Friend brought up an ex, made me extremely jealous?

The 3 of us hang out quite a bit and I've grown kinda close to my bf's friend. There have been a few times where his friend has brought up one of his ex's and how hot she was. Obviously his friend isn't my bf and I don't care if he talks about how hot women are. My issue is that my bf did agree w/him, but never said anything how I was better. I know this is pretty petty, but it makes me think that my bf lies to me when he says I'm the best and most gorgeous woman he has dated. I mentioned how it bothered after the 1st time and the 2nd time my bf told his friend not to talk about it when he saw that I got upset. Should I be worried? This really bothers me a lot.

Should I be worried?.

I don't understand. Should you be worried about what?

Well, I'm a guy so let me tell you this. When a guy falls in love with a girl, that girl will look like a godess, even tough she's not that pretty. So when you lay next to each other and his feelings for you are intense at that moment: YOU ARE the most gorgeous and best woman he's ever dated !

Aside that, you can't be the prettiest girl he's ever seen. I understand it may annoy you if he says things like that, but if your relationship is going well, I wouldn't bother that much.

You acknowledge this is petty yet you look for him and his friend to accommodate you... that is something to worry about.

Think about how hot a person is in a different way. It isn't an objective measure , its subjective and enhanced by what we know about the person and by how the person behaves. Your hotness quotient as measured by your bf is different than if measured by his friend.

Also, it would be rude of your bf to compete by comparing your hotness level to that of his friends exes (ick).

Really, find something more soulful to value about yourself. There is no need to objectify yourself like this.

You acknowledge this is petty yet you look for him and his friend to accommodate you... that is something to worry about.

 

Think about how hot a person is in a different way. It isn't an objective measure , its subjective and enhanced by what we know about the person and by how the person behaves. Your hotness quotient as measured by your bf is different than if measured by his friend.

 

Also, it would be rude of your bf to compete by comparing your hotness level to that of his friends exes (ick).

 

Really, find something more soulful to value about yourself. There is no need to objectify yourself like this.

I do agree w/you. I guess I would have wanted my bf to tell his friend how irrelevant that ex is (looks aside), that he has the girl he wants to be w/.

I don't understand. Should you be worried about what?

That he doesn't say something to shut it down unless I tell him or get upset.

I do agree w/you. I guess I would have wanted my bf to tell his friend how irrelevant that ex is (looks aside), that he has the girl he wants to be w/.

I agree with you. Its a bit rude of the friend to bring up your bfs exes.

Exes are exes for a reason - it didn't work out. Remember that.

That he doesn't say something to shut it down unless I tell him or get upset.

I still don't see what the issue is. To me, it sounds like two guys talking like guys tend to do - nothing personal against you. Yes, sometime guys don't have a filter, but no harm intended. This is YOUR own issue, your own "extreme jealousy" (your words), your own low self-esteem and insecurity talking.

I still don't see what the issue is. To me, it sounds like two guys talking like guys tend to do - nothing personal against you. Yes, sometime guys don't have a filter, but no harm intended. This is YOUR own issue, your own "extreme jealousy" (your words), your own low self-esteem and insecurity talking.

This is the harsh truth :/

The 3 of us hang out quite a bit and I've grown kinda close to my bf's friend. There have been a few times where his friend has brought up one of his ex's and how hot she was. Obviously his friend isn't my bf and I don't care if he talks about how hot women are. My issue is that my bf did agree w/him, but never said anything how I was better. I know this is pretty petty, but it makes me think that my bf lies to me when he says I'm the best and most gorgeous woman he has dated. I mentioned how it bothered after the 1st time and the 2nd time my bf told his friend not to talk about it when he saw that I got upset. Should I be worried? This really bothers me a lot.

You growing close to your boyfriend's friend has nothing to do with telling said friend when it's ok to talk about his ex's.

I don't see where your boyfriend said "man! she's the prettiest/hottest woman I know and I want to be with her because my girlfriend is busted", so I'm not getting why you're making a huge deal out of his boy talking about his ex. The fact that your boyfriend is with you and, I presume, treats you well, is testament enough that he believe you to be better--why does he have to inject the non sequitur of "my girlfriend is prettier" into the conversation that wasn't even about you to begin with?

I'm also not seeing how on earth you can connect a lie to your boyfriend's superlatives of you.

His boy isn't controlled by either you or your boyfriend, so he can bring up his ex any time he wishes. You're going to have to just suck it up when the topic comes up, or just don't hang around him while he's pining for his ex. Problem solved. Your feelings/insecurities are not this friend's problem, responsibility or issue. They're yours and yours alone.

You are in charge of handling your emotions and feelings, not your boyfriend's friend. I suggest growing a thicker skin.

