Going on a date with someone you're not super into

So there is this guy at the gym who asks me out basically every time he sees me. I've never outright said no, but I say things like "I'm just so busy... I'll let you know" because I don't really want to be locked in. I also don't want to be rude, though.

This gym guy is sweet, and he's not unattractive, but in my conversations with him, I've found he's just not really my type. I don't really know how to explain why, but I'm not really all that into him. I know myself, and I know when I'm into a guy, but I just don't really feel it with him.

However, I'm tired of dating apps so I haven't dated much recently, and my last SERIOUS relationship ended a few years ago when I found out my boyfriend at the time had been cheating on me for months.

Would you go on a date with someone you're not super into, just for the sake of putting yourself out there? Maybe I'd have a great time and will want to see him again. Who knows. But on the other hand, I've been on enough boring dates in my life to not really want to add another one if I don't think it's going to end up going anywhere.

I wouldn't be able to do it. I would only go out with somebody if their is potential for something. This sounds like a waste of time IMO. Plus you would see this person often at the gym. *awkward.

If I were him I would appreciate you telling me what you've written here. Honestly and directly. It IS a rejection but nothing to worry about. You won't be rude or something like that.

I did that one time thinking that maybe sitting down with him and having a conversation might help me see him differently. I doubt I will ever do that again. I would just tell him you aren't interested in the most polite fashion possible, so he will quit asking.

It sounds like you're considering dating him because there's nothing else going on.

Dont waste his time, he deserves someone who's into him. He should have backed off after 'I'm busy,' so hes obviously not on his game. But you dating him when your not that into him is not fair.

If it's just a matter of "putting yourself back out there" and that's all, then, no, you shouldn't go out with him. You'd just be wasting his time and possibly his money.

If, however, it's more a matter of you thinking he's probably not your type, but yet are truly willing to have an open mind and give him a chance, I don't think that's necessarily a bad idea.

So, if you're willing to give him an honest chance, sure, go for it. If not, then don't.

Why aren't you direct?

I mean nobody would die if you told him "no, I'm sorry I'm not interested".

I'm in a similar situation. I have a "date" this weekend, but the guy knows I'm not ready to actually date anyone else. We decided to just be friends for now.

We did actually go on a couple of dates before I met my ghost. We had a good time, but once I met my ghost there was no other guy I wanted and I still feel that way. I honestly have no romantic interest in this other guy now, nor do I feel he is even my type.

I think if you're honest up front, and let him decide if he still wants to take you out, then no harm done.

I did this almost 20 years ago. Met a guy at a wedding who wasn't my type. He called and asked me out and I told him I wasn't really interested in him in that way. He said he had tickets to an awesome concert (once in a lifetime opportunity) and he wanted me to be his date. I told him that I would love to see that band but I didn't want to lead him on. I definitely didn't have moneybags then to pay for the expensive ticket. It I probably offered to chip in. He said he wanted to treat and totally understood. I went. We had a pleasant time and he was a gentleman and the concert was awesome but even though I was really clear with him I still felt like he was hooong I'd change my mind. Which is not to messy comfortable feeling. So be forewarned.

Maybe somewhere in the middle. Tell him you're not feeling it, but you will go on a casual meet with him.

If the idea really turns you off, don't bother. There's no good reason to do something you're convinced will be unpleasant.

So there is this guy at the gym who asks me out basically every time he sees me. I've never outright said no, but I say things like "I'm just so busy... I'll let you know" because I don't really want to be locked in. I also don't want to be rude, though.

 

This gym guy is sweet, and he's not unattractive, but in my conversations with him, I've found he's just not really my type. I don't really know how to explain why, but I'm not really all that into him. I know myself, and I know when I'm into a guy, but I just don't really feel it with him.

Don't go out with him. What comes across in your update is that you don't know how to get rid of this man. I see this all the time in the gym. It's a gym, not a dating site. You are there to get a workout. If there is someone there that strikes your interest, then fine.

If not, then tell them you're not interested (whichever way you choose to do it). Don't let it get to the point where you're reluctant to go to the gym because of him, or anyone else. Don't come up with an excuse, or rationalize as to why you need to accommodate his wishes. You do the choosing.

I started talking to this man I met online. We were emailing and now talk on the phone and text. I enjoy talking to him but there are some things about him that turn me off. He has a beard and I am not a big fan of facial hair. Also, he seems a bit needy. He could just be really interested in me but he gets sad if I can't talk all the time. He asked me out for tonight and I made an excuse not to because I just don't know how I feel about him. I don't want to lead him on but I also don't want to potentially push away a decent guy. He hinted that he wanted to give me a massage and that worries me that he is only looking for a casual thing.

I am so confused.

I don't see why anyone would want to date just to date. It's not that scary to spend some time alone. I would not waste my time dating just because, as my time is too precious and limited. I have a career, a social life and need some 'me time' too. Someone coming into it should be WORTH spending time with.

SO if you're not sure, don't do it. Why bother. Pick up another hobby or class! Or just hang out with friends. Only go out with guys that feel like real potential.

I'm going to differ from others here.

It doesn't hurt to go on a date with him if he's asking you. If you don't feel chemistry by the third or fourth date, that's when you can tell him as a mature adult that you don't feel romantic chemistry. But right now, you don't really know him as much as you think you do, why not give him a chance?

Speaking from experience, when I dated my ex the first couple times, I didn't feel spark or butterflies. In fact, I didn't care much about seeing him or not. If he didn't pursue me, l would've glanced him right over and i did for a while. But then I decided to try again to get to know him better, I grew to adore him. We turned out to be a great match and I'm so glad I picked him even though it was short lived.

Now the guys that I thought I wanted a future with, turned out not to be compatible for me. Doesn't make them a waste of time either because now they're friends that I have to grow my networks.

Going on a date could cause issues in the gym, and getting a good workout in in a stress-free place seems more important to me than taking a risk on one guy. I ponder what the chances are that he's the right one for you anyway. I suspect that he's not, at least not now. Maybe one day he'll stop asking you after you've politely told him that you're seeing someone else or whatever, and then you approach him at some other time. Who knows.