Can pain killers be why our relationshp is falling apart?

I'm Worn out! I'm exhausted. I'm drained and most of all I'm lost. my previous post

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=546068

I'm terrified to marry this man. I keep pushing the date back because until I'm sure I can't do it.

I have tried my hardest and I have cried so hard the past two days I'm having Migraines and even broke out on my back and trunk with hives. I feel so depressed.

I didn't mention before that the fiancé is on pain killers for his back. Over two years hes been on them and our relationship has been horrible since. He is so moody and evil. He is insensitive and just a jerk.

One small comment I made and we are back at odds again. Its always like this. its always something small and we are at odds. I'm fkn tired.

We were watching a show and that show had a mom going to the depths of hell for her son. He asks me "would you do that for our kids" I said "I would go to the depths of hell for my kids no doubt". I said "Id even go to the depths of hell for my husband if we were on good terms". It wasn't even a big deal. He gets mad and says wow, ok , wow! In the show mind you her husband and her are estranged.

I said "why do you keep doing this? why do you keep picking fights, don't you want peace? " and I prayed "God please softer so and sos heart to not pick a fight. He replies "God please give her the strength to leave me if she wants to leave."

What the hell? This makes no sense. How can he be this Ultra sensitive over that and yet so insensitive when it comes to respecting things that make me super uncomfortable?

I am so irritated. I don't even want to be in the same room as him. I'm sick of his mood swings.

 

We were watching a show and that show had a mom going to the depths of hell for her son. He asks me "would you do that for our kids" I said "I would go to the depths of hell for my kids no doubt". I said "Id even go to the depths of hell for my husband if we were on good terms". It wasn't even a big deal. He gets mad and says wow, ok , wow! In the show mind you her husband and her are estranged.

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I think yoo two should separate. You might not think it one, but this bolded line above is a trigger and when I read it I figured you were digging at him for you two not always being on good terms.

Yes, pain killers can change a persons moods, just like the pain can, just like depression. Unfortunately, you are being affected too. Because of the ongoing negativity, it is easy for you to take snipes at him, which in turn sets him off. You think they are small comments, but it also sounds like you make a lot of them

Why are you still with him? You keep pushing your your wedding date. Are you hoping he is going to miraculously sstop having back troubles and stop taking medication? He sees that you are unhappy. These fights are not going to stop and you are BOTH going to get worse.

I agree with keyman...

I get that you're exhausted but your little comments on him come across as passive aggressive and they would annoy me too!

As someone who has been in excruciating pain for almost 4 years, pain and pain meds do a lot you you! Trust me....i took tegretol, gabapentin and oxycodon, it has lots of side effects and changes you, as does the pain....

Just read the other thread, there are more issues than just his pain and meds.... and you already want to leave him and called him your soon to be ex fiance 3 days ago...

Break it off, for both your sakes i think....

How can he be this Ultra sensitive over that and yet so insensitive when it comes to respecting things that make me super uncomfortable?

This is an excellent point.

Yes, pain killers can change your mood. II get mean if I take Percoset or Vicodin. But more importantly, pain killers are habit-forming. If he has developed an addiction, you have to leave.

Considering the fact that the husband was estranged in the show that you were watching, it's easier to understand your comment: "I'd even go to the depths of hell for my husband if we were on good terms." But it does come off as a dig. Why add that last part at all, when you are in the situation that you are in?

On the other hand, I understand the frustration of always having to walk on egg shells and I don't blame you for rebelling. But why not just leave instead of torture yourself with a million little resentments?

Sorry to hear this. Your instincts are correct. He needs rehab not marriage. Break it off so he can get help, and to exercise damage control for yourself. At this moment he's taking you down with him, as most addicts do. If you continue the moods and lies and crazy behavior will continue.

I didn't mention before that the fiancé is on pain killers for his back. Over two years hes been on them and our relationship has been horrible since. He is so moody and evil. He is insensitive and just a jerk. I am so irritated. I don't even want to be in the same room as him. I'm sick of his mood swings.

