Boyfriend never wants to hang out with my friends again

Hi everyone!

Usually I go to my friends with my relationship problems but this time the problem has to do with them. My boyfriend told me he refuses to hang out with my friends ever again and that he hates them. When I asked him why he said that he simply has a ”bad feeling” about them. My friends seem to like him and of course they will notice if he always refuses to hang out with them. I don't expect him to be best friends with them just to hang out with them and me like 3-4 times a year. I think its important in a serious relationship to hang out with your partners friends and would do the same for him but he doesn’t have so many friends. He said that he can tolerate them on my birthday but otherwise I can’t be selfish and force him to hang out with them. Then he continued that I either have to accept that he never hangs out with them or I have to break up with him. I really love him but I really love my friends as well and this is really important to me so I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

(P.S. English is my third language)

Since you say he doesn't have many friends, if you stayed with him for a lifetime, he'd probably be a spouse who wouldn't enjoy double dating or having group friends to regularly get together with. In that sense, it's not fair to ask him to change just because your social needs are different than his. Either accept that you will get together with friends on your own, or decide he's too incompatible with you and it's best to find a better match.

I'd break up with him. Chances are high that: Next thing he'll be doing is making you feel guilty for leaving him at home to be with your friends. He'll be accusing you of making them your priority. He'll be wanting you to be his sole means of entertainment because HE doesn't have many friends.

 

His attitude is unhealthy and it would be a major red flag to me.

Break up! He is trying to control you and who is gonna be there for you if you stay with him, loose all your friends, and then break up? Always choose the friends!

No. Don't break up with him but DO respect his wishes. He agreed to hang out with them on your birthday and it would be selfish of you to force him to repeatedly do something he doesn't want to do. He told you how he feels and why. You say you love him and your friends. He's not asking you to stop seeing your friends and its not like its a package deal. I don't see where he is trying to control you or isolate you based on what you said but keep your eyes open and if that happens Then you get rid of him.

I don't think he's trying to control you. But I don't think you two a good match. You want someone you can enjoyably be social with and that isn't something he can give you. I would really struggle if a partner didn't want to hang out with my friends. Being game for spending time the way I like to spend time is a pretty major thing for me in a relationship. And I would certainly hope that my partner would be open hearted towards people I care about. My partner's friends are assumed good until otherwise proven. Axing spending any time with them because of a "bad feeling" is a lot less effort then I would give in getting to know and spend time with people my partner cares about, I expect the same out of a partner.

What a weirdo. He sounds anti social. He also sounds like he might try to isolate you, which is controlling and insecure behavior.

 

How long have you been dating him?

 

Get rid of this guy!

Then he continued that I either have to accept that he never hangs out with them or I have to break up with him.

THIS is the controlling part.

 

I don't like some of my husband's friends. They're extremely immature and embarrassing to be around in public because of their behavior (one of them called me a w***e in public). Some have been weeded out of the friendship circle based on how they've treated me while I was still civil to them. But I NEVER put my partner in a position of "it's either them or me."

 

He's already guilting you. Yep I'd let him go.

THIS is the controlling part.

 

I don't like some of my husband's friends. They're extremely immature and embarrassing to be around in public because of their behavior (one of them called me a w***e in public). Some have been weeded out of the friendship circle based on how they've treated me while I was still civil to them. But I NEVER put my partner in a position of "it's either them or me."

 

He's already guilting you. Yep I'd let him go.

But he's not making her choose between him and them. At least from the information provided, he's simply saying he doesn't want to hang out with these friends, not that she can't. If that's a big deal to her, which to many it understandably would be, he's right that they're better off broken up. We also don't know the context of the argument. If dude came out of nowhere while they were enjoying dinner with, "Yeah I'm not hanging out with your friends, dump me if you don't like it," that's one thing. If they'd gone back and forth until that was really what it boiled down to, it would be hardly be something a could criticize him for.

 

My lady has friends I don't hang out with. They fulfill her 5% Gossip Girl and are absolutely unbearable. But I've never once said she can't hang out with them. I simply have 1,001 different things I'd rather do in my free time. I know I've got friends who fill little niches and who my lady has no desire to hang out with. Again, fair enough. They're not her friends.

 

A better solution than essentially making your partner suffer company they don't enjoy is to go out together and meet new people. Speaking personally, I'm extremely happy with her having her friends, me having my friends, and then us having our friends. Of course if there's any overlap, that's more than fine.

A better solution than essentially making your partner suffer company they don't enjoy is to go out together and meet new people. Speaking personally, I'm extremely happy with her having her friends, me having my friends, and then us having our friends. Of course if there's any overlap, that's more than fine.

That is the ideal IMO ^

You have heard from both sides. Break up with him and Dont break up with him. It really comes down to you. I have learned that your parnter should be your best friend, but not your only friend. Would he make you feel guilty if you want to go out with your friends without him? Would you feel obligated to stay in if your friends ask you out even if your BF doesnt say a word? Can you be with someone that you will have to have a constant tug of war of your friends vs your BF? Will you truely be happy with how your social life will be two separate lives. You know that you wont even be able to talk about your friend or their situation to your BF because he simply wont care. In fact he will probably be annoyed with that.

 

Ill finish with this one question. If you stay in the relationship, are you free to be yourself 100%?

How long have you been dating? Perhaps he feels uncomfortable because you tell them too much behind his back? As long as you can freely hang out with your friends and he can hang out with his, why force anyone on anyone?

Usually I go to my friends with my relationship problems he said that he simply has a ”bad feeling” about them.I really love him but I really love my friends as well.

What was the context to this conversation about your friends, OP?

 

I am trying to figure out where his "bad feeling" about them came from. Was this out of the blue?