing room to find myself again after such a long and co-dependent relationship. You seem to have a good head on your shoulder about the situation, so continue to trust your instincts and let this one go. I have a feeling he carries a lot of baggage that you don't know about yet and do not want to have to deal with anyway.

I don't think it has anything to do with you being a rebound. You're getting these fears because he can't be with you as much as you'd like. It's the distance. A 1.5-hour drive is tiring. And as you point out, with the weather and everything, there's going be times you're not going to see him.

You both need to find people who live closer to you. It's as simple as that.

Before I give my thoughts, can you clarify - you say he comes to see you every weekend. Do you go to see him as well? Have you offered?

Unfortunately there is not much you can do about him claiming he is increasingly busy. Do you ever visit him? It's possible you are a rebound, given the time frame. At 7 mos in it's way too soon to talk about moving.

If it is starting to seem like the distance is too much and the busy signal is too much, consider telling him you're not a match. Confronting him about you stalking his ex and "how she's different" sounds too strange. Just end it if it makes you that uneasy.

Do not obsess about his ex. He may have been trying to convince himself he's "moving on", but really hasn't. Also take descriptions of exes with a grain of salt. In the throes of a recent breakup they are all "cheating, psycho, abusive monsters", but in fact they may have a strong bond and on/off relationship.

1.5hr away for about 7 months. he's been coming to my town every weekend. he was only two weeks out of a 5-year relationship. his schedule has gotten busier. I can see us drifting apart and not lasting through the winter.

You absolutely should not bring up no1. They are your issues and you should deal with them. Why would you confront your poor partner with insecurities you have generated yourself by paying far too much attention to his ex? Remodel your behaviour to reduce your anxiety and shift your focus.

No2. I suggest you open a discussion about the reduced amount of time you have seen each other when you next have a date. Not in an accusatory way, in an it’s a shame we can’t see each other as often as we used to, kind of way. Do you ever go to see him, I imagine if you don’t then he’s is probably getting sick of pulling more than his fair share of the weight. If you give him a safe space to discuss this then you might find some solutions.

Like others have said it may just be running it’s course.

Having been through 2 relationships with the same distance, I learned my lesson. Never again.

We all go into it with the best of intentions and for a minority it works out. But for practical reasons that you just listed, it does get more and more difficult as time passes.

All the obstacles you didn't want to address going into start coming to the surface. Who's going to make the sacrifice and is the gamble worth it? At 7 months it's too soon to tell. So now what do you do? Invest more time into it or call it a day?

I don't have an answer for you but I will suggest you start having these challenging conversations sooner than later.

2) Since we started seeing each other, he's been coming to my town every weekend. Over the past couple of months, however, his schedule has gotten busier and it hasn't been unusual to see each other every other week.

so....are your legs broken? Is there any reason YOU can't do the driving to see him. Its not far. My brother in law commutes that far every day to work. If you are never returning the favor and visiting him - it could very well be he can't be away all weekend because of projects at work, important family events, etc, but if you drove to him, he could go on a date with you or spend a late night and a morning.

I think you should not say 'we never see eachother" i would say "i have an idea -- why don't i come up in a weekend or two -- even if i don't stay all weekend.

OR MEET HALFWAY for dinner sometimes. 45 minutes is not a big deal to meet in the middle and try a new restaurant. Why not suggest it? he can't be doing all the heavy lifting.

I i was in his shoes and the other party expected me to drive all the time, i would lose interest or be sincerely having other obligations that needed to be handled that preclude me from living like i am on vacation every weekend

Just to add.. have you talked to him about any of this? If you two are in a relationship then I hope you feel comfortable enough to have discussions about issues that bother you. Get the issues out in the open first, then decide.