No, pain killers are not why your relationship is falling apart. If he's been on them for two years, he probably is physically addicted, but calling him an "addict" isn't exactly appropriate either, unless he's turned to the streets to get more than what's prescribed or if he's abusing his prescription. He may need an adjustment of his dosages or an alternative medication altogether. But to blame pain killers for the demise of your relationship is wrong.

You and he are responsible for the demise of your relationship. His pain may make him grumpy, but it's HIS RESPONSIBILITY to do something about that, as opposed to just growling at you.

And you, with your passive aggressive comments, are just as much to blame. Based on the way you worded your post around that comment, it doesn't seem like you were even aware that you were being abrasive, which tells me you probably do this more often than you realize. I wouldn't exactly be warm and cuddly to someone who made comments like that to me either.

You both should attend counseling to learn how to (or how not to) speak to each other and resolve these issues. Otherwise the resentment will just keep building.

Just because a doctor prescribes it, it doesn't mean it's not an addiction. Only naive people believe that addiction is people hanging out in alleys shooting heroin or smoking crack. Anyone taking opioids for this extended time develops tolerance and dependency. Narcotics are intended only for short term acute pain for this reason. Please educate yourself on the topic. There is vast information from various reliable health and government agencies.

I didn't mention before that the fiancé is on pain killers for his back. Over two years hes been on them and our relationship has been horrible since.

Opiate addiction is a major issue in the U.S., with prescription opiate addiction being one of the biggest drug problems today. Opiate medications are surprisingly easy to obtain. In fact, an estimated 210 million prescriptions for opiates were dispensed in 2010 alone. Frighteningly, prescription opiate abusers are far more likely to eventually develop a heroin addiction than a non-opiate abuser, as heroin will offer a similar high at a cheaper price.

 

Any long-term use puts you at risk of addiction, even if the substance is used as prescribed. Many people who use opiates will develop a tolerance to them--a phenomenon that can trigger the cycle of addiction. This means that the same amount of the drug no longer has the same effect as it once did. When this occurs, people routinely take more and more of the substance to elicit the desired response.

Only naive people believe that addiction is people hanging out in alleys shooting heroin or smoking crack. Anyone taking opioids for this extended time develops tolerance and dependency.

Yes, exactly.

Absolutely agree with you Wiseman.

Op: If you live together you best check out is debt because if he is at the point that he's abusing his prescription and taking more then the dose prescribed then he'll be running out before his next prescription date and he WILL be on the street buying them at a extremely higher cost then what he gets them when prescribed.

That being said, I have to ask you what's wrong with you (codependency is my guess) that you stay with a man that you complain about so much. What is keeping you there?

Narcotics are used for long term pain control ALL THE TIME. I'm a nurse. I know this. It is you that is misinformed. He probably is physically addicted. That does not make him a drug abusing addict.

You say "TOEmato" we say "tamato" If he's abusing his prescribed DRUG dose because what he is prescribed is not enough to help him or give him the high he has become addicted to... then he is a drug addict.

But to blame pain killers for the demise of your relationship is wrong.

As a nurse you of course will know that when you are addicted to something, it changes your personality. He may very well be the way he is (short tempered and easily unable to tolerate anything that isn't his way) due to being out of his meds before he is actually due to be out of them... because he's built up a tolerance and so he needs more to get the same affect. The withdrawl from going cold turkey off of Oxi is agonizing.

As a nurse you should also know how addictive opiates have become. It's this "given all the time" mentality that has caused the epidemic of addiction and death. The drug manufacturer NEVER intended Opiate pain meds to be given for the LONG TERM.

OP: You should leave him and tell him to call you if he gets help through a pain clinic or some other form of natural pain relief like Chiropractor, meditation, physiotherapy etc. If he's still like that after he's off the drugs (if he ever gets off of them because the withdrawl will be hell) and his personality still triggers you to be irked and passive aggressive then end it for good.