There is a reality in life: there is ALWAYS going to be someone prettier/hotter/skinnier/phatter/more financially well off/smarter than you and she may or may not have been a part of your boyfriend's life before you came on the scene--what matters is how the guy you're with treats you on a day to day basis, not what you look like or how often he proclaims your looks to people who, truth be told, have no investment in you.

You just sound irrationally insecure.

You boyfriend doesn't need to stop his friend from talking about one of his exes and then make a verbal testimonial about how much better you are than her.

Are you kidding me?

He is with you now and not her.

His actions should determine your judgement of him, not his lack of inappropriate aggressive words defending your honor...

Just to let you know.

You are not the most attractive person, the smartest person, the kindest person, or the most gifted person.

Don't put so much value on attractiveness.

Don't worry if you are not the most attractive girl he has gone out with. Him telling you that you are isn't him lying either.

The woman I dated before my wife was insanely attractive. Also very boring and dull. I couldn't believe how unhappy I was dating such an attractive girl. Took me about a month to figure out how terrible of a match we were.

My wife is cute. Not anything crazy like my previous, but I cannot even tell you the ORDERS of magnitude better my wife is than the very attractive girl I dated before.

I would view 'friend' as a pot stirrer, and if you allow him to cause friction between you and BF over a stupid comment, he wins.

I'd skip that.

I still don't see what the issue is. To me, it sounds like two guys talking like guys tend to do - nothing personal against you. Yes, sometime guys don't have a filter, but no harm intended. This is YOUR own issue, your own "extreme jealousy" (your words), your own low self-esteem and insecurity talking.

When we 1st started talking we agreed calling other people hot was rude.

You growing close to your boyfriend's friend has nothing to do with telling said friend when it's ok to talk about his ex's.

 

I don't see where your boyfriend said "man! she's the prettiest/hottest woman I know and I want to be with her because my girlfriend is busted", so I'm not getting why you're making a huge deal out of his boy talking about his ex. The fact that your boyfriend is with you and, I presume, treats you well, is testament enough that he believe you to be better--why does he have to inject the non sequitur of "my girlfriend is prettier" into the conversation that wasn't even about you to begin with?

 

I'm also not seeing how on earth you can connect a lie to your boyfriend's superlatives of you.

 

His boy isn't controlled by either you or your boyfriend, so he can bring up his ex any time he wishes. You're going to have to just suck it up when the topic comes up, or just don't hang around him while he's pining for his ex. Problem solved. Your feelings/insecurities are not this friend's problem, responsibility or issue. They're yours and yours alone.

 

You are in charge of handling your emotions and feelings, not your boyfriend's friend. I suggest growing a thicker skin.

 

There is a reality in life: there is ALWAYS going to be someone prettier/hotter/skinnier/phatter/more financially well off/smarter than you and she may or may not have been a part of your boyfriend's life before you came on the scene--what matters is how the guy you're with treats you on a day to day basis, not what you look like or how often he proclaims your looks to people who, truth be told, have no investment in you.

Actually I forgot to mention, the reason why I got pretty upset was the friend said that ex is the favorite one out of all the chicks he dated, not including me.

bottom line : you can control yourself, and nobody else. So don't try to control how or what other people say. And don't give them control over you by letting their words "make" you feel or think a certain way.

Choose how you want to feel and think. Does your bf want you, value you?Are you happy in relationship? If yes to both, then ignore this noise. Or call it out in an almost funny way: Hey, I'M RIGHT HERE.

If you're uncomfortable with your bf address that directly.

Choose to talk yourself out of feeling jealous at these silly comments. How you react is your responsibility.

Actually I forgot to mention, the reason why I got pretty upset was the friend said that ex is the favorite one out of all the chicks he dated, not including me.

So? I mean, what has that got to do with anything? He's not entitled to his opinion or something?

Your feelings are not this friend's to manage and he doesn't have to include you in any list he's got of who's his favorite.

It actually sounds like you like this friend a little too much and that's why his opinion of his ex is bothering you--you want the attention of both your boyfriend AND his friend... that's a bit too rapacious.

Is this the potty-mouthed guy who you feel is too cheap and talks about hot girls all the time?

What would you rather be? The super hottie with no substance or personality that laid there like a dead fish when having sex. Or the most awesomeness woman who he marries?

I think you shouldn't sweat over the fact that there are other women out there that are good looking and acknowledged for. Don't take it personally.

I do agree w/you. I guess I would have wanted my bf to tell his friend how irrelevant that ex is (looks aside), that he has the girl he wants to be w/.

It doesn't sound like the conversation was about who is "hotter" - nor that your boyfriend brought it up - which is the only reason this ^ response would be appropriate. (And even then, really shouldn't be necessary.)

Your boyfriend doesn't exist to assuage your ego for non-existent slights. Sounds like this one is 100% on you and in your head. Your hangup is much more concerning than his response to his friend's comment. You're insecure, and you need to address that. YOU. Not him.